(Closed) Does the Bride have a say in the Groom & Groomsmen’s Tuxes?

posted 10 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 32
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fh has ZERO fashion sense.  He still tucks his shirts into his wranglers with no belt, ugh.  He realizes he knows nothing about fashion so he let me pick out everything for the guys.

Post # 33
3195 posts
Sugar bee

uh! this is the main thorn in my relatively stress-free planning side. he thinks that he should just be able to walk in there and get whatever he wants to wear. I was like….um that isn’t really how it works. We picked the wedding colors, date, cake, photographer, and reception venue together. And he picked the ceremony venue. I picke the dress by myself. I was like HELLO! that is why we picked everything together, so that we will all coordinate with the wedding overall! He just wants to go with his dad as a father son thing and I respect that as a special thing for them to do, but I think I should be allowed to help him choose the vest color and the jacket color (and he can pick the style of the tux/fit).

Post # 34
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I went with my Fiance to pick out his suits and he is coming along with me and the girls to pick out the bridesmaids dresses. Honestly I picked the colour, although if you asked him he would prob say it was a join decision…I like it that wayTongue out

He originally wanted a grey top hat and tails. I disagreed. He ended up with a black tails coat and no top hat (he looked silly in it!) But that WAS a joint decision, he tried both options on and it just so happened that my option looked the best. haha. No really it did.

I would of really loved to have chosen my dress with him. He is my best friend and  I tell him everything, I get his opinion on outfits I wear to work! So it seems crazy (and really annoying) that I cant get his opinion on what is likely to be the most important outfit of my life! But he wants to stick to tradition on that one, so Im going with it.

I vote that you should go with him to pick out suits and if he is willing involve him in choosing everything else with you Smile



Post # 35
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@SapphireSun:  I am SO the same lol.  It was never an option for my Fiance to shop on his own for his tux…

Post # 36
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I absolutely feel that the bride should have a say in the groomsmen attire. Sure, the groom more than likely didn’t have a say in the brides dress selection but these are two totally different things. I’ve personally never met a groom who dreamt about his tuxedo/suit since he was a little tike. 

Most men have ZERO fashion sense and if given the oppertunity, they may even opt for the horrible powder blue Dumb & Dumber suit. Unless you’re planning on having all of the guys in plain black tuxes with black vets and black shoes, there are coordinating decisions to be made and most men are completely incapable of doing that. 

I’ve been involved in the tux selection from day one and honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s very important to me that everything coordinates well and if he did this on his own, I can guarantee that it would be a disaster. I’m a firm believer that if I want something done right, I’ll do it myself. Thankfully Fiance wants me there with him to make the decisions. Ultimately it’s his choice since these are his guys but thankfully he likes everything that I like so we haven’t run into any issues thus far. 

Post # 37
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you should both have a say in how the bridal party comes together.  I showed Fiance the dresses I liked, he approved.  We talked about tuxes vs. suits, and I was hoping for charcoal gray suits (rewearable), which he ultimately agreed on.  We picked out the groomsman ties together.

Honestly, I know it’s “his” side and he should get control, but I feel like it should be a decision between both of you.  Not that he helped pick my dress (he didn’t want to see), but he knew what it looked like in a general sense.  I feel like if choosing attendant outfits is turning into a power struggle, that it’s important for you both to discuss wedding planning and deeper issues as a whole.  Just my opinion.

ETA – just saw your update.  Glad that’s all settled – DH and I have certainly had stupid quarrels over nothing as well, but it’s good that you’re back on the same page.

Post # 38
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I went with my fiance and the best man today to get attire. I wasn’t planning on going, but my fiance asked me to and said he would prefer I came so I went along but just sat and watched. It’s his wedding too, I don’t care if things match or this goes with that, I just want him to be happy and comfortable with what he wears. He chose something I wouldn’t have but it looks awesome on him and he’s proud of his choices. He went and found the bridesmaid dresses in the store and bought them and held his best man’s ties up to it and everything.

Although most guys may not be like this, I would say let him do it himself and trust him, it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t get what you want.

Post # 39
184 posts
Blushing bee

Oh dear!!

You absolutely have a say….especially if your family is paying for the wedding and everything else about it!!!!  You’ve got to coordinate the attire with the rest of the wedding!!!!

Did you ask him if he liked the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses??

This, like marriage, is a partnership!!!  

Gentle pressure, relentlessly applied, usually works with guys.


Post # 40
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My husband would have been petrified of going by himself with no clue as to what colors, style etc. Maybe start by showing him pictures of different styles and stuff on the web…and get a conversation going. He might realize that it’s a lot more complicated than he wants to be bothered with. 

Post # 41
1 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sooo…after reading all the blog comments, I feel a little more relieved about the huffy remark my Fiance made about me not going to MW with him. Honestly, I didn’t even want to go much (since we had looked at a lot of styles and narrowed them down online), but with his snooty remark regarding that it shouldn’t matter either way, if he chose the ones we selected or not, it made me want to go…UGH…it’s kind of disappointing, because at this point, as you’re ready to get married, you’d like to think he would WANT your input for the wedding day of BOTH your dreams.

Post # 42
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

my friend is getting married this spring (my Fiance is in the wedding). she can’t make it the day the guys are going to get tuxes, so i said I would go with a swatch from the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and make sure the colours match. i won’t be overly stressed picking the colour for her, so i think it will work well for everyone and releive some tension!

Post # 43
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

*Sorry if this sounds snarky but…I don’t understand when people use the “He didn’t go with you to tell you what type of dress to wear so you shouldn’t do it for him” argument…. firstly, some tradition stipulates that he isn’t supposed to see the dress which is the #1 reason why he doesn’t go (there’s no stipulation for the bride seeing the groom in a tux – when I go shopping for anything else, I go with my FH and ask for his opinion and make a major purchasing decision with heavy weight on his opinion most of the time.) Secondly, he might not care too much if I choose a puffy ballgown or a mermaid cut gown, but he would care if I decided to wear a bright orange dress instead of a white or ivory dress. He knows that I’ve put a lot of work into coordinating colors and what not, and knows how upset it would make me if he decided to wear a teal blue vest with his tux instead of one of the wedding colors. 

But on the flip side, I definitely don’t think the bride should go to the tux fittings or anything…. if you go to Men’s wearhouse, you can order color swatches and know ahead of time what color vests to pick. You can also view most suits online ahead of time so at least show your guy what you think would look nice on him (to frame it that way).

There are not many men out there who feel comfortable in a penguin suit anyway, so choosing a bowtie over a euro tie or a tux over a suit isn’t going to be a big deal. So guide him at what you think would look appropriate, and if the guy is snarky, tell him that all of your ‘maids match and it would only make sense for pictures down the road to see matching groomsmen as well. Just my 2 cents! 

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