Post # 1
My best friend asked me to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I cannot wait. After talking about what she wanted for her bachelorette party, I asked her “I (the MOH) am supposed to plan the bachelorette party, right?” She then said, “You don’t have to… (pause). I like planning.” I then said, “No no, I really want to”, to which she responded, “We can figure it out later.”
I realize that it was poor wording since I would be THRILLED to organize an event to celebrate her. I’m just trying to figure out if she was trying to be nice because she thought I didn’t want to do it, or if she actually wants to plan it herself. Did the pause mean anything? (She would obviously have input if I were to organize it.)
If you guys ask someone to be Maid/Matron of Honor, do you usually think they will host a bachelorette party? Honest answer please!
Post # 2
The norm in my area is that the Maid/Matron of Honor plans the bach party with the assistance of the BMs. She’s the point person, but the BMs contribute. I had a similar situation with the chica who was my Maid/Matron of Honor and then had me be her Maid/Matron of Honor. She already had it planned pretty much when they got engaged. I was a little disappointed because with everything else that she pulled, I really didn’t get to do any MOH-typical activities. On the other side, though she asked about my bach party and offered to plan it, she forgot to do really anything and did the one thing I asked her not to do…which was a bar crawl.
I would say let it go for now. It’s not a big deal, but I can understand being disappointed. It is at the end of the day her party.
Post # 3
Thanks so much for the response! I’m not disappointed by it. My concern is that I disappointed her, and that she felt the need to say she liked planning because I said “supposed to”, which made her think that I saw it as an obligation.
I’ll definitely let it go. The wedding date isn’t set yet anyway so I don’t want to seem too eager eitherway. Once I get the wedding invite, I’ll bring it up casually and say, “I know you mentioned that you liked planning, but I would really love to throw you a bachelorette party to celebrate you. Totally understand if you want to organize it and in that case I would be more than happy to help, but just want you to know I’d be thrilled to throw you one as well (obviously with your input)!”
That sounds ok, right?
Post # 4
I’ve learned on the bee that asking your Maid/Matron of Honor or anyone for that matter to plan you a party is a huge no no. If my friend asked me “am I supposed to throw this party?” I’d be hesitant to say “yes, throw me a party.” That’s probably all that’s going on here. Most women nowadays are so terrified of the bridezilla label it’s not surprising.
Post # 5
My Maid/Matron of Honor asked what I wanted to do, and then she sent the email to all the girls and is the “point of contact” for the planning.
Post # 6
So, she said “I like planning”? I guess it would depend on tone but she was either
1. Trying to be humble and not admit she would like that or was offering to help if you found it burdensome (because honestly your wording sounds more like you’re hesistant and asking if it’s an assumed duty instead of an enthusiastic “I would like to throw you a bachelorette”) and/or did not want to make it seem like she was specifically telling you to do it (because that would be rude), or
2. Hinting strongly that she’s a control freak who wants to do her own thing (which is tacky because you don’t throw a party honoring yourself for yourself).
To answer your question – the bachelorette is an optional party. Anyone (except the person being honored) can offer to throw one. It does not need to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, but often times the wedding party traditionally offers. Again, not required they do so and technically anyone can offer to throw it – tradition =/= requirement. If no one offers, then she just doesn’t have one (i.e. she doesn’t just go plan one for herself then).
So if you want to offer, then offer. If you don’t, then don’t feel like your title of Maid/Matron of Honor obligates you to do it anyway.
Post # 7
Thank you for the input! I totally agree with your points of view and definitely think it’s the former. I definitely am so excited to celebrate her and regret my word choice. Now my dilemma is when to bring it up again.
The wedding date isn’t set yet so I’m thinking of bringing it up again when I get the Save the Date and tell her: “I know you mentioned that you liked planning, but I would really love to throw you your bachelorette party! Totally understand if you want to organize it and in that case I would be more than happy to help, but just want you to know I’d be thrilled to throw you one as well (obviously with your input)! Would that be ok? I’m sorry if I came across that way before; I didn’t want to sound like I was assuming I could.”
Does that sound good?
Post # 8
The Maid/Matron of Honor usually plans it and the bridesmaids all help. Xoxo
Post # 9
If there is to be a bachelorette, the Maid/Matron of Honor should plan it. But you should figure out first if she wants one. Personally, I have zero interest in having one, and definitely never attend if it’s an overnight thing.
Post # 10
In my experience, it is never fun when only the Maid/Matron of Honor plans something. The Maid/Matron of Honor should be coordinating with the other bridesmaids to ensure that everyone’s budgets and special circumstances are kept in mind. From there, you should plan something that the bride will love, but that also everyone can contribute to.
When one of my best friends got married, only her Maid/Matron of Honor planned the bachelorette party and refused any of our help. Honestly, it sucked. At the end we were just told how much we owed and I spent $150 on a tepid bachelorette party where no one had fun because it was planned more for the Maid/Matron of Honor, who had children, than for anyone else.
Post # 11
Totally understand your view and I fully intend on involving all the bridesmaids and taking into account their and the bride’s preferences and/or limitations.
I was asking about being the person to be the point-person. Thank you! 🙂
Post # 12
Heeeyyy I’m also from australia and I’m the exact same as your friend. When i was engaged I definitely did not want my Maid/Matron of Honor to plan my bacholerette party. i think it should be up to the bride completely. Give her the option to have you plan it completely for the surprise factor or if she wants to plan it herself let her! Its her day and her celebrations so shouldn’t be a biggie.
I planned a weekend away with all my bridemaids and mothers/aunties. I let my bridesmaids pick out what we did whilst we were there (drinking games, lunch spots etc) but I chose destination and dates!
Post # 13
I LOVE planning! So I get where the bride is coming from, buttttt my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids have expressed that they would like to be the ones to plan it so I gotta let my control freak side go for once and let them take the reigns. Give her time, she really might warm up to the idea of you planning it like I did. As a person who loves that kinda stuff and plans bday parties, christmas parties, etc every year its hard to let go, but the last thing I’d want to do is upset my bridal party and not let them do the one thing they said they want to do (at my age it’s cool to plan a bachelorette). If she doesn’t want to let it go then maybe ask her what she wants and say that you want to do half the work?
Post # 14
It sounds like she wants to plan it herself, but that’s not how bachelorette’s work, technically. She’d be stepping on the toes of politeness. I think people are caring less about that these days though.
For me, I didn’t want, nor expect a bachelorette. I know that if I did have one (or a shower), my girls would have planned it together, just as we did for other weddings. I don’t understand this concept that it all falls on the shoulders of the Maid/Matron of Honor. It never even crossed my mind back then that as a bridesmaid I didn’t have a say as well.
Post # 15
I had some quite strong views on what I did and didn’t want for my bachelorette. My sister (MOH) and I explored a few of them and ended up settling on a broad plan (e.g. an afternoon/night in the city rather than hiring a house) but the details are down to her and anybody else she wants to involve.
I’ve taken a backseat other than I’ll provide details of the women to invite nearer the time.