(Closed) Does this strike anyone else as a little odd?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t have much to add other than yes, that’s f’d up.

Post # 4
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry to hear about it, and yes, it does seem odd. Seems like she wanted a party for herself all along. Hugs to you…

Post # 4
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think I remember your other post, or at least someone had a similar post and people said that the mom should just throw herself a party, there you go.

I donno thst it’s that wierd.  Is it better to let the depost and stuff go to waste since obviously your mom wanted a party regardless of anything?

Post # 5
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Unless your mother is incredibly cheap and doesn’t want to loose her deposit for the venue, then yes, you are correct, she just really wanted to throw a party.

If I cancelled my wedding, my mother would be devastated (and yes, she really really wants to show off) but would be more upset that I’m not getting married.  I think your mom’s heart is in the wrong place.

Also, my good friend called off her engagement (and broke up with her FI) and on the day that was supposed to be her wedding, she planned a huge bar outing.  For months before she talked about how she was so happy she was free, etc., but on the actual day, she was very emotional, even though they had been broken up for almost a year.  Please think about what you’ll be like on that day.  I dont’ think you should go to this party.

Post # 6
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Was there a large deposit that was paid by her that would have been forfeited with your cancellation?  That’s about the only reason that I could think of for holding on to that venue.

Otherwise? Completely insensitive. I don’t know how she came to the conclusion that people would be in a mood to party on that date, or that it would be an appropraite thing to do to you and your Fiance.

Post # 7
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Congratulations to you for recognizing that the most important thing about the wedding day is the person you’re marrying. Very courageous to stick up for yourself like this.

Deposit or no deposit, she shouldn’t be having a party on that day. It’s clear she did just want a party for herself that day and now she’s free of that “pesky wedding” to go ahead and have it. I had a similar issue with almost calling off our wedding due to money and family’s “suggestions” that made our day into a complete circus. (They meant well) I never wanted to postpone the wedding so we are having it but with a small family party after instead.

Could you keep you wedding date but just elope then plan a party for yourselves in celebration? Your father could still walk you down the isle, just invite your mother the morning of. That’s what my SIL did because she and her mother have a strained relationship but she still wanted her at the wedding.

Good luck to you guys!

Post # 9
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Dude, it’s more than a little weird. It is LITERALLY your mother turning your wedding day into a party for herself. (Sounds like narcissism to me, but I’m not in clinical psych, just experimental. I know the nar-word gets tossed around a lot these days, but there are legitimate cases of it, and your mom may have that or another personality disorder.)

Just goes to show that you were 100% right to do what you did. Good for you for standing up for yourself! There are techniques you can use to avoid conflict with her in the future–you can check out support groups online to learn more about them–but seriously, that party thing is messed-up.

Post # 10
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hopefully this will get the party bug out of her system and will allow her to back off then you finally get the chance to have your wedding or post-wedding party.

Post # 11
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Cicera:

This is aweful. You were right – she was wrong!

Post # 12
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I guess I’ll be the odd man out again, since the way I see it is, yes, it may be odd, but I don’t think she’s intentionally doing it to hurt you. The venue was booked and a substantial deposit made (and I’m assuming is non-refundable) so she decided to make some use of it anyway. Your wedding was cancelled so the date shouldn’t be all that significant considering the circumstances. Maybe some of her friends told her to bump up her anniversary date and use it anyway? Who knows, but I think everything she says and does bothers you so you might be reading more into this than there actually is.

My daughter’s wedding was cancelled twice and both venues had non-refundable deposits ($1000. each). One we’re still ‘working on’ using up ( a B&B/restaurant) and the other (beach hotel) we were able to have them hold for a year and we gave it to them to use for a honeymoon once they actually got married some place else. Maybe this is the same thing? They wouldn’t give any money back but they could use it to host whatever they wanted…and chose a party. I couldn’t afford to just give that amount away, so have done things in lieu of a wedding reception. Is this a possibility?

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Cicera: Ugh, yeah, it sounds a bit screwed up.  Especially if you were going to/are going to pay them back.

Lots of hugs!!!!  and I definitely would NOT be going to that party.  And your poor dad!!! Stuck in the middle of it, too! 

Post # 14
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kristophine: I agree, sounds like narcissistic Personality disorder. My mother has it. I really feel for the OP. As long as the mother is involved with anything, it will be a no-win situation. 🙁

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