(Closed) Does Unconventional make it less special

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Being unconventional could make it MORE special.  Honestly, it’s not very unconventional to have a hand in picking out your own ring.  Lots of people do it nowadays.  I do think it’s a little odd to have picked a date, venue, STD cards, and other wedding vendors when he hasn’t technically proposed.  That’s probably where other people are coming from.  Even though an engagement is obviously about a lot more than just the ring, modern American culture has made engagements largely about the ring.  So if you start talking about your upcoming wedding, people may ask to see your ring and then be confused when you explain why you don’t have one.  Honestly, it’s none of their business.  Some people never get an engagement ring and still get married.  It’s not a requirement.  I would stop telling people you’re not technically engaged.  If you’re planning a wedding and shelling out money for deposits and Save-The-Date Cards and such, then you are engaged.

Post # 17
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
Olgarie:  I pick out my ring without DH even there. I know DH, rings look all the same to him. After 15 mins he would have just picked something, anything and moved on. To him it’s not about the ring it’s about the marriage. (And he is sweet and thoughtful in so many other ways.)

I on the other hand have to try on every.ring.in.the.surrounding.cities! And I did. I went to 5-7 stores, spent many many hours trying on many many rings to find the one I wanted to where for the rest of my life. I was even there when he bought and paid for the ring. Yeah, not romantic at all.

But again, keep in mind, it’s not about the ring. It’s about the life you are building together. It’s about knowing each others strengths and weaknesses and working together to create situations where each person can suceed, not setting up situations where you or he will fail. 

BTW- I’m sure if you compare “surprise ring” marriage to “non-surprise ring” marriage you won’t find any difference between happiness or success/failure. (Unless of course you look at women who have really unrealistic expectations around romance that are just setting up their husbands for failure. Then I think you would find lots and lots of unhappiness and divorce.)


Post # 18
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015


View original reply
Olgarie:  Unfortunately this is our society- the good news is that pretty soon no one will ask you about this stuff and therefore NO MORE JUDGING!! its funny because when you get engaged EVERYONE wants to see the ring and EVERYONE wants to know the proposal. How many times do married people get asked those questions though. You will be so married one day that none of this stuff matters. You get to decide how special these things are to you. As with everything in life- talk to the people that made you feel good about this and dont focus so much on the ones with the judgey eyes

Post # 19
9 posts

Heck no!  If you have agreed to marry, you are engaged.  (Congratulations!) Having an open and honest discussion before making such a huge decision is a sign of maturity (and, in my opinion, a sign you are truly ready for marriage). 

My FI insisted I pick out my own ring, and I could not be happier.  FWIW, my sister was totally surprised by her ring, and it was the complete opposite of what she had envisioned… after several months and many tears, she finally had a talk with her Fiance and exchanged it for something more modest. 

That’s not to say there is anything wrong with surprise proposals, just that they are not for everyone.  Knowing what your ring will look like does not make you any less of a bride-to-be 🙂

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