Post # 1
Another thread inspired my question to you here.
After waiting, those of you who had a rough time of it, did the ring ‘fix’ all that angst, or does the angst now get transfered to other issues, like planning, or him not being involved in the planning, or him refusing to agree on a date… etc.
Post # 3
No. I don’t think there is any kind of “fix” for a relationship. I was already engaged when I found weddingbee, and I probably wouldn’t have posted while I was “waiting” anyway, but like most of us, we went through our own difficult times while figuring out the right time to get engaged. It was AWFUL! And after we got engaged, we had other things to work through that had been the reasons we waited to get engaged. I just find that we have to keep on keeping on, really. We knew we wanted to get married, so we worked at what we thought we needed to fix. And I do think we get happier as we go along, upcoming wedding or not.
Post # 4
I had some emotional issues with the whole waiting phase and there were some not pretty moments for me and Fiance. At that time the problem was that I was worried that, even though I knew he wanted to get married, he just never thought about it when I didn’t bring it up. I should have just trusted him, once I stopped bothering him he got on the ball lol.
To answer your original question though, the reason that I felt that way was because of my personality. I’m naturally an emotional, second guessing, wanting a plan kind of person so the waiting phase was especially hard. Those kinds of feelings haven’t necessarily transferred over to the wedding, they are the feelings that I’ve had throughout my whole life due to my personality. I was stressed out about waiting, I’m stressed about all of the wedding details, I’m sure after the wedding I’ll be stressed about my baby fever, etc. It’s just who I am. Luckily Fiance loves even that crazy part of me and I’m learning to love it too!
Post # 5
I didn’t have a hard time “waiting”, maybe because we had an open dialogue about it. So, I knew the time line and knew along the way when the ring was purchased and all of that. The actual proposal and specific ring were surprises but I never had to wonder if he was on the same page as me or anything like that.
And since engagement we are still just as happy. I am making a lot of the choices but always clear everything with him and we seem to have a good give and take with the planning.
We just didn’t have anything that needed “Fixing”.
Post # 6
I didn’t mean fix the relationship, but moreso the uneasy, anxious feelings that posters who are waiting express so often on here.
A ring can’t fix a bad relationship, and of course new things are always going to come up that have to be dealt with. I completely agree with you on that.
Aw I hear you. Your post made me smile
Post # 7
If it’s uneasy feelings about the relationship that you meant than I don’t know! I was always sure that we were going to be together, just worried about him dragging his feet and procrastinating.
Post # 9
for me, uncertainty makes me incredibly anxious. while i was in the waiting stage, i was also taking the gre and applying to grad school, so both things i think really kicked my a$$ at the same time, and made both so much worse! i mean, i knew that we were both committed and that he was planning on coming with me whereever i ended up for school, so maybe if the grad school part wasn’t hanging over my head too i wouldn’t have been so impatient and emotional. after we got engaged, i felt fantastic about him, so those feelings of stress and anxiety went away. but i still needed to finish my apps, and then i was anxious about where i’d get in….so yes, when we got engaged the anxiety about him went away, but there was still other anxiety that had made it worse in the first place that had nothing really to do with him. but our wedding planning was actually really pretty stress-free and i loved it! he was really involved and our families were relatively drama-free 🙂
Post # 10
Yes, it fixed the angst. 🙂
Post # 11
For me the ring did make it all better…but then I didn’t really wait very long. I knew fairly early on that I wanted to marry him and knew that he felt the same way. So I didn’t see the point in delaying the ring once we both knew that was what we wanted.
After he proposed, he explained his thought process about why he waited. Most of the wait really was just to throw me off guard so he could surprise me. I still tease him now even after the wedding about how he kept me in the dark.
Post # 12
I guess I wasn’t “waiting” until I caught HIM looking at engagement rings, and asked which one I liked. THEN I got super excited! After going to look and try on rings, I will admit it was a long 2 months! We are still as happy as we were then, and I can’t see anything changing that.
Post # 13
It made it all better for me. I only had to wait a month though, which isn’t very long compared to some ladies. We still have occasional disagreements, but it’s at a completely normal level.
Post # 14
I’m still waiting, but I think I’m the kind of person who will always second guess things because of my family and their insanity – that said, I know hearing the vows WILL make me feel better, not for just the stating of the words, but the fact that if my BF ever gets there, it’ll be because he means it – it’s kinda weird – I want the ring as an outward symbol, not for the fact that it’s shiny (not that that hurts), but because if/when he ets to the point of buying it, he’s just following though with the feelings and thoughts I’d like to know he has. The same thing applies to the wedding – I don’t (reall, I don’t) want or need a fancy wedding – together I can’t think of more than 50 people we could ever invite that I’d care to ahve near me on that day, and I’m really leaning towards only about 30, or even just 2 as witnesses. What matters to me is that he’d be ready to say the vows, meaning his heart is in the right place and his feet/lips/hands followed. Right now, like many on here, I doubt how he feels sometimes simply because he hasn’t shown me what’s in his head/heart by following through the time honored actions.
Post # 15
That must have made you feel really good tho. That boy was planning and shopping, for some men, that is an impossible feat! :p
Post # 16
Yes- it did make the feelings go away. Now we are dealing with the wedding and I am not sure if planning stress is worse than waiting stress- at least with waiting stress you have no control over anything so essentially YOU aren’t causing the stress. Planning stress is just something completely different and I probably have it worse because my Fiance is 1000% involved. Every idea I have had so far, he shot it all down and I really don’t like his ideas due to the cost. I want a cheap wedding- he doesn’t mind spending 20- 30K.