Post # 17
unless he has a say in your dress or the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, I think you should leave it up to him. That being said, i think you should agree on some guidelines to make sure the men match the theme/colors/formality of the wedding but other than that he should be able to choose what he wears since it is his wedding too. I agree with him that you dont need to go and you need to just trust him. In the end what he is wearing wont really matter if he is unhappy and feeling like he had no say in his wedding.
Post # 18
Hello date twin!
You seem like you have the same problem I had. My Fiance and I had many a tiff about this. First he was vehemently against wearing a tux and just wanted a suit, I wanted to at least see him in a tux. He wanted to go alone with his dad, and thought I had no opinion.
I was annoying as hell and made him promis to at least let me see him in a tux becasue if I can’t see him in a tux now for a wedding, I never will, so we went to a suit rental and he tried it on and was sold. he agreed tuxes were more classy, than a suit and like the way he lookd. If was good I was there casue he had no idea about about colors at all. When I told the man there our colors, Fiance asked, when did that happen?”
I say be persistent, boys really don’t know what they are doing alone.
Post # 19
I’ve been told by the Best Man that I don’t have a say and can’t come to their appointment. The good thing is I trust him and Fiance to pick out something nice and have let them know my thoughts about the looks. In the end you might have to conceed that he’ll pick out his tux, but he does have to take some of your ideas into consideration.
Post # 20
I think it’s too major of a part of the wedding to NOT have a say in it…I never thought about what the groomsmen would wear really, until much later into wedding planning when Future Mother-In-Law got involved and started suggesting things to Fiance about what they should wear and then I was HORRIFIED that if I didn’t put my foot down, my groomsmen were going to look way different than the feel or theme of the wedding. I have done most of the planning, and while Fiance does tasks that I ask him to take care of and has been helpful, I am the visionary. I know and have planned all the details, and someone who has not overseen every aspect of the wedding, and therefore doesn’t have my vision, should not be making decisions about anything, especially what the groomsmen will wear in front of everyone and in all of my photos!
Some of our groomsmen are military, and Fiance would like them to be in military dress to honor them and what they do for our country. FI and one of his best men/older brother (he has an older brother and an identical twin – impossible to pick one over the other) are not in the military. So the question arose as to what they would wear to try to blend with the Coast Guard White Tuxes. I wanted Fiance and his brother in the tan tuxes as we are getting married overlooking the beach. My dress is ivory. I told Fiance he can’t wear white. FMIL was insisting that he and his older brother wear white. Mainly because she didn’t want the older brother to “feel left out” that he was wearing something different than the other groomsmen. I wanted to shake her and say, “WHY would he feel left out? He KNOWS he’s not in the Coast Guard!!!” Then she went and looked at tuxes, and the podunk tux place she went to didn’t have tan tuxes, and so not only did she want them to wear white, THEN she took it a step further and said that they should wear different ties, so that everyone would know he was the groom. So she wanted Fiance in a white tux, next to my ivory dress, wearing 1 color tie, older brother/BM wearing a white tux in a different color tie, and then 4 guys in Coast Guard whites. Can you say hodge-podge? And who in the hell is not going to know Fiance is the groom?!? We’re having 55 guests so we’re obviously only having people we know VERY well. And if for some reason, they’re not sure – here’s a hint that may work better than getting him to wear a different color tie: He’ll be the guy saying vows with me.
The groomsmen’s attire was the most stressful debacle of wedding planning for me. I almost had a breakdown over it. I ended up telling Future Mother-In-Law that I was putting me foot down, and to please just trust me and let Fiance and I go pick out the tuxes ourselves. We went to Joseph A Banks because they do the tan tuxes, and we picked everything out together, and I am now happy and the ordeal is over. But if I wouldn’t have reigned Fiance in from the grips of Future Mother-In-Law and took control, my bridal party would look like a HOT MESS.
Post # 21
That is tough. With Mr. Hedgie and I, we choose everything together. (With the exception of my dress) He has input in Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and I had imput in Groomsmen attire. He had the final choice in the kind and style but he wanted my input. I even like what he chose better than what I would have chosen. But, we are lucky in that we have very similar taste in things.
I would ask him if you could come just to see what he chooses and maybe offer your opinion. But let him know that in the end, he does have the final decision.
Post # 22
Thanks for the input bees! Yes, I understand it’s his day too and no he didn’t have a say in MY dress but I have shared with him the pattern and material for the girls dresses, he had no interest. I’ve suggested some of the tuxes I liked from the catalog we have and again he didn’t seem interested. I totally understand that he should pick the style and be comfortable but I really would like him to semi match and as it is his fashion sense is nil. I love him but my small town farm boy knows nothing but jeans and t-shirts so picking out a tux all by himself worries me just a little bit! In the end, I want him to pick what he looks best in but I’d like to offer suggestions and it’d be better if I were there instead of getting phone calls or pictures messages every 10 minutes. Maybe I’m wrong.
Post # 23
maybe explain it to him like you’ve explained it to us. Tell him you just want to see and give suggestions, and the final decision will be up to him. Let him know you are not trying to choose for him, you just want to help. I hope it all works out and you guys are not fighting about this 🙂
Post # 24
Interesting. I never considered that Fiance would pick the tuxes on his own! We’re going together to buy his suit and to pick out the guys’ tuxes. Happy wife, happy life.
Post # 25
Are you marrying a gay man? Otherwise, HELL YES YOU SHOULD BE INVOLVED!!! We went together, he got to pick out whatever tux he wanted. When it came to ties and vests, he could choose purple (BM dress color), gray or black. I gave him lots of choices. He was wearing ivory no matter what to match me. He chose gray. He didn’t really want to wear ivory, but oh, well.
Note–if I had sent him by himself, he would have picked red. For everyone. Would have been stunning with the eggplant Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.
Post # 26
I think you should be involved. If he didnt care about the BMs dresses and stuff like that when you tried to tell him about it, then he can’t cut you out of this decision. It is his wedding too, but if he gave little input elsewhere, its more your vision now. This should at least be a joint effort.. he can pick what is ‘comfortable’ and you get to decide the details like the colors or pattern.
Post # 27
I vote for be involved. But my man always asks me to dress him when he needs to dress up. So I think u should get involved to avoid any nasty “day of” surprises!
Post # 28
Definitely think it’s up to him.
Post # 29
I definitely had input into the tux my Fiance picked and it was never even considered that I wouldn’t! Fiance knew sort of what he wanted and we were fortunate in that we both agreed on that matter. In terms of picking out the vests for the Groomsmen, Fiance knew what color palette we had to work with and I was happy with him choosing the pattern he liked best. It was a complete non-issue for us.
What I would suggest to you is to get your Fiance a fabric swatch of your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses because even if he is being obstinate and clueless, the salesperson should be able to help him match the tuxes to the dresses if he has a swatch. If he is being completely unreasonable, which is sort of sounds like he is, see if you can’t pawn it off to the best man or another groomsman.
Is there a bigger issue at play here? Is he not feeling as though he’s had any input with the wedding? Maybe try to give him a few things to work on (music, food selections etc) and then maybe he won’t feel it necessary to dig his heels in on the one thing he feels he has control over. Sorry, I just made a lot of assumptions here so if I’m totally off, I do apologise.
Post # 30
I absolutely would not have let him go by himself. He really wanted me to go so that was great. Unless, the groom is involved in all the planning and knows what kind of look you were hoping for, I say he needs assistance.
Post # 31
Thanks for the advice bees! He’s been so great through the whole planning process and all the major stuff (DJ, location, cake, photographer etc.) he has had a lot of input on. Like I said it was just a “tiff” the other night; talking to him today he asked me to go with them, and even to make some calls to find the best deal. Turns out he was in a mood after a long day at work. So thanks to your advice, I’ll be going with him but I’ll sit back and let him do his thing and simply offer my input and suggestions when asked. I’ll let you know how it goes!