(Closed) Does racism still exist in America?

posted 11 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 47
49 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

If I could have a penny for every time someone accused me of ‘acting white’…’talking white’..I’d be a millionaire.  It was something I heard all my life, but it REALLY intensified when I dated my high school sweetheart (who was white) for 9 years.  I shake my head and laugh about it now, but it used to really hurt me when I was younger.

Me personally, I cannot stand to go to all white functions, all black functions, “all-this” or “all-that” anything!  I recently joined my FH’s church, and though I LOVE the pastor, it really disappointments me to see only one race in attendance.  Before becoming engaged and moving, I was a member of a large non-denominational melting pot of a church and I LOVED IT!  My friends have always been different colors of the rainbow…which I’ve caught flack for as well.  I’d say that black and white MEN have thrown the most racism in my direction.  Has anyone else seen this?  

Like crebre, I realize that regardless what I do, who I date, what I wear, how I talk, somebody will have something to say about it…so here I am!  Take it or leave it!  Yeah, its pretty obvious that racism still exists…just watch the news!  I was a bit stunned when I heard the comments that John Mayer said in his interview with Playboy.  At first, I thought it was just another silly rumor, but he actually apologized for it.  He’s guilty of saying out loud what many people say in their heads.  Silly goose!  Lol!

Post # 48
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Crebre- My real name is Treshenna. I wish it wasn’t so obvious, but I have no choice. Yes, I have decided to name our kids Logan (my fave boy name) or Kaydn (girl)

Jamaicabride- I hate to say it, but some black men love to say black women are all angry. Surprising to me, because I rarely get angry although I am a Taurus.LOL

Post # 49
2889 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, on the naming issue, I highly recommend the name chapter in the book Freakenomics. They scientifically evaluated the effect of names on sucess and it’s interesting to see the differences between black and white names and within race populations. The whole book is actually really interesting if you’re looking for some Non-Fiction.

Post # 50
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

@spaganya: sorry, I wasn’t super clear, it was really late… I didn’t mean that I approve of the term “reverse racism”, just that that’s what a lot of people know it as. I think people of any race can practice racism against people of any race, including their own. I define racism as any negative assumptions or categorizing you make about a person and subsequent bad actions or words toward them based only on their background. I’ve heard some people say in the past that people of certain races aren’t capable of racism because racism is strictly whites against blacks, which I think is stupid.

Post # 51
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just to clarify – I shoot MANY races. I’ve shot many mixed race weddings too, but never a “black” one.  In fact, a good chunk of my clients aren’t white… but they’re not black either. They look through my albums and almost ALL my clients have black friends… so it’s not that I haven’t ever “shot” a black person before or they are non-existent in my work… but I just haven’t been “hired” by one (since 2007).

Just curious to hear thoughts from the other side, like how someone mentioned that they weren’t hired because they were asian, is that not racism as well? I understand if someone is concerned about skin tones and you didn’t have an example, but to say “you’ll stick out?”

That’s just as sad to me… 



Post # 52
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m pacific islander, but I look white so I’ve never had to grow up the same way my cousins or anyone else in my family did–dealing with racism. I guess i’m fortunate in that way.

However, I really, TRULY believe that ignorance is at fault, and ignorance breeds ignorance. I don’t think you can blame it on a geographic area, on a time period, on anything… it’s all ignorance, pure and simple, that shape these attitudes. It will exist as long as people keep thinking that way, but I do think people’s minds are slowly changing as their experiences grow.

It’s a tough subject though.

Post # 53
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@december – i understood what you meant – i didnt think you approved of the term i was just trying to clarify for others 🙂 it drives me batty when people say reverse racism because its either racist or its not.

@KLP – thanks for the clarification – i thought you meant you didnt have any people of color in your portfolio. but if you do, and they are displayed to show your range, then i dont know why you dont get callbacks. 🙁 it might be a bit about what crebre was talking about with minorities wanting to give their own folks a chance (i have done that more times than once and unfortunately regretted my decision every time).

Post # 54
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I really liked what monita said about the way we use “racism” nowadays, and wish we could redefine the term to include a much broader range of behaviors and thinking patterns.  The number of bigots I’ve encountered (some of them with expensive educations from elite universities) who believe themselves to be tolerant and enlightened people simply because they don’t say n***** is startling.

Post # 55
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Sadly, yes.

My mom and I were told we couldn’t use a bathroom in Arkansas because she’s half korean and I’m 1/4. The full asians in California used to call me Twinkie and Manilla and make fun of me for being mixed. But then my closest friends were chinese and korean so it was just a few kids who were ridiculous like that. Some asian communities are very very seclusive like that, though. My Indian friend had a lot of grief marrying her white husband because he’s white.

But yeah. It exists. My grandma (right when she was getting dementia) once commented she was grateful I was going to marry such a “sweet little white boy”. Sigh. I secretly wish he had a little more ethnicity to him =]

And when I was 12, I was sat down by my dad and told that I wasn’t allowed to dance with any of the black kids at school. I remember being completely flabbergasted. It was the first time I realized my parents were racist.

But they were totally ok with me dating a half-chinese guy. I dunno, it’s sad. Thinking about it angers me because I am SO not like that and I really don’t want people drawing the assumptions that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

There is a lot of racism down in SW missouri. Sad.

I hope racism is just dying out as generations go by. I really truly hope people are becoming less hateful and that someday it just disappears but sadly, there is a lot of unjustified hate in the world.

Post # 56
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

There is a lot of reverse racism. at least where i am from i see/hear that a lot more than what we think of as racism.


Post # 58
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

….HELLS YEAH. (The “s” is for emphasis ;-)).  My Gchat status for the past few days has been “I am tired of racism.  And Sexism.  Possibly more tired of sexism.”  The racism/sexism thing is an ENTIRELY different (and more complex) post, but yeah, it definitely exists, and what makes it more difficult to deal with is the fact that people still feel compelled to ask the question…or more accurately, even entertain that the answer could be “no”.  

As a black person who has a number of degrees and has attended only elite institutions (yet also hails from one of the most notoriously-well known high crime/poverty neighborhoods in the country), I have had a number of experiences dealing with people challenging my qualifications or having difficulty grasping the possibility that I am who I purport to be!  For instance, while trying to work and enjoy my own lunch, I have had a complete stranger ask me 1) how I got my computer, 2) what grad school program I was in (and upon hearing that I was at Harvard), 3)what my GRE scores were, and  4) whether my parents were famous.

I’ve been asked (again, from complete strangers) whether I was able to go to Stanford on athletic scholarship (if you saw me, you would know how ridiculous that question sounds), what my SAT scores were, who wrote my letters of recommendation (oh, those last two were from a drivers’ education instructor IN THE MIDDLE OF A DRIVER’S ED CLASS with about 20 other people (who I am sure had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA who the faculty that I mentioned were)….right before he insulted the city that I am actually from (although he probably didn’t know it at the time–he just wanted to blatantly insult an entire community of people), and whether I was having a hard time adjusting to life in Cambridge being from my community (granted I’ve already gotten through 4 years in Palo Alto, and 3 years at Cambridge).

There are just SOO many more instances like those its just sickening.  And in each of these instances I was just trying to exist peacefully–minding my own business, when someone feels compelled to make me answer for their racist beliefs. It really drives me insane, and makes me angry that people feel entitled to intrude upon my existence in that way.

@KLP – I’m sorry that you haven’t been hired by black couples, but, like I said in a prior post, if you really did want to have people of color in your portfolio, then you should make an active effort to do so.  I don’t know what ethnicity you are, but if you looked at a portfolio and saw NOTHING but photo after photo of black people, and then you saw another portfolio with pictures of people with your same complexion I think that you also would want to choose that second photographer.  As someone who has gone to predominately white schools, and had many experiences with class photographers who took great pics of my white classmates, and constantly over-exposed pictures of me and my black classmates, I would definitely need to see that a “good” photographer was able to take good pictures of people who look like me.  You get one chance to take your wedding photos, so why would I take a risk that I will end up with ruined photos, if I have no basis for knowing that you are equally capable of taking pictures of those with other skin tones.  If it really is a market that you would like to break into, I would suggest offering a free (or highly-reduced) engagement shoots, or “trash the dress” shoots so that you can incorporate them into your portfolio.  

Just like you wouldn’t be upset that a bride didn’t want to hire you for her wedding based on a number of great family portraits, you shouldn’t be upset that a bride that knows that photographing her isn’t exactly the same as photographing the kinds of people already in your portfolio, doesn’t want to hire you on faith alone.  

Post # 59
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sorry, I didn’t read all the posts here, but from what I gather on some of them..


I think some of us are getting confused with “racism” and “stereo-typing” both two different things, but can be construded as the same



Being asisn…I have alot of people that automatically think that I work in a nail shop or work in a family business selling “chinese food”(even though Im Korean)

To some asians, they may take that as them being “racist”.  Even though, that’s not what the case really is. 


Another great example “black women being crazy and mean,not caring about their child’s education,probably be on welfare,etc.”

Another stereo-type,but not necessarily racism.


I don’t believe being racists is based solely on “ignorance”.  I mean, Children are being taught in their schools about segregation now-a-days.


It’s something that will NEVER change, even though we would like to believe differently.  As long as America is the melting pot of the world, we will always have a reason to dislike a person…whether on their skin color, profession, age, sex, etc etc


EVERYONE discriminates. 









Post # 60
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yes it def it works…and I only experienced it when i moved to south carolina.  I have lost a couple of caucasian friends that use the “n” word loosely…its just unacceptable to me. I am caucasian…but it does not excuse you using that kind of language no matter where you are or who you are talking to. But I will tell you this…it works both ways…I have also been in situations, especially at work that i have been discriminated against because I wasnt African American. It definately still exists…I just try not to get caught up in it and let it bother me too much.

Post # 61
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@wendy…I will agree that racism and stereotyping someone or a group of people is not the same thing. However, I feel that you can’t adequately discuss one without the other as more often than not, the stereotype is used to justify the racism.

For example, my daughter has always had friends of different races and one particular time we were at the park playing and one of her friends from school happened to be there. So the little girl ran over and was so excited to see my daughter and off they ran to the swings. The mom came up and I introduced myself and said that’s my daughter Alexis. She mentioned how everyday her daughter came home talking about this Alexis person and how they were best friends etc. So the following week Alexis comes home and she is upset about something. Apparently the mom told her daughter that she couldn’t play with Alexis anymore b/c she was black. The child of course didn’t see this as being a problem so when she asked why, apparently the mother recited a litany of stereotypes to “support” her racist views. Blacks steal, are on welfare, are untrustworthy, are violent, etc. etc.

So IMO…if we attack the negative stereotypes, then maybe we can wipe out the racism. The problem is that as long as these caricatures of black culture…or any culture for that matter… continue to bring in revenue, there is no motivation to change them. Look no further than the TV to see negative stereotypes portrayed over and over to sell products and services. Sometimes it’s subtle..sometimes not so much. I know in my particular city, you would think that every crime in the city was committed by a person of color b/c that is certainly all you will see on the news.

My Fiance and I have discussions about this often. How do you “combat” racism..particularly against persons of color, when it’s weaved into the very fabric of our nation? The civil rights movement occurred in the 60’s and while not enforced today, there are still many Jim Crow laws on the books. So persons of color have really only been “free” in the last 40 or so years….as in having the same rights as every other person in this country.  

I think for a lot of the older generation, the times are moving faster than what they are comfortable with and ignorance is a safety blanket in some instances. Will racism end in my lifetime…I doubt it. Will it end in my daughter’s time…again I doubt it. But we can still try and hope.

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