(Closed) Does the age of the guy influence how quickly he proposes?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you can make generalizations based on age, since every guy has a different history, different needs, and different baggage. My Fiance is 35 and we were together 4 years before he proposed. Like you, we lived, traveled, bought a home, and set up a life together–all before the proposal. He was always super committed and couldn’t be more excited about getting married (which is wonderful) but it did take him some time to feel ready for marriage. He needed to sort out some of his own feelings and issues. It sounds like your guy has a good head on his shoulders, so while the waiting is hard, I’d encourage you to just keep communicating openly about your feelings/desires and his. All the best to you!

Post # 4
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think age has anything to do with it… My Fiance proposed after 2 years, and we’re both young, but I know my mom and step dad dated for a few years before getting married and they were older. Two completely different situations resulted in two different outcomes.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it does. Of course guys have a longer period of time they can wait to have children so I think they tend to not really think about it till their late 30s. I met my Fiance after he had just turned 36 and I had turned 26 so we both were on the same page that we weren’t going to waste our time dating people we didn’t think we could marry.

I think it’s possible your guy could not be ready for a few more years. I know if I’d met my Fiance at 34 he wouldn’t have been thinking about marriage – so they can change their minds in a relatively short time. I think having a conversation with him is the best thing you could do – not pressuring him to propose but just seeing how he feels about it and when he sees himself married.

Post # 6
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think it does at all. A man will get married when he is ready. Age in my opinion has nothing to do with it.

Post # 7
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree, I think a man will get married when he is ready and I don’t know if that requires them being “100% sure”

Post # 8
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I think that it’s illogical to think that any outside factors influence the quickness that a guy proposes. Every guy is different and I know men who proposed at 19 years old, and men who proposed at 50. It’s about finding the right partner and being ready to propose. I don’t think that anything else is a factor across the board.

Post # 9
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t agree with the rule if he’s over 30 and it’s been over 3 years, it’s not going to happen.  In my own case, Fiance was 33 when he proposed, after 4 years together.  (I was 28).  4 years to a proposal is maybe on the longer side, but to me it doesn’t immediately suggest a problem or issue in the relationship.  Some guys just really don’t rush into anything, sort of resistant to change, all of that.  So I don’t think the simple fact that he’s 32 and it’s been almost 3 years is reason to freak out.

However – if I were you, I wouldn’t drift along endlessly if marriage is something that you do care about.  It sounds like he just doesn’t think it’s a priority right now… you may have to push him to comprehend that if it’s important to you, it’s important to him.

There will always be expenses that make it hard to save for a ring or a wedding – you just have to go for it if it’s something you want as a couple.  I wouldn’t let him play the finances card for long.  It can be a legitimate factor, but if he takes your desire for marriage seriously, he should be able to tell you at what $ amount he’ll have “enough money” and what he’s doing each month to get there.  It shouldn’t just be this ambiguous thing.  Ask him his rough idea of the timing to engagement.  Re emphasize to him that this is important to you and you feel that owning a house together, while a big financial commitment, is not the same thing as marriage and doesn’t meet the same emotional need for you. 

Post # 10
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think age has something to do with it for most guys, however there are exceptions. It all depends on the guy, his personality, his maturity, and how he feels about it. I met my Fiance when he was 25 and I was 24 and he proposed after 14 months. From the beginning we both knew that we were looking to settle down if we found the right person…and we did!

Post # 11
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was the one who wrote that in the other thread.  It wasn’t intended to be a hard and fast rule that if he hasn’t actually proposed after 3 years it’s not going to happen. What I actually said was that if he’s over thirty and hasn’t proposed in 3 years based on nothing more than he’s not sure if you’re “the one”, then you’re probably not.  I specifically said that if he’s saving for a ring or waiting for a special time, that’s a whole nother thing.  I stand by my post which is, of course, only my opinion.

When you know, you know.  Generally, if you’re not sure about the person you’re with after 3 years, they’re probably not the right person for you.  That’s a rule I apply to women as well.   

The whole buying property together and/or purposely having kids together and then claiming you’re not ready for marriage is a whole nother thing I don’t even want to get into. 

Post # 12
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

we had been dating for over 3 years when my 31 year old (now husband) proposed, it’s just something you need to talk about… don’t soak up the stereotypes(they’ll make you go crazy!) i still think that the only reason my husband proposed was because his best friend proposed to my best friend, who had only been dating less than a year.. and he finally realized how broken hearted i was over the whole thing..

Post # 13
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

I think the biggest factor is when all of your guy friends start to get engaged.  When that starts to happen, marriage feels more inevitable. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it influences, but does not dictate it. We are in our early 20’s and if we were 5 years older we would be engaged, if not married by this point in our relationship (3.5 years). But we haven’t been independent for much of our lives and have a lot more to get in order, particularly jobs, school and finances.

Post # 16
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Not in my experience.  I was 19/20 when a 21/22 year old asked me to marry him WAY too quickly.  I bet it just depends.

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