Does this seem reasonable for what we're asking guests? (Destination wedding)

posted 4 months ago in Guests
Post # 46
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t go unless I could actually make a real vacation out of it. A 2 hour train ride to Rome? Sorry, but no thanks.

There’s zero chance I would spend that much money to sit in a villa and not actually see the attractions in Italy. I don’t get why you need to do this in Italy if you aren’t even near the tourist destinations. There are plenty of places in the US with lovely countryside where you can eat and drink and hang out at a house.

eta: if you were my family member and I *had* to attend, I would probably stay in Rome or Florence and show up just for the day of the wedding.

Post # 47
367 posts
Helper bee

this is definitely a know your crowd situation.  i lived in nyc for a long time and my group of friends there were all childless young professionals in their late 20s and early 30s who made good salaries and travelled a lot.  international destination weddings like this were not infrequent  (i happily attended some myself) and people had the money and the willingness to build a vacation around someone’s wedding.  if your friends and family are like this, then i think what you have proposed is fine.

i do agree with other posters that you should not make a week full of wedding events, however.  people will come for the wedding, and maybe a pre-wedding dinner or post-wedding brunch, but then they will want free time to explore the region or travel to other parts of italy. 

Post # 48
307 posts
Helper bee

nattywed :  People who can and want to attend will, just don’t get upset or have any expectations of people. This is the rule for any destination wedding.. you can go get married on the moon if you want but no one is obligated to spend their time or money.

For the love of god do not have wedding events no one wants to go to 4 dinners with a bunch of people they dont really know when they are in a beautiful european city with their own friends and loved ones. you get ONE day. thats it.. the rest is their trip… expect that most people will likely come for your wedding and one or two days before/after at most.

Also I would not push the villa option as likely most people would prefer to stay in that town/city for a couple days and move on to oher parts of country or even europe.. I would never spend a week in the same city in Europe when travelling there.
So ensure there are enough hotels/air bnb to cover your guests.


Post # 49
307 posts
Helper bee

Westwood :  Agreed. A week in villa with randoms is a such a waste for anyone coming from North America or further continents away from Europe. 

Unless you are loaded going to Europe is a very large vacation most people dont exactly go to once a year



Post # 50
307 posts
Helper bee

nattywed :  then elope. your DREAM wedding is a logistical and financial nightmare for your loved ones/you are making them fund your dream wedding.


Post # 51
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

nattywed :  this sounds very fun to me if you are a close friend! Otherwise I probably wouldn’t take that much vacation time without having input on what / where the vacation is. 

(I haven’t read any other responses, this is just my immediate thoughts after reading your post.)

Post # 52
5272 posts
Bee Keeper

nattywed :  I had a destiaation wedding in a tropical location and everyone came and spent a week there for about $1200 all inclusive (flight included) I didn’t expect many people to come but we actaully had a large turnout of over 60 people. We chose a location not to far and kept it simple as it was all inclusive and everything was at the same resort made logistics alot easier. If I was invited to your wedding I probably wouldn’t go because one it’s far to travel too and two like another poster said ifI went to Italy I would want to see all the attractions and travel around not just stay at a villa.

Post # 54
3962 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

nattywed :  I would go if it was good timing and we could afford it since I would personally love to go to Italy, but I think no matter what you offer your guests, a lot will decline.  We were invited to a destination wedding next year that looks INCREDIBLE and I’d love so much to attend, but we’re building our savings up before TTC and can’t really swing it.  I would do just about anything for a close friend or family member though, so if this person was someone we were closer to, we would make it work.  

ETA: Like some PP, we would likely stay in Rome or Florence and come up to the small town just for the wedding. 

Post # 55
1496 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

A lot of this depends on your invitees. Will they be able to spend this type of money? $400 for accomodations + flight is not bad for a week in Italy… but let’s be fair, most people save for a very long time to travel to Europe, period. 

Is this a jet-setting crowd? Do they have passports already, or would they need to get them for your wedding?  Not that it’s a bad thing, just that it’s *another* thing. 

Post # 56
918 posts
Busy bee

I went to destination wedding last year in Santorini. It was expensive but honestly it was one of the most beautiful weddings I ever attended. All of the guest turned it into their own vacations. Darling Husband and I went to Italy for a week first, other friends went ot Paris, Spain, etc and we all met in Greece for a few days for the wedding. The only thing about your wedding that I don’t like is that its requireing guest to stay in the villa for a week. Maybe you can find accomodations for only 2-3 nights instead? That way people can see other parts of Italy before or after your wedding. 

Post # 57
2094 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m torn. One one hand, I do think an Italian destination wedding is much more appealing than the run of the mill Mexico or DR wedding. However; it just probably wouldn’t be something I could possibly swing, even given this much notice– because the expenses would be too great. We’d need childcare set up with relatives for 3 kids. Then a house sitter for the animals. Either transportation to the airport or pay for airport parking. A longggg flight with multiple layovers, stay in a villa for a week doing ??? 


I think doing a similar trip in Napa or Sonoma would be much more doable for your US family/friends and they could have access to (1) a hotel of their choice or (2) to make it a 3-4 days event vs an entire week and multiple time zone event


ETA: then save Italy for your honeymoon!

Post # 58
12670 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I will be brutally honest and say that as a guest, not only would I not attend unless you were my own sister, I’d consider it a rude imposition. That’s because I don’t share your view that just because you say you won’t resent anyone who does not attend, that that makes it any less of a burden on the people closest to you. You only have one wedding and some people will sacrifice their own vacations, blow budgets, and take time off they were hoping to use for other things in order to attend. People will if possible prioritize a wedding of a loved one. That’s on you.

 A destination wedding is almost always your idea of someone else’s vacation and giving people time to save for it rather than their own, cannot be construed as any sort of favor or advantage to them. It’s significant money they would not have had to spend at all. Rather than doing something local, within budget, you are prioritizing an exotic venue over people and passing costs to them in order to have something you consider worthy. 

On top of that the logistics sound like my personal nightmare. I would not opt to stay in a shared villa with all of those people if it was 5 star and cost little to nothing. 

I know people who have been invited to weddings like these and felt obligated to attend despite the couple, like you, insisting otherwise. The only way I think something like this can work is if it’s immediate family and jointly planned. Sorry! 

Post # 59
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

nattywed :  I think people are saying the “guests funding your wedding” part because you have to rent the whole villa to have the wedding there, and you’d want the guests to pay substantially towards the total rental costs. 

I don’t particularly care about that part of it (I think it’s reasonable IF you have enough people who’d want to just chill at a villa for a week) – just interpreting for you as you requested 🙂

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