(Closed) Does waiting make a proposal less special?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does waiting make a proposal less special?

    Yes, waiting makes a proposal seem less special.

    No, any proposal is equally special and it doesn't matter if you have to wait around for it.

  • Post # 47
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee

    @GirlWithTheGlassSlippers:  Wow, try to take it easy on her. I can understand some constructive criticism if you’re trying to be helpful, but that honestly didn’t read constructive at all. I know waiting can be hard and brings out different emotions in people.  However, I think that if everyone, including you, tried to be a bit more understanding, it would make it easier. #IJS

    Post # 48
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    @Piscean:  Hi, I really didn’t mean to come off as callous. And if I did, my apologies.

    I remembered her post from before, and I didn’t recall her stating anything regard to what she discussed with him. As a counselor, I like to reference to how the person previously felt to understand how they got where they are now. 

    When I hear marriage, I think of it as a “mutual commitment.” She didn’t mention that she had spoken to him before in her previous post. And I didn’t recall her mentioning anything about how he felt, and what he thought. There are a lot of people who get so caught up in their emotions, that they forget all about how the other person would feel. And sometimes, when this happens? We make bad decisions. I was only trying to get her to see my view point by analyzing what she had said as compared to now. 

    I’m not here to sit on a podium and judge anyone. But she did ask for advice. And did want to know how we felt about that, and did submit info about how she felt. Therefore, I feel as though I had the right to an opinion. Another user, 

    View original reply
    @AriaSage is basically saying the same thing that I am. If someone is upset behind waiting, they don’t wait. This isn’t to discourage a relationship. But to encourage patience.

    Waiting for an engagement should be something that’s looked at as admirable. Since you are spending time loving and getting to know this person. I think that for anyone feeling this way, a lot more of their energy could indeed be channeled toward motivating their partner to respond to their desire to be married. Otherwise, to give an ultimatum or to walk. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    3372 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Gorjuss:  +1.

     

    For me, waiting for a proposal would not be fulfilling. For me, it would not be as special. I don’t want to have to prod someone to want to marry me and tell them to ask me. I don’t want to bring it up all the time and make ultimatums (some bees do this, not all). If I have to give my BF an ultimatum to propose, then something is wrong in the relationship. I just think that is such an awful way to start a life together. Its very important to me that we be on the same page and want the same things. Sometimes its takes longer for a guy to get there, but I certainly would not want to force him into proposing to me. The waiting threads often make me really sad πŸ™

    Fiance and I started dating at 15 and he proposed 10 years later. I was never ‘waiting.’ It happened when it happened.

    Post # 52
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee

    @Marry Jane:  Hey, we’re date twins!  And situation twins, it seems.  My SO and I have also settled on 3/14/15 9:26 as our wedding date and time, because it is a number with some significance to us as well.  And like you, I am frustrated by the fact that he seems content to have a wedding date set, but isn’t at a place where he is able to move forward with a proposal at this time.  (This is doubly frustrating because he has also made it very clear that I am not to propose to him, which is something that I would be comfortable with and would like to have the option of doing, and also by the fact that he told me over a year ago that he was going to propose seven months ago…and then didn’t.)

    I have brought up the fact that I am feeling this way, twice, at the very beginning of this year.  The conversations happened about a week-and-a-half apart, and once I felt that he understands how I feel, and that I understand how he feels, as best as either of us are able to communicate it, I dropped the subject entirely.  I am now “going quietly insane,” as I think of it, and I am not pestering him, I am not nagging him, I am not pressuring him.  He knows how I feel.  I know how he feels.  I do not believe that consistently broaching the subject will be in any way beneficial to either our relationship or to the process that he is going through (and that I already went through – that is, the process of coming to realize that he is the person I want to spend my life with, and that I want to marry him, despite the fact that I have always been opposed to marriage).

     

     

    Post # 54
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    @Marry Jane:  Girl, the people who commented on the other post toward the end I suspected didn’t read the entire post! LOL However, I remembered it and I just wondered what he thought about everything you posted here. So since then, he still hasn’t said much, huh? Wow. That’s pretty shocking.

    Do you think there’s some kind of way you could maybe coax him into discussing it while you guys are with friends? I’ve heard that has happened many many times. Sometimes, when guys do that they just are a little shy about how to go about things. And maybe a engaged or married couple could help him weigh his perspectives.

    You never know. He might be nervous you won’t like the proposal. Or, nervous about asking your family for your hand. lol Any little thing will cause a guy to take a little bit longer than usual. Just try to dig in and ask him after approaching him slowly. But men, they aren’t as inquisitive as we are πŸ™‚ So im sure if you keep the questions to the minimum you should be fine. πŸ™‚

    Im looking forward to an engagement story from you soon!!!

    Post # 55
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    @Marry Jane:  Girl, the people who commented on the other post toward the end I suspected didn’t read the entire post! LOL However, I remembered it and I just wondered what he thought about everything you posted here. So since then, he still hasn’t said much, huh? Wow. That’s pretty shocking.

    Do you think there’s some kind of way you could maybe coax him into discussing it while you guys are with friends? I’ve heard that has happened many many times. Sometimes, when guys do that they just are a little shy about how to go about things. And maybe a engaged or married couple could help him weigh his perspectives.

    You never know. He might be nervous you won’t like the proposal. Or, nervous about asking your family for your hand. lol Any little thing will cause a guy to take a little bit longer than usual. Just try to dig in and ask him after approaching him slowly. But men, they aren’t as inquisitive as we are πŸ™‚ So im sure if you keep the questions to the minimum you should be fine. πŸ™‚

    Im looking forward to an engagement story from you soon!!!

    Post # 56
    Member
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    It really depends on the person and how long they’re waiting. I waited for about a year; the last 6 months were grueling for me. Everything else was in line – work, we were both finished with school, financially stable, ready in every other way – except that he just wouldn’t propose.

    It did make it less special for me. By the time it rolled around, I was more or less flippant and glad to just get the road on the show. I was a little bitter and resentful at first, but those feelings have faded. I’ll never look back on our engagement as the best thing that ever happened to me, nor will I gush about it (thankfully, no one put me into a position where I felt I had to lie about how hard I cried and how thrilled I was and blahblahblah).

     

    I was happy that we got engaged. But by that point, I was just so exasperated with waiting around.

    Post # 58
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @Fiberoptic:  Don’t worry about what people say when you finally get engaged. I had the exact same worry that our friends and family would all just blurt out, “About time!” because of all the times that I remember them joking about how long we were taking.

    Turns out they all said  “Congratulations, that’s great news!” And that’s what they meant, too. It’s easy to forget that other people are generally too concerned with their own stuff to waste time making ‘judgements’ about their friends who ‘still’ aren’t engaged. (With the exception of my religious mother, nobody else cares if you had to wait for it!)

    Another of my two cents: if you’ve been waiting years and years and he doesn’t know that it’s on your mind, it’s not nagging to tell your SO (once, very seriously, nicely but very clearly) that you’re ready and expecting him to propose as soon as he is ready because waiting is affecting your self-esteem and diminishing your excitement about getting engaged.

    Post # 59
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee

    @Marry Jane:  i’ve been waiting for 2+ years now, and i for one, would be just as happy if he proposed, today or in a year. he’s your SO and you love him, no matter what, thats all that i know.

    The topic ‘Does waiting make a proposal less special?’ is closed to new replies.

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