(Closed) Does this make me really awful?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t know… if I were her, I would probably be irritated, but not MAD.  But then again, people can be petty (especially some brides/Bridezillas) and get mad about anything. 

It doesn’t matter how long either arty has been together or how long they have been engaged, IMO.  It sounds like she would be mad at you even if you had been together for 20 years and had gotten engaged on the same day she did.

I would just shrug it off and not let her frustrations affect your wedding planning.  How many weddings have you seen with the same colors that ended up looking EXACTLY alike?  None!  I’ve been to three pink/green/brown weddings and they all looked different and unique. 

Try to not let her get to you.

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I’d be irritated about the colours, not the date. (I’m a big fan of the SATC line: You get a day. Not a week, not a month 🙂 )

She’s probably worried she’ll look like she copied you.

 Can you change one of your accent colours? Or add another colour in?

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

yeah i wouldn’t put the fact who’s been with who longer.  that would make it a bit petty.  however, leaving that aside, she is throwing this thing out of proportion.  yes i would be perturbed, but let’s not make a big deal out of it.  it’s a month difference in between and it’s not like those 25 ppl that you both know are torn between two weddings to go to.  they can still go to both.  there are color schemes that are sooo common for weddings such as pink and grey, pink and white, red and black, black and white, etc… whatever the case may be, just concentrate on your own wedding bc believe me, you have more things to think about than putting your efforts to try to placate her.

Post # 7
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Sorry, but I’d be irritated too.  I’ve been together years longer than my friends and their sign. others, but I don’t think (nor do they) I rank above.  I’d be irritated, like maple said, that it’d look like I was copying your wedding.  This happened to me (cousin had same colors, program, photobooth, entree, bouquets, and cake).  I was ticked (cause I showed her my wedding book), but I dealt and changed it up since I’m marrying after her.  You can’t expect her not to be ticked, but if she has any smarts to her she’ll change it up and make it her own if she’s worried being too similar.

Post # 8
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I’d like to say that I’m a big girl and I’d be totally happy/not irritated/wouldnt care at all but…that would be lying.

I’d be mad.  Not steaming mad, but unfortunately, I’d probably be making snide comments (but not to your face…cause I’m passive like that).  Probably a little more than irritated, but not flaming mad.  somewhere in between.

Normal, well adjusted, nice people would probably not be mad.  I…unfortunately…am not one of those people.

I’m not giving you any flack though, its your wedding, and the likelyhood of it looking just like your friend’s wedding is very low (even though youre using the same colors)….ESPECIALLY if its a normal color like Red, or Chocolate brown or whatever.  COMEON!  Its a normal wedding color.  You cant be that mad 🙂

 So in short, yes, Mabel is overreacting, but unfortunately, I’d probably overreact too.  I hate to admit this weakness about myself but hey, were being honest here right?  

Keep doing what you’re doing, youre in love, youre getting married, and colors are REALLY the least important part about it!!! Yay!  Good luck! 

Post # 9
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I’ve been planning a wedding 4/19/08 for about a year, and just a week ago my friend told me she got engaged and is going to have her wedding at the end of Feb. We have a lot of the same friends, so she was nervous about it and was scared I would get mad. Honestly, I am nothing but happy for her. And if she was using the same colors, I could care less – I’m just happy that she is getting married to someone she really loves who will make her happy.

 Now, if she had the same dress and used the same venue, then I would think she was a stalker or something.

I think in this situation you have to be the judge of yourself. Are you at all trying to steal her thunder? Do you guys historically have a competitive/jealousy thing going on? Would it matter to you if the roles were reversed? If the answer is no in all three cases, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to look youself in the mirror and be happy with the person you are so if you know that you had only good intentions then don’t let someone else make you doubt yourself.

Post # 10
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I think she is overreacting. It doesn’t really matter who’s been dating longer or who got engaged first, does it? When you get engaged, you don’t get to claim the whole entire year (or however long) leading up to your wedding.

So many things go into picking a date for a wedding. Work, school and family schedules, venue availability, and so on. It is rather self-centered of her to think that your wedding date has anything to do with her whatsoever.

As for the colors, I can’t honestly say that those things really stuck with me before I was a bride-to-be. Chances are most of your overlapping guests won’t notice. Even if they do, I would imagine you will each use them in ways that make sense for your individual weddings and you and your Fiance as a couple. So unless you are going to go all SWF on her ass with centerpieces and programs, then she needs to chill.

Post # 11
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I’d be annoyed too.  It’s one thing if you booked your wedding after hers, but before hers??  No no. 

Post # 13
Member
48 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s just getting wrapped up in the "all about me" attitude that feeds the bridezilla stereotype.

Post # 14
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

You could extend an olive branch to her, and offer to show her some of the things you have planned (like your theme, dresses, etc). This way she could plan to do something different since her wedding is a month later and she would have time to make changes. I wouldn’t offer to change anything in your wedding, but just tell her that you’d like to give her the courtesy of knowing your plans so she can arrange hers differently if she wishes.

Post # 15
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I don’t think it makes you awful, but I am like the others when I say I would be annoyed.

I have been engaged for almost nine months, and we picked out our date right away. My maid of honor just got engaged at Christmas, and she picked her wedding date 3 weeks after mine. Now that it’s getting down to the nitty gritty on wedding planning, it’s doing the same for her, etc. We share a huge chunk of our guest list. So yes, I am very very annoyed, and I can see where you are coming from.

On the other hand, if you’re not close, and you’re barely close to her to the point you hardly talk to her (except share wedding colors?) then I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just some other girl’s wedding, right? Just use this opportunity to make your wedding more awesome and creative than hers, so that people are still talking about yours at her wedding.

Post # 16
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Is the only thing that’s the same the colors?  Not the venue?  Seriously, no one is going to freaking notice.  I think many people are not even aware that weddings have colors.  Do you remember the colors of any wedding you’ve been to (before you got engaged and started noticing these things, that is)?  I literally remember the colors of only two weddings I’ve been to, and in both cases it’s because I was a bridesmaid and was therefore wearing the darned color!  It’s ridiculous. 

I suppose if you want to be nice, I’d make sure your bridesmaids are not dressed in the same color as hers (say your colors are pink and brown, and her girls are in pink…then you go with brown), because that will be the only color at the wedding anyone will notice.

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