(Closed) Does your DH ever go on 'boys holidays'? How do you feel about it?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Truthfully I’d probably be more likely to go on a girls’ weekend away than he would be to go on a boys’ weekend!

I’d be fine with it, and don’t get why two weeks wouldn’t be enough notice, or time to ‘prepare’. Unless you already had plans together, or needed to sort out childcare arrangements, what’s there to prepare?

ETA: I’m talking specifically about weekends away. On reflection, I would want to know prior to the booking stage if it was going to be a longer getaway, say a week or more. However I would only have a problem if it used up so much of his vacation time that there was none left for us to use together.

Post # 48
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

If I had a SO I’d be pissed if he didn’t go off with his friends by himself, preferably at least once a month.  However, I’m also aware that my attitudes when it comes to needing space are very, very different than most people’s.  (I would honestly not be opposed getting married and then living in adjacent apartments, for example!)  I think that what matters most is that couples set clear expectations for amount of notice needed, etc. and respect those expectations. 


Post # 50
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a Bee who believes that a couple is still always made up of 2 individuals… and so therefore in order to have a “healthy” relationship they need to have a good set of healthy self-interests… including friends, activities etc.

Hey I LOVE spending as much time as I can with Mr TTR, but I recognize that being the best we can be as two seperate people, means we are a better couple when we are together (and gives us much to talk about as well)

So ya, I’d want my man to have things he does with “just the guys”… including a Guys Weekend Away – Weeklong Trip etc

Now that doesn’t mean it is a free-for-all… I’ve never had any reason to not trust Mr TTR because we have common beliefs about the boundaries in our relationship, so for example, altho some of his guy-friends might enjoy a visit to a Strip Club, I know that this isn’t something that Mr TTR enjoys (he finds them skanky) so I never have to worry about that sort of thing

His idea of a Guy’s Outing / Get Away / Trip might be…

A road-trip to another city for a Baseball or Football Game … or a Vacation for a Guy’s Only Golf Week

BOTH of these are the types of things he does regularly (a few times a year)

Likewise, I and my GFs might head off to a condo in the Mountains, a Cottage on a Lake, a visit to a nearby Winery Area… or a week in the sunshine

All kosher

And we have fun with our friends, but are very HAPPY & EAGER… Wink *wink”

To see each other when the get away is over… and often that means meeting the other at the Bus or Train Station, Airport… or front door with a big hug & kiss (maybe some flowers)

Going away with friends can be rejuevenating…

Coming home to your Honey with a familiar “bed” can do amazing things “spark wise” for a relationship.

Hope this helps,

PS… We are considerate of the other however… more often than not we give each other PLENTY OF WARNING… like Months in advance… sometimes weeks.  Never days.  Our getaways are a scheduled element of our life as individuals (and like other trips typically involve a lot a planning… especially so if there are say 4 or 6 friends going), so not something we just “spring on the other person” out of nowhere.


Post # 51
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

When I got out to have lunch or watch a movie with a female friend, I tell him!!! I tell him way in advance if I know it. I think it is a respect thing, and I would want the same respect. I would be especially pissed if he planned to go out of the country without giving me the details way in advance, or having a REAL discussion with me first. I think we maybe will go is not the same as we are going for sure on these dates. I wanted to trust and be trusted. It is not an insecurity thing about cheating, because that could happen anytime and anywhere. It is about him being the most important person in my life and vice versa. We need to know where the other person will be and when in case of an emergency as well. I would also like to plan something, and I would want to know in advance for that purpose as well. Did you ask him how he would feel if you did the same thing? If not, then when he gets back tell him you are leaving in a few days and see how he reacts. 

Post # 52
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

View original reply
@futuremrsk18:  I don’t really like the idea of guy weekends, depending on where they go, only bc I want to experience things with my Fiance and I would hope that he would want to share those special experiences with me.  

+1 to this. My DH and I are the centers of each other’s worlds, and while I’m sure some people will say that makes a relationship unhealthy, and we should not be looking at each other but rather gazing in the same direction, I say a big whatever to that. So I would not be at all okay with something like this. But I’m aware DH and I are not necessarily the norm.

Another dimension of this is, we have kids, and as he would not appreciate it if I skipped off for a weekend with girlfriends and left him to mind our two under-three kids by himself, he would not take off and leave me by myself with our bebes unnecessarily. With a baby and a toddler it’s really lovely to have a second set of hands around whenever it’s possible.

I have a not-so-secret goal (well, maybe not goal, but you know) that our relationship will be like Paul and Linda McCartney’s, who only ever spent 11 nights apart, and that because he got arrested and jailed or something. Super romantic, imo. (Not the jailing, the togetherness.) DH and I are like that; we do not like to be apart. So while we might do solo activities from time to time as we don’t have all the same interests or at least we did before parenthood ate our lives, we would not go on vacation without each other, and all of our most special experiences we want to have together. Although obviously it’s silly because it’s Vonnegut, the word duprass comes to mind.

In this case, I would not feel great about this either. I really think your DH should have given you more notice at the very least, so that you could plan your own fun thing to do with friends. But really I would have wanted him to, if not ask permission per se, seek your consent to the trip? Because arranging such an outing is one thing if that’s the way your relationship is and you’re good with that, but doing it at the last minute kind of strands you a little bit. I hope you can set up some fun stuff to do while he’s gone, even if it’s just a spa day and some shopping with a friend or something rather then your own trip.

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