Post # 1
So, this is kind of a spin-off post inspired from one I just saw about Facebook making waiting bees jealous. It is in no way posted to start drama. I have not been nor am I a waiting bee, so this is posted out of curiousity.
My question for those who do get jealous about facebook friends getting engaged before them: How does being on the Bee help?
I mean, sure, you know the people on facebook IRL and that might make it hurt worse. But having a rotating list of waiting bees cannot help the apparent anxiety in waiting for your partner to pop the question. What if you were at the top of the list for months/years while those under you (some who may have been dating for less time than you) get engaged? Wouldn’t you feel the same anger/jealousy that you do reading about friends on Facebook?
So, BESIDES having a group of girls who relate to your situation, what specifically about the Bee Boards or site helps you? Do you get jealous of any of the girls here?
Post # 3
I think it’s just nice to be able to vent my frustrations to people I don’t know and are going through some of the same things that I am. I don’t think that it is hurtful when I see a waiting bee get engaged. I’m happy for her, just like I’m happy when I see people I know IRL get engaged on Facebook.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I’m not waiting anymore, but I joined the Bee back when I was waiting. TBH, I did not regularly look at proposal posts while I was waiting. Mostly I looked at the Not Wedding Related stuff, Waiting boards of course, and any diy ideas that I could get started on (I planned way too much before I actually got engaged LoL… or maybe just enough!). I think it’s different seeing someone you know get engaged rather than stranger on the internet whose engagement I can choose not to click on.
Post # 5
For myself, I had to walk away from the Bee even for a bit. My self-imposed break only lasted 2 days, but it helps to walk away from all the wedding related stiff for a bit.
I think that when you’re in this situation, hearing about engagements from any source can cause jealousy. But you have to remember that just because she say we might be jealous doesnt mean we are not happy for them!!
Post # 6
Ultimately, I think it’s been good for me to have a variety of honest opinions, to see that other people are frustrated sometimes too, and to see that people do get happy proposals, that we’re not all stuck in limbo FOREVER. However, there are two things that aren’t so good:
1. I could be getting so much work done if I didn’t know about the Bee, haha.
2. I don’t really like the term “waiting.” I don’t know if it’s the verb, or what, but it makes it seem like I’m waiting around impatiently, that I’m doing something that I don’t want to be doing. It helps me to think more about having a sort of “pre-engaged” or “non-engaged significant other” status, which sound less antsy and more positive to me than to think that I’m “waiting.”
Post # 7
Ok, question about the list: If you were at the top of the list for a long period of time, would that help or hurt? Show your math.
Maybe I just dont understand why we have so many “Facebook Blows” posts but still have a list that documents your “waiting” period.
Post # 8
I think it hurts, honestly. My relationship isn’t very old at all, but reading all these women going on and on about how they’re sick of waiting and he’s never going to propose and he’s full of excuses and he’s torturing them with so-called ‘surprise’ proposals just makes me feel anxious and icky about that happening to me. We haven’t even been together long enough for me to be truly anxious about it! But I’m projecting the emotions of all the other waiting bees onto my own situation, which I felt no anxiety over before. It’s kind of damaging if you ask me.
Post # 9
The Bee really helps me keep quiet to SO and not nag him. I also love when I see new proposals. I like the stories. I’ve never been jealous of any other Bee. It’s harder when you’re close to someone who gets engaged (but then you’re mainly overcome with happiness for them). Still, I would never classify even those times as jealous as mainly I’m envious. Jealousy is much more negative. I would never want to take that happiness away from them, I just wish I could understand that joy.
Mainly I’m here to gush over anything fun or exciting, vent to girls who understand my frustration, and get it all out so I don’t go flipping out on SO.
Post # 10
@DoctorAndDoctor: 2. I don’t really like the term “waiting.” I don’t know if it’s the verb, or what, but it makes it seem like I’m waiting around impatiently, that I’m doing something that I don’t want to be doing. It helps me to think more about having a sort of “pre-engaged” or “non-engaged significant other” status, which sound less antsy and more positive to me than to think that I’m “waiting.”
The ‘waiting’ list feels like the admission line at an exclusive club; except people totally get to jump in front of you all the time.
Post # 11
Coming from the person that wrote the FB blows post, I dont really hate FB. I just think its funny that almost everyday we do have post about someone new getting engaged and that you see it via FB. Of course there is a pang of “oh crap, another one??”. But I was also one of the 1st people to congrat her as I know how long she has been waiting
As for the waiting list, I think it gives me hope atleast. Believe me, I know it means nothing, but its fun to see yourself move up the ranks, like your winning a game. Hey, anything that helps to get me thru this waiting period is ok in my book!
Post # 12
@koveline: That’s what I would think. I understand the addictive and community quality of the board, but I would be more concerned about mental health of the girls who do get easily jealous or anxious.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
Back when I was waiting, the waiting list was torture, but I couldn’t look away! I wasn’t super waiting, like antsy pants or anything, so it was okay, but it was starting to get harder and harder to see all these girls who have been in relationships shorter than we were get engaged. It was kind of nice to talk to others who were in the same place, and I was mostly on the Not Wedding Related and waiting boards then.
One positive thing was that I hadn’t really thought about how beneficial it would be to shut the heck up around my SO so he wouldn’t get tired of hearing about it, so I was glad I read about that on here. He told me I wasn’t pushy at all, and I think that helped!!
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@ohmybears48: I think I was in the top 20 on the list when my Fiance proposed to me and I just found the Bee helped because it was a good distraction. It helped being able to know that there were other girls preoccupied with the same things. That being said, I was never a person who was jealous of engagements being posted on the Bee or Facebook so I can’t speak from experience on that topic.
Hypothetically, if I did experience jealousy during the waiting period I think I would be more inclined to be jealous of people I know IRL (like on FB) since it’s more likely that I have been ‘following’ their relationship on FB (whether conscious or unconscious) without actually commiserating with them about the waiting period. Plus when you’re on the waiting list it’s kind of like a ‘community’ in itself where you’re all rooting for each other to ‘graduate’ or whatever haha. It’s kind of a different dynamic from seeing people get engaged on FB.
ETA: I think whether the Bee helps or hurts ‘waiting’ girls depends on the person!
Post # 15
for me, i have tons of community feelings for people on the waiting board so when they get engaged, i think “that could be me!” and it makes me feel hopeful. for the facebook people…i know for a fact some of them are jerks or that they are not mature enough to get married. (yeah, i sound like a jerk, i know). so, sometimes i could not help thinking “really? that mean person’s SO wants to marry them? maybe i should be MORE mean and i’ll get engaged too…grumble grumble” bad bad karma for me, but it was a gut reaction. it’s just so much better to see a bee engaged.
all that being said, i took a multi-week break from the bee until i got my timeline a few days ago. it was too hard to read about people who had some idea of when they’d be engaged when i did not. now that i have one, i assume at some point it will be awesome to be able to talk about it here as opposed to bringing it up with my single or married friends, because i have no similarly pre-engaged friends to talk to!
Post # 16
@sugarpea: I guess that’s where I get lost. How is it a “distraction” when you are essentially trying to avoid wedding talk with your FI? And you cant really get to the waiting boards without going through the rest of the boards.