Post # 32
Since we’ve been together he’s gone on Atlantic City overnights but never a real vacation with the boys. I feel bad that he’s turned down every major trip he’s been invited to. I’d have no problem with him going.
Post # 33
Thankyou for all the replies, they have been really good to read. I think its really interesting to see all the different takes on the situation, and what specifically some people would take issue with compared to others.
As I have said, the location is a non issue for me. I would have had an identical reaction if he had told me he was going fishing for a weekend in the Lake District rather than a weekend in Amsterdam. The location choice was down to closeness and cheap available flights, they also apparently considered Copenhagen and Prague but they were more expensive. I trust him completely, he is actually a really shy reserved guy and I have no worries that he will get up to mischief!
Equally I would never expect to be invited or have any desire to tag along – I wouldnt mind seeing Amsterdam myself, but this is a boys weekend and I feel it would be weird of me to want to go…I would never ask and he would never invite me. If I told him I was desperate to go I think he would happily plan something fo us another time.
For me, my disappointment was purely the lack of warning, and the way it was just sort of thrust on me without any discussion – I feel it was inconsiderate, especially because he knows about my anxiety and how I worry when he is away. I am planning to discuss this with him, and ask him not to do that in future. He is pretty amenable so I am hoping he will apologise for the way it was handled.
Post # 34
@Loupyloo: My SO has gone away twice for boy’s weekends in the whole 6 years we’ve been together. One was a riverboat long weekend, the other was a buck’s weekend. I had no issues with him going. At the beginning of our relationship, I went away for a month overseas, then last year I went to visit my sister O/S without him for 10 days. I had been invited away for a few days next weekend, and he totally supported that I should go – the plans fell through though. We don’t have any issues with each of us going away (apart from missing each other!).
Your DH’s trip might have been a spontaneous one – things just worked out and he is able to go.
Post # 35
@Loupyloo: Two weeks’ time seems PLENTY of heads up in my opinion – especially for just a long weekend. I don’t have any back history on how his prevoius trips go, but going by just that, I do think you’re overracting.
My H goes on guys’ trips about once a year. He went to Alasksa and skied every day for 10 days straight with 2 other guys. That was last year.
This year he went to the Tetons and did lots of peak climbing with two other guys. This same year he drove 12 hours to Oregon to go ski with friends. They were waiting for the weather to clear so he literally went last minute. Not like the date was set and they were sticking to it.
He also went to a guys’ weekend in Las Vegas last year. It was like a bachelor party but the guy was already married.
It’s normally things that I like to do too but I am no way in shape enough to tag along even if I really wanted to. He needs uber fit guys to actually go with him.
Post # 36
@Loupyloo: My husband does. I actually had a big discussion with him about it a week ago…
I don’t mind the odd boys’ weekend, because I like having girls’ weekends. However, it seems that it’s fishing tournaments, ice fishing tournaments, hunting, golf tournaments, hockey tournaments, stags, carnivals, etc, etc… It adds up! Plus, I don’t like the idea that he off and leaves and I’m stuck at home watching the dog. I have friends too who I would love to see which is hard with the dog, and the fact that I want to spend time with him more than my friends. I figured if he wanted to be away so much with his buddies he should have married them instead of me. I want to spend quality time with him too, not just after work when we’re just getting ready for the next day.
That being said, I get that spontaneous things come up at the last minute that he may not get the chance to do all that often. I’m cool with that, just not planned events every single weekend that don’t include me.
Post # 37
I would be angry. DH recently did something similiar. We moved to NC for his job. I haven’t made a lot of “hang out” friends like DH did. So when he decided he was going for a men’s camping weekend i wasn’t too thrilled. I like to get out and do things but i don’t have anyone up here to do them with. So when he just abandons me to go have fun with the guys i get upset.
Post # 39
@Loupyloo: He does and I don’t say anything because he works so hard and never goes out. He goes once a year to Vegas and I feel like he deserves it based on how hard he works and the fact that he never goes out.
I can’t say I am thrilled about it or I love it. But, I think it’s good for our relationship to miss each other and it also allows me to go on a girls trip, if I so desire.
Post # 40
I think you are being a bit ridiculous. I only use that word because that’s what you asked.
I wouldn’t care as long as we could afford it and we didn’t have planes already. I think two weeks time is plenty. You can enjoy some time alone on call a friend or two to get together for dinner or something. I really would be happy for my DH if he was able to go away with his friends for a weekend. In the future I would plan a girls weekend away to a spa or something.
I do have the type of personality where I enjoy alone time and I like that my DH and I don’t need to spend all our free time together. We enjoy our social lives.
Post # 41
@Loupyloo: I think you should plan a girls’ weekend for a different weekend and have a great time. Maybe make a list of things you like that your DH doesn’t (certain kinds of movies, foods, museums, other activities?) and do those things while he’s gone on his boys’ weekend.
Post # 42
Also, I wanted to say I completely understand the anxiety about him being away, and the lack of notice. I would prefer more notice about my DH going away for a weekend without me, too, so that I could prepare myself emotionally (since I know I’ll be anxious) and so that I could make my own plans. I hope when you talk to him about more notice for future trips he’s understanding about it!
Post # 43
I think it’s perfectly fine if your DH wants to go on a long weekend trip with the boys. But the alarm bells for me went off because they’re going to AMSTERDAM. If the boys being boys do not go to the famous red light district to pick up girls, then I have no idea why they chose to go Amsterdam at all.
Post # 44
Not really. I do girls weekends with my friends though and I thoroughly look forward to and enjoy them. I would encourage Fiance to do things with his buddies. I love the friend time! It’s good for me and our relationship I think.
I would let it go and be happy for him. And like PP’s said, plan your own girls weekend!
Post # 45
My DH doesn’t go on boys weekends and it probably wouldn’t bother me if he wanted to go on one…as long as he gave me plenty of notice. Two weekends is not enough notice!
Post # 46
The short notice would bug me a bit, but the general situation wouldn’t.
Maybe some of this ‘oh my god AMSTERDAM!!’ thing is a bit of an Atlantic divide? I’ve been for a long weekend before, it’s a really nice city – plenty to do without going in to the red light district or doing drugs!