(Closed) Does size really matter????

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 46
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

bluehope:  Love LOVE your ring – haven’t seen anyone with anything like it. Beautiful cut, size, and gorge rose gold *swoons*

Post # 47
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I think my ring is on the large side from what I see irl among friends and family. And it’s.51 center with a halo. I looked online at ring styles before we went to the local jewellers to buy, and the only thing I was conscious of was not picking something too expensive. I didn’t have any expectation on diamond size or anything. Love my ring and wouldn’t trade it for a million others. 

I have to say that bees who are unhappy with their ring and want a trade up (some even before the wedding!) are setting themselves up for a lifetime of disappointment. It should always be about the man, not the ring. 

Post # 48
Member
941 posts
Busy bee

I dislike the mentality that a man has to shell out a fortune in order for the women to feel like he put thought into it….a man could have spent months planning the actual proposal but a woman will automatically think he didn’t because her ring was under 1k. I don’t care if woman have large rings (my ring total is right under 2) so I appreciate Bing. But when my husband proposed it was with a $288 ring. I said yes and we’ve built a beautiful life together. A ring wont make a marriage good. 

If a man has the funds available and picks out or let’s her pick out a giant ring than seriously good for them. If the woman has her man take out a second mortgage on his house so she feels validated that grosses me out. 

Post # 49
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

A thread that discusses stone size and love…….hold on ill be right back I have to get the popcorn….

My ring is pretty average among my friends but larger than some. My hubby bought it for several reasons, I wanted it, it was beautiful, he could afford it….what else is there. 

Relationship dynamics are complex, you are judging brides who you feel “demand” big stones for not grasping the true meaning of marriage. In addition you are a spectator to every marriage but your own you cant possibly presume to know how a couple truly decides to get engaged and married. 

So what if she demanded a big ring, big car or a partridge in a pear tree…if he gave it to her he felt she was worth it, who are we to judge?

As to your martyrdom of accepting a 3/4 stone from your ex and now wanting a carat from your current bf, I fail to see the difference between you and them. In every relationship both parties have demands, needs, desires, etc. how a couple navigates through them is their journey and judging it from the outside seems a bit pointless to Me. I personally am just happy for anyone who is happy to be engaged, and if she demanded a big ring I hope she gets what she wants. In my opinion the key to happiness is to have your expectations met, as I hope yours are when your BFP proposes.

 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  jily.
Post # 50
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

Tabrett Maria:  

Size mattered to me in one aspect: I prefer the look of larger solitaire stones compared to the smaller ones, so, had he insisted to go the solitaire route I would’ve insisted it be bigger than, say, 40pts?

Having said that, the larger the carat weight the greater the clarity and color I’d want, so, it increases the budget exponentially. I’m a pretty pragmatic person and I viewed the e-ring with more head than heart, even though it was ultimately his gift to me. I said yes to him (no ring), we went shopping together (he paid), and I’m glad that we found common ground in the purchase. 

 

Post # 51
Member
346 posts
Helper bee

Yes size matters. I didn’t demand a ring, but I wanted a ring over a certain because well my Fiance could afford it and it’s what I wanted. 

He wouldn’t compromise in cut and clarity and I wanted a certain carat. (He still hasn’t told me all the specs btw) 

He doesn’t regret it, in fact he gets a huge grin on his face when someone comments; he feels proud. He even compliments me on how “sparkly” it is. (I ended up with a 1.65, not too large)And feels good that I wear it everyday.

Either way he’s happy and I’m happy. There’s no need to judge anyone because they want a bigger ring period. People value different things, some want a mansion, some want a luxury car and some want a bigger rock.

Post # 52
Member
3455 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Wanting a certain size ring is one thing. Nothing wrong with that, a lot of people have some concept of what they would like to have when it comes to rings. It’s the idea that someone would reject the proposal of someone they WANT to spend the rest of their life with based on the fact that the ring isn’t what they want that puts me off. 

I already know what kind of ring I would like to get, but I could never imagine telling my SO I wouldn’t marry him if he got something else. If some people see a ring as a barrier to entry when it comes to marriage, well, that’s on them. 

Post # 54
Member
1587 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

blackinthesuburbs:  This!!! “Either way he’s happy and I’m happy. There’s no need to judge anyone because they want a bigger ring period. People value different things.” Perfect summary.

There have been many threads on this, so I admit to not reading every post here. I can agree that anyone demanding anything while ignoring her partner’s wishes is wrong, whether that be desiring a big diamond or fighting him on tacos for dinner.

But all in all, I am tired of the mentality that women who want a bigger ring must somehow be materialistic or not care about him. I think if you and he are in agreement and it fits what you want, it doesn’t matter what the result is. It’s also fallacious to imply that women who want a big ring care more about the rock than the man. Those are independent and not causal. 

Post # 55
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Tabrett Maria:  I agree! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting/getting what one can afford, but putting a financia strain on the relationship just to impress people or satisfy one’s materialistic  ego is a horse of a different color. I currently have a halo cluster, and I discovered that I wanted the fire of a larger center stone; not for anyone but myself. We can’t afford a 2.0 ct diamond, so I didn’t even bother watering my mouth up for one. We saved up for a new custom ring with a 2.0 OEC Moissanite that will be a debit cash purchase and it won’t leave an unnecessary financial strain on us.

Post # 56
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Butterfly6:  Lollll! You better believe it! Nobody got time for that!

Post # 57
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I remember back in the 1970’s I had a friend whose boyfriend gave her a 1/3 carat diamond engagement ring. Her mother convinced her to give it back, as …

“my mother wants me to have a full carat diamond”

It is even worse these days.

Post # 59
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Bahamas

blackinthesuburbs:  +79 million

I will add that the only two times I would refuse a proposal are:

1) we discussed what I liked and he blatantly disregarded it. Unless of course he told me, “Hey, this is all I can afford right now. I know that we’ve discussed what you like, but I can’t wait to marry you”. To me that would be a sign of a bigger problem in the relationship…. Blatantly disregarding me/my likes just to shut me up. 

2) Similar to above… He bought me an inexpensive ring (with prior discussion or not) claiming that’s all he could afford but was out buying $6000 toys for himself. Again, a sign of a bigger problem. 

 

I would not refuse a ring of any size assuming that it was well thought out, meaningful and genuine. I did ask my Fiance for a large center stone with the stipulation that it wasn’t a diamond. We went andv tried on rings and agreed on a size that we both liked. I wouldn’t have said no, if he chose a smaller or different ring, but I’m glad we were able to get what we both liked. 

Post # 60
Member
736 posts
Busy bee

I have read many posts like this on here but have not chimed in. This time, however, I will say that it seems like people are missing the point of this thread.

It’s not about judging women wanting larger rocks, this post is about how women REJECT a proposal over a RING. Or honestly, do people think it’s okay to demand something from their partner if it’s an unattainable or unafforadable object?? Do people not think that’s selfish? Goodness.

Why does unnecessary drama need to always come up on these threads when the subject is something entirely different?? Holy crap. And please don’t start in thinking I am judging anyone since I’m not

I think social media has a lot to do with the desire for such big pieces. I follow a lot of jewelers and I notice comments of women tagging their friends or their boyfriend, making comments like: 

“Ew, that’s so small” (on a over 1ct diamond)

“That’s the type of ring i’d make him go back to the jewelery store with!”

There’s plenty more where those came from and those attitudes are ones that I find gross. I’d go into more detail as to why but it’s pretty self explanatory and this is getting pretty long soo…

Long story short…desire what you want, anyone can have their preference (all the more power to you), and engagement rings are very personal to each individual, just don’t be an a**hole about it. 

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