(Closed) Does the ring really means something?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 4
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow before this gets ugly, the ring IS supposed to mean something. It’s supposed to be a symbol, independent of the price tag, that someone wants to spend the rest of their life with you. And the income thing is how the jewelry industry tries to make sure they don’t go out of business Wink

ETA: I don’t by any means think you need to selflessly suck it up and just like it. But saying things like it looks suitable for a 7 year old is not going to get him on your side. There are probably a ton of other women with that exact same ring who love it. And plenty of women on here have smaller sized rings. So just keep that in mind when you’re putting it down because of the size of it and he didn’t spend what you think is a reasonable amount…

Post # 5
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

Can we see a picture? I’m here with you. My Fiance goes by the rule three months salary.. I always thought that was how it was and never heard a jeweler say that before..

Maybe say you are uncomfortable with his god mothers ring and maybe you too can sit down together and look at some rings.

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you’re being selfish, but that’s just me (if the small ring was all he could afford or if you really wanted a small ring, it would be a different matter). Yes, the ring is symbolic and that’s what matters… but if you are supposed to completely disregard what it looks like, why do people shop around for one that they think suits them? Maybe you could gently recommend getting something more personalized and adding the stone in the current ring to that one.

Post # 7
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

Have you tried telling him how you feel?

Post # 10
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The ring is supposed to be a symbol of your committment.  There is nothing wrong with your not liking what he gave you, though.  Be honest with him (in a nice and diplomatic way) and try to get across that you love him very much and want to marry him but you would prefer having a special ring that you chose together and not that belonged to someone in his family.  Do you think he’d be offended by that?  Hopefully he was just being a little lazy by giving you that particular ring without realizing you wouldn’t be crazy about it.  Just because you don’t really care for the style of that particular ring is nothing to feel bad about, though, and it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t love him or question his committment.

I would try talking with him about it and see if he’s willing to go ring shopping for something you like more, or at least let you pick something out for yourself.

You can make your own rules, lol.  😉

Post # 11
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

@1313Mockingbird:  Hahahahahaha….

 To the OP: I guess I can *sort of* understand where you’re coming from…maybe…but honestly who cares? Do you want to get married or not? That’s what you need to decide, and if you decide that you don’t want to plan a wedding because of the size of your ring then it sounds like not many quality guys deserve to marry you. 

Sorry if this post is kind of mean, but that is how I feel. Guess what? Some girls don’t even WANT and engagement ring!! They’re only as important as you make them.

Post # 12
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Beauty-fulllady82:  You COULD say that you don’t feel comfortable being given an heirloom, that maybe another family member can get it instead, and would prefer a ring that suits your and his tastes more. And represents your relationship, not someone else’s. 

Post # 13
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Why is this posted in the NYC board? Do you live there? If so, $100K in the city is not that much…especially with a child. Maybe he really couldn’t afford anything else and thought you would like this ring? And if after 12 years you are afraid to talk to him about anything, you guys have other issues to deal with.

Post # 14
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beauty-fulllady82:  Since you say it looks like a child’s ring could you suggest giving it to your daughter as a gift (so she doesn’t feel left out of the engagement – this could make her part of it) and get you something new?

Post # 16
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry that you feel like your fiance should have spent more money on your ring.  There is no “rule” for what he should spend on your ring, and unless you specifically told him what you wanted and he deliberately ignored it I wouldn’t suggest being angry. 

You can talk to him and tell him how you feel, or ignore your feelings and be grateful for your proposal – honestly, if you have a child, a happy relationship, and are living together as husband and wife, he might not think that the ring would be that important to you.  IMO, $100k/year doesn’t go far when you have a kid and housing/lifestyle expenses to keep up with, so it might not be realistic to expect him to spend 10% of what he earns on your ring unless you assumed he’d been saving for a long time.  I hope that you can get excited about planning your wedding and resolve this issue between the two of you. 

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