Does this seem reasonable for what we're asking guests? (Destination wedding)

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 62
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

The only way I would attend is if you were a sibling or otherwise very close family member.  Even then I’d be a little annoyed about having to stay the whole week.  And all the additional wedding-related events sound more like a chore than fun for anyone but you.  If it were somewhere I actually wanted to go (let’s say Rome instead of random tiny village in the middle of nowhere), I’d feel differently about it.  I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to hang out in a villa for a whole week doing nothing.  I’d like an option to only stay a couple nights and then be free to travel around europe to places I actually want to go.  Sorry to be blunt but these would be my honest thoughts if you invited me.

Post # 63
13559 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Costs are more broadly directly shifted to guests by the added price of transportation, accomodations, and time off work in order to travel to a location that is cheaper and more glamorous for the OP. 

Post # 64
463 posts
Helper bee

The reason people go to the Caribbean is because not only is it beautiful, it’s also a short flight from NY. It’s reasonable to go for a weekend and be back for work on Monday.

I live in NYC as well and did not attend a destination wedding in Spain for a longtime friend because it was a huge imposition on me for the same reasons yours are.  As a hypothetical guest to your Italian villa wedding, you are essentially asking for a full week of my life for your wedding – a full week missing work, a full week of childcare/petcare, a long flight, and a lot of expenses. Although I’m sure the venue is beautiful and fantastic and Italy is great, it’s not really a vacation for ME as a guest since I don’t get to pick the date, the hotel, or anything else. It’s a huge ask and I would not attend except for my very best friend or immediate family member.

Post # 66
3298 posts
Sugar bee

I would have totally made the trip when I was younger and more flexible, and in fact I did make such a trip for a close friend who got married in Europe when we were all in our mid 20s (we live in the US, for reference). Flights were around $1000, but I was fortunate to be able to afford it and happy to spend my money on a once in a lifetime trip like that. Regarding your wedding…any excuse to go to Italy is a good one for me! I would have jumped at the chance to make my own vacation around it!

Now with a kid and a husband with a crazy, inflexible work schedule…very doubtful I’d be able to make it. But I wouldn’t begrudge you for having your Italy wedding if that’s what you want to do! 

Post # 67
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think that comment really refers to the fact that you say you can’t afford the wedding you want back home so in order to get the wedding you want, you are expecting guests to shell out a lot of $ for the gorgeous backdrop. You said you are getting positive feedback from vips but really how much detail are you providing? Do they know they’ll be at an Italian villa without access to transportation or otherwise will need to rent a car to travel anywhere they may want to go? Do they know it requires a Saturday to Saturday stay? I’m sure your VIPS are supportive but I’m guessing the reality of the situation will be quite different in a few months when it comes time to book. 

Post # 68
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

As someone who loves to travel abroad, I would absolutely be in, and would make an extended vacation out of it (hit up some other cities before hand). However, like PP, I wouldn’t want the whole week there to be full of wedding related activities. I would want to explore on my own and with some other friends. 

When my friend got married in the Carribean, she did it well because everyone could do their own excursions (we were down there for a full week, wedding was early in the week), and they could do it with other people attending the wedding so everyone got to know everyone really well! I went out on some mini-boats and did some snorkeling with a group, one group explored some ruins, another group did some zip lining, and a large group of us swam with whale sharks one day! It was the best time! No one felt obligated to do everything together, and they didn’t feel obligated to go to a bunch of “pre wedding” festivities. 

One thing I would do is offer up some “excursions” or ideas of how to get around. While my husband and I and some of our friends would just try to figure it out with busses and trains, I know some people like to have a bunch of options. So, instead of putting out a bunch of alcohol, or providing basics for them to cook in their room, or doing a bunch of meals, save your money there and organize a bus to come in and do a day trip. People could go or not, its up to them. Provide bus schedules and directions and options of things to do as well. That way small groups can go out on their own if they are so inclined! Congratulations!! 

Post # 70
463 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
nattywed :  To make a long story short, when the idea first came up I told her I’d love to come if I could make it, but by the time RSVPs came out, it was a firm no from me. When I sat down and really did the math it was just far too much financially and in terms of work and other obligations in my day to day life. And she and I had been good friends for 20+ years at that point – from pre-K until her wedding.

Post # 71
4541 posts
Honey bee

The only issue I take with this is that I wouldn’t want to stay in the villa for the entire week.  I’d come for a few nights surrounding the wedding and then would want to go off and travel to different parts of the country.  

I’m doing this for a wedding in January in the Caribbean.  We are staying near the majority of the guests for 4 nights and then we go off to a different island far far away from everyone for our own personal time.  

I have a lot of flexibility with my life, so these things are fun for me.  I definitely can’t say I would go for every friend and I have to want to visit the actual location, but I love destination weddings.


Post # 73
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

View original reply
nattywed :  I have been to Europe many many times and 500 flight is being generous, sometimes u can get lucky with a good price but 800-1000 and change is more realistic. Also a whole week in a villa in Italy are a lot of days of missing work for a vacation they didn’t choose and not only a weekend or one day of work. 

I would only go for a sibling and not give a wedding gift since it’s already thousands of dollars (flights, hotels, food and transport, dog care and missed work) 

Post # 74
463 posts
Helper bee

 Another thing to note is that a lot of people from NYC do not/cannot drive – I can count on my fingers how many native New Yorkers I know who drive, myself included. Don’t strand them at your villa for a week.

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