Post # 1
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
Specifically when it comes to wedding things, I mean.
Because I feel like FH will tell me he “doesn’t like” something, then I’ll show him pictures, and he’ll go “oh I like that” and I’ll go “that’s what I was talking about a minute ago.” And he’ll protest, and be confused. And this has happened with dresses, hairstyles, decor, cake things, etc.
Even before the wedding, anything beauty-related, he’ll say “I hate when girls xyz” and then I’ll go “you mean like this [demonstration]” and he’s like “oh, no I liked that.” Sometimes happens with certain foods too.
Like… WHAT. And if the two incidents are far enough apart he forgets he ever said he didn’t like it in the first place.
So I feel like I can’t trust him when he tells me what he likes and doesn’t like! Not because he’s lying but because HE doesn’t even know!
Does anyone else have this?
Post # 3
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
@Bebealways: haha yep my fiance does that too. Men just aren’t as good at connecting things. They dont see how point a gets to point b or that a and b are sometimes the same thing!
Post # 4
Member
3379 posts
Sugar bee
@Bebealways: Ha ha ha, my FI is always like that, forget weddings. He does it with food too. And if he doesn’t even understand what I’m talking about he’ll give an opinion. I told him, how hard is it to say “I do not know what you’re talking about.” instead of saying “No” to something when you don’t even know what it is?
Post # 5
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
@jadlnc: He totally does that too sometimes! It only happens with things he doesn’t think are terribly important enough to research… Where he might have some slight idea of what something is… and then he’ll just *decide* for himself what it is, even though he doesn’t know. He’ll just guess, in his head, and then decide he’s right, and tell me his opinion on that guess he just made as if it were fact. I’m getting better at telling when that’s happening, I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it until I point it out.
Post # 6
Member
3379 posts
Sugar bee
@Bebealways: I am laughing so hard right now! He has a slight idea, decides in his head what it is and forms an opinion. Yup yup. Exactly. Then I think for the longest time thinking that he doesn’t like “X”. But one day I really want to eat/do “X”, so I go for it and say “Now, I know you said you don’t like “X”, but I really want to eat/do it”. After the fact he won’t understand why I thought he didn’t like “X”!!!!!!! BOYS! I decided to just stop asking him his opinion about most things, try it and decide if he really liked it or not on my own.
Post # 7
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
@Bebealways: So … I think the question is “does your FH actually know the NAMES of things” 😛 It sounds like he knows what he likes but not what it’s called, lol.
Post # 8
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
Mine too! He’s kind of okay with things he doesn’t like, and at least he embraces it.
This weekend’s example: he got his own suit custom-made, with a vest. So I have no idea what the whole thing looks like. We were watching an old episode of the Soup, and I said “does your suit look like THAT?” “No.” Weird – every dress suit I’ve seen looked like that one. “Well does it look like this one?” (a commercial had just come up, the vest comes up higher) “Nope.” We are officially out of ways it can look. I think he just doesn’t even know what he bought, lol. We’ll find out soon enough!
Post # 9
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
@Duncan: It’s a combination of that, and over-generalizing things that he’s mostly experienced done badly or clumsily. Like red lipstick – he knows what it is, knows what it looks like, constantly says he hates it, but then makes contrary comments about it in other situations, like to him, “red lipstick” actually means “scary looking red lipstick.” If it’s red lipstick that looks nice, he ignores it in the “red lipstick” category.
My dad has this same problem with many foods, he knows what beef stew is, but his mom was basically the worst cook ever, so “beef stew” is “disgusting beef stew” and every single time of probably hundreds over the last 30 years that my mom has made him a perfectly delicious beef stew… well that’s just an exception to the general rule that beef stew is gross.
It’s sort of like… making a rule about somthing (I don’t like it) and refusing to budge on it even after further evidence, I guess. It would be more accurate to say “I don’t like it when it’s done this way,” but generally the topics that this comes up about are things he finds not important enough to develop more specific opionions about. So I think it’s sort of a “time saver” for him.
Usually just something I laugh about, no big deal. But… when I’m trying to plan a showstopping wedding look, it gets a leeeettle frustrating. My new strategy has been instead of asking him if he likes xyz, go “what do you think about this” and show him a picture of that thing being done similarly to what I want to do.
The only time that failed horribly was when I was choosing a hair color, and he just could not, no matter how hard he tried, separate the hair from the girl’s faces in the photos, and would point out as “good hair color” the pictures where he clearly just thought the girl had a pretty face… because he would then point out as “bad hair color” ones where the girl didn’t have his preferred type of face, even though it was basically the exact same color. T_T (What I decided to take from that was that since he likes my face, I apparently shouldn’t worry quite so much about it… hahaha)
Post # 10
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee
My FI sort of knows what he likes. The bigger issue is that he lacks vision entirely! It is very hard for him to picture something in his head. He will always say “show me what you mean, I can’t picture it”. It’s hard for him to imagine hypotheticals (if this goes here and we add a little this and that and paint it this color…”). He just cannot add it up in his head.
Post # 11
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
@Bebealways: Ohhh – it’s like every decision about anything that my sister makes, regardless of any new evidence presented! I get it.
