Post # 1
Let’s hear your thoughts on this situation:
I was talking with a friend today, “Maria” who recently started dating “Paul” (they’ve been seeing each-other exclusively for just over a month, but aren’t ready to call it bf & gf). Maria met Paul through her room-mate, with whom he went to high-school. Recently, Maria’s room-mate shared a story about Paul from high-school (which was many years ago) where he was invited to a “lame” Halloween party which he committed to going to, and then claimed he was sick. A few days later, pictures turned up on Paul’s Facebook showing that he’d partied hard at a different party.
Maria went on to say that when she was out at the bar last weekend, she drunk-dialed Paul and drunk-girl asked him to come pick her up. He did, and on their walk home, his phone rang. She drunkenly/jokingly asked if she could answer it for him. He refused, saying it was his bestfriend (a guy) that he had ditched claiming illness to go pick up Maria. He said he’d ‘fess up to his bestfriend later, in person.
Maria said she “hears alarm bells” about how deceitful he is because of this. She said he’s also last-minute-ditched another party next weekend to be with her.
I told her I thought it was ridiculous. To me, it just sounds like he’s non-confrontational and doesn’t have the balls to be honest with his buddy that he’d rather spend some time with his new love interest. She said it makes him a liar and she’s extremely concerned he’ll lie to her in the future about his whereabouts. I told her not to borrow trouble from tomorrow, and to discuss it with him when/if she ever has suspicions that he pulls this crap on her. She said all her other friends are telling her different – that he’s a liar by reputation (though only because of these three examples?!?!?!) and she should confront him about it.
So who do you think is right?
Post # 2
If everyone who has ever made up an excusd to not go to a party is a no-good liar, there are A LOT of no-good lying people! I wouldn’t be too worried about it.
Post # 3
Does it raise alarms? About him, not really. About their relationship, yes.
Sorry but this sounds very “high schoolish” and not grown adults. It sounds like she doesn’t trust him and not by what the other person said. Why does she want to answer his phone, because she doesn’t trust him? They have only been together a month. That is nothing. He’s a liar by reputation all by what she “heard”?? Pahleez!! How about being adult and asking him, getting to know him, trusting him until he breaks that trust with her.
To act like a drunk fool asking to answer his phone after only a month, already questioning his trust…now THAT raises alarms.
Post # 4
i think lying to get out of parties counts as a ‘white lie’, and is fine as long as you aren’t an ass about it. I think she should be aware of this pattern in him and confront him if it ever becomes an issue with her, or she thinks he is lying about other stuff. In the meanwhile, it’s only been a month, she should enjoy getting to know her new love interest!
Also, most of us do things we aren’t proud of while teenagers, it’s a very selfish age. I don’t think she should worry too much.
Post # 5
It raises alarms for me, but not about him. The alarms are about drunk girl asking him to pick her up, and drunk girl wanting to answer his phone.
Post # 6
anonybee0810: Maria is being ridiculous. The relationship is only a month old – they’re not even officially bf and gf. It’s fine for Paul to be coy about it to his friends for a while.
That said, I think it’s a concern that “all her other friends” say he’s a “liar by reputation”. Unless there’s a reason why all the girls would irrationally hate him (e.g. one of their group had a hurtful breakup with him so they all side with him), then that’s a red flag. I think Maria should tread carefully.
Post # 7
julies1949: I disagree. Phoning bf was the responsible thing to do, and answering bf’s phone is just a bit of fun.
Post # 8
aussiemum1248: Thet aren’t bf/gf by their own definition, and I would think that she might want to make a better impression on some guy she has been dating for just over a month,than phoning him drunk.
I’m sure she had other options to get home safely. A taxi perhaps? What would she have done 4 short weeks ago before she met him?
Wanting to answer his phone was snooping, not a bit of fun.
Post # 9
Ugh, we’re being judged for what we did in high school now? I echo PPs: the alarm bells aren’t ringing because of him–it’s her behavior I find a bit disconcerting.
Post # 10
aussiemum1248: When she said “all her other friends” think he’s a liar, it was because she had related this exact story and they’d all said he doesn’t sound trustworthy and is a liar. Only her room-mate really knows him at all, the rest are all reacting to her story (which makes it even more absurd to me – this was such a nothing story to me that I couldn’t believe it when she said how her friends had reacted to it).
And ditto on the answering the boyfriend’s phone. She said she was feeling drunk and silly, and thought it would be cute.
I dunno, I lie to people (usually co-workers and fair-weather acquaintances) all the time about how busy or sick I am so I can stay home. I’m extremely introverted and would usually rather hang out with my hubby. But I’ve never once – and would never – lie to my hubby, a family member, or a close friend about what I’m up to. I don’t think begging off as ill is such a big deal.
Post # 11
anonybee0810: Oh I see – if they’re all reacting to one story that’s rather different then.
Post # 12
I dunno, it sounds like he is probably dating someone else. I am unsure about the party nonsense. Guys who are friends usually don’t have to lie about these types of things. A party is not as as serious as they are making it sound. They are not even official like that yet. This entire issue seems silly…
Post # 13
anonybee0810: sorry I do this all the time.
some people get butt hurt when I say “sorry, I just want to stay in with SO tonight” as apparently I could do that anytime and it’s not an acceptable excuse? so I have to say we’re actually doing something.
Post # 14
No matter how much I loved someone, I would not let them drunkenly answer my phone, ever. Friend, partner, I don’t care. But also it’s awkward to ditch parties and lots of people make up excuses. If anything, this experience should show her how interested in her he is, how caring and supportive, and how he’s willing to go out of way for her.
Post # 15
I don’t think the lying would raise alarm bells for me. If I was dating someone and picked them up because they were too drunk to get home, I wouldn’t want them answering my phone regardless of who is calling. They are drunk, why would I want them talking to someone I know in their drunken state? It would raise more alarm bells that they are asking to answer my phone drunk, it would irritate me and I find that behavior childish.