(Closed) Does seeing others divorce make you feel different about waiting?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

It makes a BIG difference to me. I’m 32 with a good life and I’m happy. I want to continue being happy with my spouse for years to come. It makes me think deep before I take that leap. Its important to make sure it’s the right person and I’m doing it for the right reasons. Heck, with all the planning in the world things can still go astray. Bummer.

Post # 4
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

When I hear about other couples divorcing/splitting up it always makes me feel better that I “waited” (by the time we are married next year, we will have been together 7 years, living together for 5). We know that we are doing the right thing and our relationship has survived (and in fact improved) over time.

Too bad for your friends, especially since they had a child and everything. It might make you thankful for your relationship and the happiness that you have right now, even if you are a little stressed about waiting!

 

Post # 6
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Yes it makes me concerned. My SO & I will be together almost 4 years when we get married but while most of the time that seems like PLENTY of time, I definitely get anxious when I hear about couples that have been together forever splitting up. It doesn’t help that my parents are divorced from each other and they both had first marriages before each other, my SO’s mom & dad are divorced & her nana (who helped raise her) was divorced 3 times. Both of our upbringings make us concerned about if marriage forever is even possible sometimes =(

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

YES .. and my mother’s divorce from her first hubs … my cousin getting married four times before she was 40 .. yes

This is THE ONE…. I didn’t get married because, altho I’m Catholic, i didn’t participate in the wait till you get married thing.  I didn’t feel rushed … preggers (altho that would be AWESOME since we prob can’t ), missing something .. looking for someone to help fill a piece of me up …. i waited for the right guy.  I’m sooo glad.. If I hadn’t so many people would have been so hurt. (these are all reasons I’ve seen my friends/aunts/uncles/family get married and it was so wrong)

 

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@memo:  oh yeah and the first one was in 1979 and my aunt and uncle spent $50k .  They have all gotten considerable smaller over the years.  That first one lasted 8 mos.  so yeah terrified of marriage for a while.

Post # 11
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee

I dont believe that couples who date a longer time before marriage have a lower rate of divorce (or couples that cohabitate prior).  I know couples who have done it in so many ways and still ended up with the big ‘D’. 

Eh…I do agree that one has to truly get to know the person and not rush things.  However, with a 50% divorce rate (roughly), I would think that it’s all types of couples within that statistic.  We all go into it thinking it will last (or at least the majority I believe).  It’s a risk either way.  I don’t compare myself to anyone else because if I do, things will always look stark.  Quite sad though.

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kestane:  This. I always shake my head when couples (especially young ones) get married quickly, or a couple who fights all the time or cheats ends up married. Fiance and I have been friends for 7 years, and together for 4. We have a very strong relationship, we’re both older, have supported ourselves, etc. I’ve known way too many people who’ve jumped into marriage without knowing how to have a successful relationship first. My parents divorced fairly quickly (married in their early 20s), and FI’s parents married at 17/18 and divorced by 25.

Actually, my Maid/Matron of Honor and her fiance have postponed their wedding a few times, most recently because her fiance’s brother and SIL are getting divorced. :

Post # 13
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Watching friends get divorced – especially by the age of 30 – really drove home for me how important it is to not marry young, before you’ve created a life foundation for yourself. The major changes that happen in one’s 20s are the #1 reason cited by my divorced friends for their divorce.

It’s also a reminder that the public face of a relationship sometimes has little to do with what is going on behind closed doors.

Post # 16
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@vorpalette:  I know that no relationship is ever going to be 100% foolproof and we can never say for 100% certain what’s going to happen in the future, but I feel like for us, waiting has given us better odds of making it work in the long run. Or at least that’s what reassured me through my tough waiting days… that I was waiting with a purpose 🙂

My brother is actually going through a divorce now after 1 year of marriage. He knew his ex-wife for about 6 months before marrying. I’m not saying it is impossible to “know” after 6 months that your SO is “The One,” but that’s not how I’ve seen it play out in my family!

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