(Closed) Does this seem, um, “sleezy” to anyone else?

posted 10 years ago in Military
Post # 46
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

 

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@lezlers: from one of the op’s posts….

Well, she has been able to work, she’s had at least 2 jobs–which is even more lame.  (not great jobs, but still….)  And, yeah, I really don’t know how successful they’ll be.  As far as I know, this is a process in the works…a different friend is also doing this (??  nice people) and set this person up with a military guy…they’ve talked on the phone and facebook, I guess?

So really she isn’t military and honestly I am sure I am not the first that the OP has heard from to report them. Those benefits are there to help out families, not for some chick to get a green card and for him to up his benefits. 

 

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@Miss Tattoo: If she wants to get paid to be “married” to someone so he can get his green card, cool looks like your friend got lucky for helping someone out. The part that bothers me here is that they are using the Military.

Post # 47
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Ah, that was an assumption I made given the “double benefits” statement.  My apologies.  It doesn’t change my opinion, however.  He’s in the military.  He can marry whomever he wants for whatever reason he wants.  If the military wants to give him more money for being married, that’s their problem.  Like @Miss Tattoo said, maybe they should change their benefits so you only get them when you have kids or something.  To say he can’t marry someone for reasons other than love when someone else non-military can is a total double standard. 

Post # 48
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@lezlers: right it is their problem. And it will be this guy’s problem and his new wife’s too when the military finds out. So I get where you are coming from about it being a double standard, but it’s not considered fraud just because. I think it would be a good idea for them to change and it and probably save them a giant headache from having to follow up and investigate people being “ratted” out.

Post # 49
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@missfireslayer:  I agree with you about the government changing their policy for sure.  

Post # 50
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@lezlers: I am so proud of us having a civilized discussion here! Even though we still disagree on some things! 🙂

Post # 51
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Interesting thread.  When I was first reading this, the part I got really pissed about was the double benefits thing, but it turns out that may not be the case.  

I personally have issues with the US immigration policies in general (yes, I am an US citizen), so I don’t really have an issue with the whole “green card marriages.”  And since it sounds like the OP is a twice-removed friend from the situation, I DON’T think she should be reporting anyone to the feds.  Yes, pass the info on to someone closer to the situation, but really, none of us know the entire situation.  

I guess I relate it to the saying “(s)he who has not sinned should cast the first stone” (and nope, I am not a regular church-goer either).  None of us are perfect, we have all done stupid things in our past- thank god no one called the feds on us!   

Post # 52
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Rock Hugger: I guess I am in the camp that if you see someone doing or conspiring to do something unlawful you should report it. I just think this is a pretty serious issue and maybe these people don’t yet realize the consequences of what their actions may be.

Post # 53
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@missfireslayer: I agree with you. If you dont want to go to prison, dont do something that can get you sent there.

I have no problem with the marriage thing, thats not my business. I just have an issue with the defrauding military benefits part.

Post # 54
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I forgot to add why is pisses me off.

People assume military wives are mercenary sluts that are marrying their men for their perceived money. It is assumed that we are going to cheat on them, steal their pension, are only marrying them for free healthcare and money, etc. So, women like this are part of what gives us a bad name. Its obnoxious.

Post # 55
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I’d report them.

It’s not my fault that they are committing fraud.  I would be seriously pissed off if I knew someone doing this.  There are many people that meet overseas who are desperately attempting to relocate here to be together and then this stuff happens.  It’s wrong, extremely unethical.  Also, don’t get me started on people exploiting military benefits.

Post # 56
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@beekiss2: & 
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@zippylef: obviously, I agree with both of your posts.

Post # 57
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It’s FRAUD. There’s no way around it. That’s a really shitty thing to do.

He won’t get “double” benefits, though. It’s a couple hundred buck/month stipend for being married. If he’s deployed it’s more like $1,000/month, though.

And don’t they have to stay married for awhile for her to keep her green card?

I hope they get caught.

@zippylef, ditto. Add “lazy” to that stigma, unfortunately.

Post # 58
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

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@missfireslayer: So essentially you’re saying only marriages of love are ‘real families?’ I think that’s very unfair. One of my best friends is Indian. Her parents had an arranged marriage. It was very much a contract between my friend’s father, and her mother’s parents. Does this mean they’re not a ‘real’ family? They were not in love when they got married, I’m pretty sure her mother sobbed on her wedding day. They have two beautiful daughters though and 30 years later, they are very happily married. She came here on her husbands visa. Should they have been reported? Do you see that not all families and marriages look like a Norman Rockwell?

Ultimately it comes down to this. The OP presumes to know the situation in which these two people are marrying. That they are strangers marrying for a green card and for money. The reality is no one but those two people know what their relationshio means to them. Perhaps they met online, like a great many bees and their SO/FI, but because they live in different countries, they can’t date normally. Perhaps they can’t afford to visit each other very often. Perhaps marriage is the only way they can afford to be together. The point is, who are we to judge?

If two consenting adults want to get married, they may get married. Reporting them and possibly sending them to prison when the OP not only does not have conclusive proof of fraud is reprehensible. If they live, married, for 20 years and are nothing more than friends? Well it’s just as valid as any other marriage. Certainly as much as a shotgun marriage that ends after six months or a drunken mistake in Vegas.

Post # 59
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

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@missfireslayer: Sorry, I have one more thing. I went to sleep too early last night and missed out on the end of the convo!

I have two friends who were in the military and got married to other active duty people. They both got pregnant….one in Iraq and one a month before her deployment. They’ve both had enough kids so that they stayed pregnant for long enough that they were able to leave the military without ever serving overseas. I would consider this fraud akin to marrying for a green card….but I’m not about to tell someone they can or can’t have their babies when they want. I’m interested to get your take on this. Personally I don’t think the military being taken advantage of is a huge issue but to each their own.

Post # 60
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@missfireslayer: I know right?  We’re awesome.  So wait, I have a question that may change things.  Does he have to actually apply for the larger stipend or is that automatic with marriage?  And are they going to be living together. 

The topic ‘Does this seem, um, “sleezy” to anyone else?’ is closed to new replies.

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