(Closed) Does Unconventional make it less special

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think it’s silly or any less romantic than any other engaged situation. Plenty of people design their own rings and plenty of people start planning prior to getting ‘officially’ engaged. To me, you’re engaged once you both agree to marry and make a plan, ring or not.

Post # 3
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

An unconventional engagement and planning the wedding does not make it less special. I would not let them get to you. Do what you two want, it isn’t about them, it is about the two of you! A lot of people I know have gone ring shopping and picked out the ring they wanted before getting engaged. There really is no right way to do it.

Post # 4
2504 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
Olgarie:  Those people are nuts. Some people don’t get a ring or proposal at all and they get married. Happens all the time.

Also MANY women pick out their own rings. It’s a lot of money, why not get something you’ll love? You’ll be wearing it forever!

And if you both (keyword: both) are actively planning a wedding you are technically engaged. But I totally get wanting to wait for the proposal and ring to announce it officially. Nothing wrong with that!

Post # 5
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

WTF. I picked my ring out after my Fiance asked me to. I picked out the exact ring, we were booking vedors far before I even had it. He did want to get down on one knee, it was still special, etc. My brother got down on one knee without a ring and they later (like 3 months later) went to pick out what she wanted. It does. not. matter.

Fiance and I planned for MONTHS without a ring. We came to the decision to get married through a lot of adult, rational discussions. We booked vendors, I bought a dress and did things for 7 months with NO RING. I am no less excited or giddy than any bride who was blindsided by a surprise proposal. Actually, I have been wild with happiness the whole time.

Our parents and close family knew we were planning a wedding, but we didn’t go screaming it from the mountaintops until we got the ring. 

I am getting married in a little over a month and I am SO excited! Don’t let the haters pee in your cornflakes.

Post # 6
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

absolutely not.  i didn’t think anyone was really surprised by proposals anymore.  i figured everyone discussed marriage ahead of time.  most couples even live together before.

DH and I talked about marriage for almost a year beforehand.  but he still wanted to do the official proposal.  i knew the exact date of my proposal but no the how.  and i still think i had the best propsal ever.  it was not less special because and i knew.

and while i didn’t pick out my ring, i gave DH ideas of what i liked and he had it designed.  i knew my stone because it was my grandmothers and my mom had me pick between 2.  when there was an issue with the design, DH wanted me to talk to the jeweler to clarify exactly what i wanted.  i did not.  i told DH, he had the pictures and the ring was his job. 

i actually got my ring about 3 weeks after the proposal.  there was a delay and DH didn’t want to wait anymore and asked if i was ok being proposed to without a ring.  i was absolutely fine with that. 

Post # 7
33 posts
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was surprised by my ringless proposal. We consider ourselves engaged. I already have my dress and book a few vendors. The ring is coming tomorrow! We are in a temporary LDR so we are doing the first look at the ring together on Skype tomorrow night. After that we will announce our engagement to everyone. (Only my mom and a close friend of his know) I don’t think our situation is any less special. I don’t need a big ordeal of a proposal. To us, the proposal is an intimate occasion. The wedding is the big showy one that you invite everyone to. I love that we picked out my ring. I love that we are already engaged. And I know that my situation is very unique and that makes it more special.

Post # 8
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

My entire march to the alter is untraditional. My ring, my proposal, my oh crap I need health insurance we got married early, my big wedding that people are ok with despite that. ITs all special and defines us as a couple. Don’t let society tell you how to make your relationship special finding meaning in things and actions that have meaning to you not what society tells you is right.

Post # 10
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My fiance and I picked out my ring (ended up being custom made) over a year ago, and every day when I put it on, I think about how much I love it, how beautiful and special it is, and how much I love everything it represents.

Actually, I think it’s so special on its own, I’ve opted not to add a second wedding band when we get married next month.

So, no, it doesn’t make your love story any less romantic – picking things out together is very romantic!  And plenty of people do it that way now.

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement – so exciting! 🙂

Post # 11
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Girl, if he is willing to sit and discuss all the details, and be a part of all the planning, that’s extremely special and rare!

My Fiance proposed with a place holder ring, and then I went to pick out exactly the ring I wanted. He felt that it’s a lot of money to spend and wanted to make sure I was happy with the ring, etc.

Your wedding and engagement is special because it involves the two of you and it will represent your relationship. That’s what is important. Don’t worry about or listen to any of the naysayers out there.

Post # 12
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
Olgarie:  I picked out my ring 3 hours before he proposed.  We were in NYC and we found a fantastic deal on a ring I loved.  We’d been looking together but the plan had been for him to decide from the ones we’d seen and surprise me.  Well that went out the window.  

He’d told me I had to wait for the proposal.  He had a plan (we’d already booked our wedding – so he was going to take me skiing 1 year out from our date and propose at the top of the ski hill at our venue/resort.)  But all that changed too.  I thought I had the ring in my purse, but I’d high tailed it to the washroom when I finally cleared security at the airport and left everything with him.  (I was pulled in for secondary.)  So he used that time to take the ring out of my purse.   I’d been bugging to see the ring one more time.  And he finally said yes, so I tore into the packaging only to find the ring box was missing from the outer box.  Now I’m panicking, they forgot to put the ring in, they’re never going to believe us that we didn’t get it, we’re already past security, we can’t get back into the city to get the ring without missing our flight…. When I looked up he had the ring box and the ring (thank goodness!) and he was down on one knee.  It was literally hours after we’d bought it.  We bought the ring around 430 – 530, he proposed around 8 or 9.  He said he couldn’t wait any longer.  I was still very surprised. 

Don’t sweat it.  

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by sostobe.
Post # 13
2342 posts
Buzzing bee

I think being unconventional makes it MORE special! You guys aren’t just doing something because “it’s what people do”, you’re doing it because you want to! My guy and I sound a lot like you guys, together almost 6 years, do everything together, etc. Sometimes I get the whole “why aren’t you married yet? or, when will you get married???” I’m like, um, because I wanted to wait to get married, and we have a plan on when we will get married because we discussed it TOGETHER. More power to you, you might not be technically engaged in the eyes of others, but you’re already functioning better as a team than lots of married couples ever do. Enjoy!!

Post # 14
5934 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Olgarie:  Yes!! Way less special! What were you guys thinking?!!  Just kidding. As someone who got a very unromantic proposal and also picked out her own ring with little help from the DH, I can say our relationship and story is still very special to ME. Who cares about everyone else?? I think we too often compare ourselves to others and these days people tend to say exactly what they think instead of having a little decorum. Have fun!! (and PS- if you search the forums there are plenty of women who were not happy with the ring their Fiance picked out all on their own. Now there’s a sticky situation)

Post # 15
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
Olgarie:  unconventional is beautiful if it works for you. But then I’m biased. We’ve set a date, booked loads of stuff (inc venue, catering, band etc), written the guest list, I’ve made the STDs, and tonnes of decor.

And we’re not officially engaged. In fact as far as anyone outside of WB go it’s a massive secret. My ring will be here in.the next 4 weeks, and then he’ll propose…. I don’t know anything about the ring or the proposal – just that it’s coming


We’re working on the fact that this works for us. So if unconventional works for you – who cares what anyone else says!

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