Post # 1
my fiance and i are both devout christian believers and we’re planning to get married next year in march. in deciding who to marry us, we’re having a hard time. the pastor of the church we attend isn’t really who we’d like to marry us for a number of reasons, one being that my fiance just started coming to my church and doesn’t really know him. we wanted someone who had ministered to both of us during our courtship and who’s faith we really admired, which we found in one of our friends who is a woman teacher/missionary.
we asked her if she would consider, and after some time to think about it, she consented. a couple weeks later, she came back to us saying that someone came up to her and told her of their concerns since she is a woman and not ordained. also, because she isn’t married, she couldn’t properly counsel us. so she told us to think and pray about it more and let her know what we wanted.
so i just wanted to get any opinions out there. we really want to honor God in our marriage and we just want to do the right thing. would it not be a good idea to get a lay-person woman lady to marry us? is it very important to have a pastor marry us?
Post # 3
This really comes down to your particular faith/church. Before you consider any further I would go in and talk with you pastor and ask if a non minister can marry you in the church/will it be recognized by the church.
For us personally we feel strongly that we should be married by a pastor. Its why we are having a church wedding and not a civil ceremony. We don’t consider a marriage “just” a civil union- we consider it to be a very religious sacrement. So for us, it wouldn’t make sense for anyone but a pastor to marry us. That being said this is a super personal choice and comes down to what is going to feel right to you and your Fiance.
A happy medium might be to have your pastor be the officiant at the wedding, but ask your friend to give a blessing during the ceremony. The pastor could say something like “Ms.______ has been a part of you and Fiance spiritual life, and growth as Christians. She would like to offer these words the couple as they join their lives together in Christ.” Then she could offer a personalized blessing for the two of you.
Post # 4
@mmmkf: I had a hard choice between two life-long friends for best man. So… one was licenced to marry (cost about $30) and the other the best man.
Unfortunatley the one that was to marry us was called away due to military related business.
Post # 5
@mmmkf: Oh, as to the “propriety” of it. I am not a religious person… for the reason you are second guessing yourself. Some moron gave you the idea that you (or her) are doing something improper according to some random religious belief they hold. That’s a bunch of crap.
I could realy get up on a soap box here… but the bottom line is do YOU really think the God you believe and have faith in would have a problem with your plan?
Post # 6
My Darling Husband is a senior pastor, and I asked him his thoughts regarding your questions. He said there are several issues involved. Biblically, there is no specific requirement that you must be married by a pastor for God to recognize your marriage. However, certain faith traditions (i.e. denominations) may not look as favorably on your not being married by a pastor, whereas this may not be an issue for other faith traditions. First and foremost, however, is the issue of legality, since whoever performs your ceremony must have legal standing in your state to perform the marriage.
Post # 7
I went to a wedding last summer in Florida. Their good friend married them! Got his officiant license online BUT it was on a beach. Not sure how it works in a church.
Post # 8
We were married by a friend. But he was an ordained pastor. 🙂 We did feel strongly about that, and also felt that becoming ordained online was…strange.
It really depends on what you two believe. I don’t think the Christian faith in general requires a pastor to officiate, but different denominations may (ok, will) have other rules.