Post # 17
LOL! Yep, my first thought was “Amsterdam of all places?” Don’t know how I’d feel about that.
I encourage my guy to go places without me since I would never want to spend a weekend fishing or playing ice hockey. But Amsterdam? I’m assuming they’re not going there to ride bikes along the canal or sightsee.
Post # 18
I love when my husband goes on boys trips. He usually goes on two bigger ones a year, and then some weekend trips (they’re all golf related!) It’s nice to get a break!
As for Amsterdam, if he were to go there on a boys trip, since I completely trust him, I wouldn’t be upset, BUT I really want to go there too so I’d be upset that I wasn’t invited!
Post # 19
Yes, but he isn’t moonlighting the red light district of Amsterdam with them (that would skeeve me out, too!). His most recent trip is camping/rafing in Utah, which is AMAZING and i’m a tiny bit jealous, haha.
Post # 20
Why can’y you have special experiences with your friends on those weekends, or an awesome weekend to yourself? It’s important for couples to still be individuals and have experiences outside of one another!
Post # 21
Haha! I know I am annoyed about this whole thing, but the location doesnt phase me in the slightest! Maybe you guys have a different outlook being in the US, but we live in the UK so its a very short flight and sort of an obvious choice for a break. He has been there before on a stag do too. Maybe Im weird for worrying more about my DH staying safe than I do about him cheating or ogling prostitutes in Amsterdam, but I don’t have any issues trusting him. Knowing him, he probably will go sightseeing and cycling along the canal!! He is going with two friends, one is married with kids and one is recently single. I expect they will get pretty pissed and maybe smoke a joint or two.
ETA having read more responses Im actually really surprised at the number of people who would be genuinely worried that their husbands would get up to no good with hookers! Surely if a man is going to cheat, he will do it, whether he is in Amsterdam or not!
Post # 22
I don’t want to? I don’t want to go somewhere special that I would want to come back and have those memories with my Fiance. I don’t want to go and experience something and wish, “Man, I wish Fiance was here to see this, he would love it.” We are individuals and we do spend time apart and I wouldn’t have a problem with him going to Amsterdam with his buddies bc what he’s probably going to do on that vacation wouldn’t be what WE would do on that vacation. But, if he wanted to go “see the world” (which is what my ex wanted to do), I can’t imagine wanting to do that without wanting my Fiance with me. He’s my best friend and my partner in life. I want him there to enjoy it with me! I want the memories to be of us together experiencing that. I just think there’s a difference between going somewhere new to have fun and going somewhere new to make new experiences and memories. My Fiance and I both agree the only person we want with us for the latter is each other.
Post # 23
I don’t know. Your point of view comes off as “If I can’t be there, you better not be having fun or making any enjoyable memories”.
If he isn’t going to be doing what you two would be doing, why can’t you let him have his time with his friends, and go back together to do the stuff he didn’t do, that you would have wanted to do? It just doesn’t make any sense, and comes across as kind of controlling and paranoid.
Post # 24
@Loupyloo: I don’t see the big deal to be honest. Why do you need something to do just because he is gone? Enjoy a relaxing weekend alone if your girls aren’t around ad you guys can plan a girls trip at another time.
My DH usually asks to do anything and it annoys me and I encourage him not to. He doesn’t need my permission. If I have an issue with it I can tell him without him asking me.
Post # 25
You’re REALLY misunderstanding me. I would have NO problem with my Fiance going away for guy trips. And, since my Fiance and I agree that we would much rather have each other when we make certain types of memories, it works for us so it’s not controlling or paranoid in the least bit. I would be upset if my Fiance said, “I want to go to Amsterdam for a few days to see the sights with a bunch of my friends.” I would NOT be upset if my Fiance said, “I want to go to Amsterdam for a few days with a bunch of my friends to smoke pot and go out.” I don’t have to worry about this, though, bc my Fiance agrees with me and this works for us. He WANTS me there to create those memories where you see something special and beautiful together. I’m talking about sightseeing, not just going to a new place just bc it’s fun. If Fiance wanted to go to Vegas to gamble, watch some shows, drink and party – go for it. If he wanted to go to Japan to see the gardens or whatever without me, I would question why someone wants to create a memory like that without me in it.
Post # 26
He goes to Seattle with a couple of his friends to watch the Mariners and the Sounders play (usually when the Jays are in town, but sometimes not) at least once a year. They hang out, shop and he always brings something neat back for me. I have no interest in baseball or soccer (I can tolerate hockey) and would be bored to tears if I went, so I let him go off and have fun on his own. Any further afield than Seattle or Vancouver without me, though, he and I would be having words.
Post # 27
I agree with you OP, this would bother me a little bit. I think that it would have been nicer if he had kind of asked you if you were OK with him taking a trip to hang out with the boys, versus just telling you he’s doing it.
I am in the U.S. and since getting married, I have taken several trips out of state to hang out with relatives, trips that kept me away from home for up to a week. But I always ran it by DH as more of a question than a statement of a done deal. Not asking his permission per se — that would be ridiculous — but more in the spirit of telling him this is what I would like to do and then asking him what he thinks about that. Of course he always has agreed I should go if I want to. My first preference would have been that DH joined me on the trips, but unfortunately he couldn’t due to work.
My DH does not take trips with his guy friends, but if he wanted to, I would certainly agree to it, even if I weren’t crazy about the idea. The trip destination would have a lot to do with my feelings. Hunting and fishing at a cabin in the mountains would sound a lot different than them heading off to Amsterdam (or for example here in the U.S., Las Vegas), especially if some of the guys are married.
I know they can cheat whether they’re at home or on a trip, but I would find this a little odd and unsettling. Although a small part of me would be wondering “What mischief are you going to get into there?” the bigger question for me would be, “Why don’t you want to take me along?”
Post # 28
Maybe you should instead think about it like this – he’s not really asking you for permission, he’s asking you to inform you of his intentions to be respectful of you and the relationship, just in case there’s something somewhere that he doesn’t know about that would keep him from being able to do whatever he’s asking about. Sort of like – I inform my bosses when I take off by asking them like so, “I will be off on Friday, please let me know if that’s a problem.” Some people feel more comfortable asking, even if they would be pissed the answer is no or know/expect the answer to be yes. My Fiance sort of asks me too like, “hey it’s poker night on Thursday with the guys, is that ok with you?” and I could be like, “Oh crap no, we have this appointment that night that we can’t possibly miss or the world will end” OR “yup sure, have fun!”
Post # 29
I don’t think it’s a big deal, especially since it is so close. Sure, he could have told you about it better- and you can have a talk to him about that- “DH, it hurt my feelings when you just announced your boys weekend. I don’t mind you going on a boys weekend, but next time can we discuss it together?”
I am a big fan of ladies weekend and boys weekend- I think it’s healthy for a relationship. I actually planned Fiance a boys weekend for his last birthday- flew him out to a football game to watch his team with his buddies. I go on girls weekends about twice a year.
Post # 30
I don’t mind my husband going out with his guy friends, so long as I know where they’re going and how long he’s going to be gone. However, if he were to go on a guys’ trip to a foreign country (not sure where you live at), I’d sure as heck be tagging along. Not to keep an eye on him, per se, but because I want to go to a new place too!
However, I like to go out with the girls, or just hang out at home and watch cheesy sobfest movies with a bottle of wine, if he wants to go out with his friends.
Post # 31
Yep. My husband has a couple buddies and they usually “mancation” together a couple times a year. Usually a weekend road trip or two to see a concert or game is seattle or sometimes Vegas. We’re west coast of Canada so Vegas is a trip that can easily be done for $300 hotel and airfare if you catch a deal (I’m assuming Amsterdam is a similar setup for you – a nearbyish place with a little reputation for a good party). I don’t mind at all for that kind of thing.
If he wanted to take a trip that took more time and monetary resources it would be more of a discussion. Especially if he was off seeing like, bucket list type stuff without me it would probably be a no go.
The last minute thing would be an issue but if its not a ongoing thing I’d chalk it up to a opportunity that came up on the fly. I’ve done this before. As you get older and more busy onc in a while you’ll discover that your three best friends have no commitments for a close weekend and you gotta take advantage! I don’t necessarily see this as inconsiderate but rather I’d left the time available for other commitments and when none came up, jumped on it.