(Closed) Does the wedding party need to buy gifts for the couple?

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’ve never attended or been in a wedding and not gotten the couple a gift. In regards to what the best man’s dad said – well, technically, no one ever *needs* to give a gift to anyone. But I’ve certainly never heard of it being a tradition for the wedding party to not give a gift. To my knowledge, it’s common for the wedding party to all chip in and get something for the couple that none of them could have afforded on their own.

Post # 4
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with reherring.  That’s certainly no tradition I’ve ever heard of followed.  Gifts are never “required” but I certainly don’t think the best man’s dad was correct.

In fact, I just checked a few online wedding etiquette sources, and they even remind the best man to budget for a gift for the couple as part of his duties!

Post # 5
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

The only time I was in a wedding was for my sisters.  I did not get her a gift.  But my reason was that I was a broke college student, had to pay for my dress, my shoes, my flight, my FIs (BF at time) flight since he was also broke, and I had just quit my job (for health reason, I knew I would be broke).

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’ve always given gifts when in weddings, and my wedding party gave us gifts. personally, i feel like they’re your nearest and dearest, so while the gifts don’t need to be expensive (because they’re already spending a lot for your wedding) it’s nice to show you care.

Post # 7
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

oops double post!

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

as a bride, im not expecting a gift from my wedding party – partially because its a semi destination wedding and they are paying for dresess, rooms, bachelorette, shower, etc.

if they do get me something i sure hope its NOT expensive. but i am guessing if they do get me anything it will be like a keep sake type thing – or something that reminds us of our relationship. meaningful gift….

all of the weddings i have been in (up to 13 now!) i have usually gotten the couple SOMETHING – depending on how much i already had to spend on the wedding. for instance, one wedding i was spending upwards of 2K already with the destination bachelorette, expensive dress etc… they got a frame from me to put in one of their wedding pics. however another wedding where everything was local and totally cheap i got $300 sheets for their bed. its all relative.

Post # 9
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve always gotten a gift when in the bridal party, but its usually something smaller and more meaningful. I generally can’t afford an expensive gift after all the money I’ve already spent, but I always want to give something.

Post # 10
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The last wedding I was in, I actually didn’t give a gift to the bride and groom.  I got them a really nice shower gift, bachelorette party gift, made all of their programs…and the wedding was three hours away.  And I was the only bridesmaid that made multiple trips up for it.  By the time we got to the wedding I looked at their registries and they were wiped out and I felt weird giving cash.  I kind of feel bad I didn’t give something, especially since now I know a lot more about weddings.

But she didn’t seem to mind…and when they were opening their gifts I don’t recall any presents from any of the other wedding party members.

Post # 11
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve been in 5 weddings and gotten shower, bachelorette and wedding gifts for all of them…

I guess I just wanted to help them start their life together. I never counted my bridal party attendance as my gift. Although since I was in 3 last year alone,  had a certain amount I was going to spend on each girl’s wedding for gifts, travel, attire, hotel etc so I divided what was left after the dress and shoes and spent that on their gifts.

I’m a gift giver though… I love giving gifts! I’d feel horrible not giving my closest friends a wedding gift!

Post # 12
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I always have! I usually give more (never buy something, always give money) because if I am in the wedding I am obviously a close friend/family member. Only one time I didn’t was bc it was a destination wedding and she told us not too since it cost a couple thousand to be there. But I did get her something nice at the bridal shower

Post # 13
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

There is one wedding in which I did not buy the couple a wedding gift, and I was the maid of honor. However, I spent upwards of $2,000 on the wedding once you count my plane ticket, hotel room, the 2 bachelorette parties that I threw, setting up the honeymoon suite, and all the gifts we gave the bride at her b-parties. I simply could not afford to add a wedding gift to that, and the bride understood. I’m going to give her something nice for their 1-year anniversary.

I think as a general rule though, bridal parties do give gifts to the couple.

Post # 14
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Ive been in 3 weddings and have always gotten a gift.  Everyone in our wedding party got us a gift as well except for one person but he came from across the country and is low on finances and to be honest we really didnt care.  Its definitely not mandatory to get a gift but I would always give a gift even if I was part of the wedding.  That doesnt mean it has to be the most expensive thing and I wouldnt expect it to be but something is always nice.

Post # 15
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i always give gifts when in a wedding party.  sometimes not an expensive gift if i already spent a ton to be in a wedding party, but usually still a gift worth at least $50.

I think it will depend on each person’s financial situation.  If the best man is poor and already spent a lot to be in the party then he probably doesn’t have to get you a gift.

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve never heard of this, and would definitely give the bride and groom a gift.  Now, I do realize that a gift isn’t a “must”, but I personally don’t subscribe to that camp.  I truly believe in gift giving, espeically to a couple just starting their lives together.  And if I’m in the wedding party … we’ll I must be pretty darn close to them, so I would absolutely want to give them a gift they would cherish for years to come.  I do understand that expenses come up with pre-wedding functions, but personally, those are all optional (or they were in my case).  I didn’t ask my wedding party to travel to far off destinations or throw elaborate parties ~ anything they did, was of their own choosing.  On the flip side as well ~ I treated my wedding party to many things as well (rehearsal dinner, wedding day gifts, hair, makeup …), as well as inviting spouse and children.  Even if as a bridesmaid or MoH I didn’t feel I needed to give a gift, I know my husband would feel weird if one wasn’t given at least on his behalf as an attendee.  

But I never looked at this from a “I’m out this much, you paid this much for bach party ..” point of view.  If you looked at it from a comparison of spenditures, you’ll drive yourself mad.  To me, it’s that I love these people so much, and not only am I sharing in their special day, I want to contribute to their future together.  The gift our Best Man gave us ~ we will cherish forever, and start talking about him and stories everytime we use it.

But to each their own:)

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