(Closed) Does waiting longer for a proposal take away from the excitement?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I can see that. I was ready early on in the relationship, so if he proposed at 1-2 years, I would have been ready but not waiting for it. After that point, I started worrying about where the relationship was going since we had lived together and all for about a year and been together for two, and I didn’t want to be in a dead end relationship for a long time so timelines and discussions started happening and I started worrying whether we were on the same page. At about 3 years together he finally admitted to being ready and we started looking for rings. He has the ring and so we should be getting engaged some time in the next weeks, or just in time for our 4 year anniversary at the beginning of next year. While I am glad we had discussed marriage before getting engaged, I do feel like I’m not getting too much of the surprise element since I know what the ring will be and when he’ll do it. I’m trying to reclaim the surprise by not seeing the finished ring until he gives it to me and not trying to snoop or figure out when the actual proposal will be. I think it’s more a matter of surprise than excitement: I’m sure I’ll be excited, just not very surprised. 

Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Sooooooo it took him 10 years to propose!!! When I tell people this they freak out and say things like, it’s about time, you must have been so anxious, etc. In reality, I didn’t start wanting to be married until about the 8th year of our relationship. We talked about marriage all the time, and I knew the delay was because he was trying to get money for a ring! When he finally proposed, I was still super excited and ready to plan! The fact that I had been waiting for awhile didn’t really take away from it.

Post # 4
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jennifer1989 :  My Darling Husband was ready early on and proposed after a year. We got married just shy of 2 years. I wouldn’t have wanted to wait any longer, and he was really eager to marry me. I was the one slowing him down but we got engaged when it felt right for both of us.

It sounds like you need to have a talk with your SO about the future and get on the same page. At this stage of the relationship you need to have a timeline.

Post # 5
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Thank you for asking this question! I sometimes wonder myself.

For me personally, yeah it would start to get annoying for me. After 2 years I would start asking for a timeline (I’m approaching that mark myself!). Maybe don’t frame it as “When are we getting engaged” like I (regrettably) did – instead start with “When would we like to be married?” And then work backwards from there because otherwise it MAY make you come across as ring hungry when that is probably not the case for you. It sounds like you are more looking for some sort of structure and guidance on important life decisions like having kids, especially given your previous marriage experience.

Post # 6
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yes I think it probably is more exciting to be proposed to after you know inside he’s the one but before you expect it to happen (key being knowing he’s the one – being blind sided by an unexpected proposal by someone you’re not sure about would not be exciting), because then without it having been pre-discussed the very act of him popping the question would just blow you away and tell you that he feels just as strongly as you that you are meant to be forever. Anytime before you are Waiting, or while waiting if he doesn’t know that you are, and certainly before you’ve reached the end of your tether and have freaked out at him about it, I think would be more exciting in a certain way. That said, I went through all that, I was more than ready when he finally proposed, yet the timeline wasn’t long (it was just over a year when he proposed) and I was very excited about it, but knowing me probably not as excited as I would’ve been if he had done it ahead of it becoming an obsession and upsetting topic in my mind. It took away some of the rose tinted in love glow in the lead up to realise we weren’t on the same page in our timeline. 

It seems on the bee though that it’s almost frowned upon and looked upon as immature to wish for a proposal that is anything that hasn’t been carefully discussed together and planned and indeed very expected and more of a joint sit down decision and probably included picking out the ring together. 

Post # 7
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the waiting game too. Our 4 year anniversary is next week. I was pretty good at being patient and nonchalant but as soon as he took my ring shopping, I was a MESS. I have been super annoying and impatient about it, haha! He’s handling me well, but he keeps saying he wants it to be a surprise, while simultaneously asking me to pick out every detail of the ring because he’s afraid to get the wrong thing!

i think I will still be overwhelmed and cry tears of excitement and happiness when he finally does propose, because being asked that question should ALWAYS be super special!! But, yeah, I’m probably gonna yell “FINALLY!!” when he does it ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

 

i guess to answer your question, I’ve been waiting quite awhile and still have like a year to go (honestly…), and it sucks waiting. But it needs to happen when we’re BOTH ready, and I don’t think he’s quite there yet.  So it won’t be shocking if he asks, but I’ll still be surprised when it happens and it will still be special ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
9992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband proposed right before our 7 year anniversary. I was so excited, not shocked but I was surprised by the timing (I honestly had no idea he would do it when he did) and was just over-the-moon thrilled. I can’t imagine having been more excited if he had done it earlier, especially because that just wouldn’t have been right for us. 

I think it’s most important that it’s the right timing for the couple. For us, getting engaged only a couple of years into the relationship would have meant getting married at 20. There would have been a lot of stressing factors surrounding the engagement then that probably would have taken away from the excitement for us. Waiting 7 years gave us the time we wanted/needed to be completely happy and not at all stressed/worried about getting married. For others, waiting years and not knowing if it will ever happen could start to build resentment and take away from the excitement when the proposal does come. 

Post # 9
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You can always talk to him about what kind of wedding you are expecting, and ask him the same? It doesn’t have to mean anything! ๐Ÿ™‚ You can bring it up when talking about someone elses wedding (Friends, family members, celebrities wedding, or anyones). 

 

If he knows that you don’t want a big, expensive affair, he *might* propose sooner. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Hi there!

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years.ย  We speak about marriage all the time and our future and we recently just bought our first house together.ย 

We do get a lot of pressure from family and friends and I do sometimes worry that when it happens, instead of “congratulations” it will be “well finally, about time” but I would be thrilled whether he asked tomorrow, next year or another 5 years!

ย 

It doesnt help that almost all of our friends are either married or engaged and my best friend just got enagaged and she has been with her partner for a shorter period of time than I have, but it isnt a race, everything happens in it’s own time smile

ย 

Plus, I love the excitment of wondering when it’s going to happen!

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