Does this seem reasonable for what we're asking guests? (Destination wedding)

posted 4 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t be able to justify the cost for a friend, but would attend for immediate family. The cost would majorly change my future plans – I wouldn’t be able to afford another holiday for a year or two (or three). 

I wouldn’t be keen on having a lot of extra wedding events, because if I’m in Italy, I want to explore! 

Post # 4
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017 - Maui, Hawaii

I think it sounds reasonably priced and I would be excited to attend a wedding like this. However, I agree with the pp about the extra wedding events. I had a destination wedding on Maui and I was nervous I didn’t plan to do enough of that kind of stuff for my guests, but it turned out that everyone wanted to spend their time on Maui their own way anyway, and we even had a hard time wrangling everyone for a rehearsal lunch… we ended up doing a picnic on the beach instead of something more formal. But you know your crowd the best. I think I had gotten caught up in what Pinterest and wedding blogs and sites said I needed to do, when in reality my crowd didn’t expect or want all that anyway.

Post # 5
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Your asking for opinions so here is mine.   It is not intended to make anyone feel bad.    

 

I also live in the Northeast of the US and life here is expensive.    Many people live above their income level and are ashamed to have to say no to something.    I would find this trip too expensive and the set up uncomfortable.    I do not want to have to stay for a full Saturday to Saturday.    I would not want to stay in a villa with others.   Even the come by and grab alchohol would be strange to me.   But, if I were someone who liked all those things….then my feelings about it would be different.   Are you planning to let people with kids bring them?   Would they be allowed to stay in the villa?   What if someone wants to stay in the villa but it is full.    

Post # 7
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

nattywed :  Obviously it would depend on my financial situation but personally I think it sounds like a great deal and would definitely go if I could! I think it is just really important to not be disappointed when guests can’t make it and to realize it wouldn’t be personal. I would also appreciate information ASAP so I could start planning. For example, I don’t think there is anything wrong with it being child-free (if you chose that path) but I would need to know in order to factor that into my decision etc. As I said, I think it sounds great but the truth is some people might not. However it is your wedding, if they don’t like the plan, they don’t need to come! It sounds like you are being a very thoughtful host.

Post # 8
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

It sounds reasonably priced per day for a week away, but not everyone wants to spend an entire week of their vacation time on someone else’s wedding and traveling for any less ups the cost/day. And tbh, depending on which city/countryside area you’re looking into, not everyone will want to spend an entire week at the villa, people don’t always want an entire week with someone else’s extended family and/or friends of a friend – are there activities that are free/low cost other than sitting by the pool, is there a village they can walk to for a day trip, will you organize day trips to the nearest towns/cities, will this be a childfree wedding (how many parents will leave kids behind for a week?!) and if not, does that mean families have to save up for more? You’d also have to factor in more +1s than a normal, local wedding…because very few people will be willing to travel for a week to Europe without their partner. 

I took a week off to travel for a friend’s wedding, never again. If you were immediate family, depending on my work/study schedule, I’d try to swing it but it would be a lot harder than a local wedding and depending on how stressful it was arranging time off and saving up for the trip, I may be less enthusiastic about the entire thing.

Also, FYI, holding too many wedding-related festivities might not be that good an idea, I was at the wedding location for 9 days (2 weekends) and got mildly annoyed that BOTH weekends were used up by the couple and their pre-wedding/wedding festivities. Yes, I’m travelling primarily for the wedding, but what’s the fun in visiting a new place if I don’t get to see much of it?

In My Humble Opinion, there aren’t many “parties” worth 16 hours of plane.

Post # 9
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

nattywed :  I would never travel that far for a wedding, unless it was my own……..

Post # 11
Member
9900 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t attend. It’s just too much money to spend on someone else’s wedding and while Italy sounds nice I have quite a few places on my bucket list above Italy. 

Post # 12
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not go, cost and inconvenience being the major factors.

Cost:

  • $900 – $1,000 for flight and hotel.
  • $600 or so to board my dogs.
  • $200 or so for gift
  • $300 – $400 for proper clothes
  • $400 or more for incidental spending while there

That’s $2400 on the conservative side. I would not spend that on anyone’s wedding. (including my brother’s, who had a destination wedding 16 years ago that was $2,000 per person. Went to the local reception a week later instead.)

Inconvenience:

  • Using up a week’s vacation
  • Going back to work after a week and digging out
  • Boarding my dogs for that long
  • Overseas flight and all of the hassle/jetlag that comes with it

 

Post # 13
Member
7242 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think it sounds terrible, but I’d rather you pay for accommodations in full and I’ll pay for my own food and drinks. If you cannot afford to have the wedding there without guests pitching in, then you can’t afford the venue. Guests shouldn’t have to subsidize your venue.

that said, I think it’s fine to be on a weekday (people would likely be taking more than 2 days off anyways so it’s not like they could reasonably do a weekend away). And I think the price of flights is fine. 

Keep in mind guests will also need to spend money on transportation and day trips and whatnot to really make it a ‘vacation’.

one of my co-workers just went to a wedding like this. The couple basically rented out every bnb in a small Italian town and covered the cost for a time (5 days maybe?). People just paid to attend and their activities. They ended up renting a car and spending another week touring around and absolutely loved it. 

So in conclusion – save the money on pre wedding activities and free booze for the week and put towards accommodations. 

Post # 15
Member
8953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

nattywed :  I might do this for my own kids, but nobody else. The money, the time off work, the airport departing, 10 hours in the air, the airport arriving, jet lag and adjusting to a 6 hour time difference, spending my week in Italy doing stuff that someone else wanted me to do, then all their airport and jetlag hassles again coming home….. Nope. No way. I love my siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, etc but jetting off to Italy for their wedding? That’s not going to happen in this lifetime.

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