(Closed) Does shower = gifts?? (kinda long)

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, I think it’s more about not wanting to seem greedy than anything! But, THEY are throwing you the shower–you aren’t throwing it yourself. Just let them throw it and what happens, happens. They know “their” group of people and if this is the norm at their church and whatnot, just go with the flow.

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think this is very logical for you to think about all this!  I’m sure many other girls just think about more people = more gifts.  I agree that if you have an “open house” type of shower, then gifts should not be expected.  What if you had someone at the church do some type of collection and everyone could pitch in their $5-$20 or whatever for a larger gift for you?  That way people don’t feel bad if they can only contribute a small amount.

Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee

The fact that they are calling it a shower means that they want/expect for you to get gifts at it. Otherwise, they would just call it a tea or a party. The wedding shower got its name because the guests “shower” the bride with gifts of what she will need to set up her new house.

I would not be comfortable with the open invitation to a shower either. Maybe you could suggest to them that they put the announcement in the bulletin if they like, but call it a party instead? It won’t stop anyone from bringing a present who wants to, but it might cut down on people thinking they are expected to.

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This is tricky since they’re hosting it, so while it’s rude to invite people to a shower when they’re not invited to the wedding, it’s also rude to tell someone else how to run their party.  Sorry you’re stuck in such a difficult position!  Since a big part of a shower tends to be opening gifts, it will be awkward for anyone who heard about the “no gifts” instruction and didn’t bring one.  Is there any way you could convince the inlaws to change it to an engagement party?  Then they could invite anyone they wanted, and people who wanted to could bring gifts, but no one else would feel obligated.  I’ve been to some engagement parties that happened months after the engagement, so I wouldn’t worry about that angle.  Then it they really wanted to have a shower they could do another one for just wedding invitees later on.

Post # 7
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you should let them do what they want as its their party. Plus…the gifts people bring are not just for you,they’re also for your Fiance. It’s great their friends would like to meet you,so I say if they’re fine with it,you should be too. Enjoy yourself anf try not to worry!

Post # 8
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Wow! First: that is so very very nice of your future in laws to want to host a party for you! My FIL’s aren’t throwing me a shower (not that I am expecting one); that is so generous that they want to do this for you! That being said…since they are throwing it, I think they get the say on who is invited. Also, its not like you are sending the invites out, which would sound like you are soliciting gifts. I think that all of the ladies invited will be aware that your FIL’s are throwing the party, and that if they want to get a gift, they will! Guests at a shower aren’t obligated to bring a gift, so maybe the ladies from church wouldn’t bring something if they weren’t comfortable with it? I know it sounds uncomfortable to have that many people (that you don’t know) invited, but I would try to view it as a great blessing to be showered with some wonderful gifts that will help you get started with your married life! That will be awesome!

Post # 9
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I have the same situation and I feel bad about it but my mom keeps telling me to relax b/c these people understand that the wedding is small but still want to support me at the Shower.  guess I’ll just go with the flow.

Post # 10
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

With all of the other wedding-related details you need to worry about, i would just let the Future In-Laws do it their way. I’ve been in the position of being invited to a shower for a bride I didn’t know that well, and rather than viewing it as a greedy grab for gifts (check out that alliteration), I just figured that the bride/host was using the shower as a way for guests to get to know the bride better. And giving/getting presents is fun 🙂

Post # 11
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

In my church we always invite all the ladies to attend bridal & baby showers.  No one “expects” to be invited to the wedding & no one is expects or demands that you bring a gift (some people just bring maybe a dish), we see the shower as a party and a chance to get together (people understand about the cost of the wedding).  Maybe her church is the same way?

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