(Closed) Does your FI give you money for big purchases? how do you feel about it?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Since you guys are planning to get married, I don’t see the problem with accepting the money since he has it and you really need it. As long as it’s not a regular thing, I don’t think it reflects negatively on your relationship

Post # 4
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

i wouldnt feel bad, if he offered hes knows its important for you.. you guys are supposed to be able to lean on each other in times of need- speically when you are married. I know when i was dating my Fiance i had a lot of bills ( single parent) and my car needed some work that totalled $600..  i HATED the thought of him paying for it- but i needed it ASAP and not in a 2 weeks when i wouldve been able to pay it.

I think its a lesson on how you can lean on each other- im sure he knows you arent with him for his $$

 

Post # 5
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I fully understand all couples are different, especially when it comes to money situations. My Fiance is paying for the whole wedding. He is a Resident Physician…I am a full-time student with a part time job (even if I made the same as him, we are getting married. What is his is mine and vice versa…) He pays for all big purchases. And a similar scenario happened to me and he offered to pay. If I don’t get my financial aid, I probably will go to him for the money. At the end of the day, just think of it as a blessing that you have someone to go to when something like this arises. If it would make you feel better, pay him back.

Post # 6
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you’re engaged and getting married, I dont see the problem unless you continue to keep finances separate after getting married.  As a married unit, it is in BOTH your best interest to just pay it if one of you has the money to do so. 

Post # 7
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Fiance pays more for stuff because he earns more… we put proportionate percentages of our salaries into a joint account each month, and use the money for our mortgage, bills, and house improvements. Anything left is our own. He pays a lot more into the account because he earns a lot more. That said, I do feel bad about it though, but he insists that it is fair as we both pay x% of our salary.

If he earns more than you, and can afford it… why not… although I understand your discomfort 100%!

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I think it’s okay. Think of it this way…once you’re married, your debt becomes his, and vice versa.

  I struggle with the money thing, too. Up until I got my tax return, Fiance had been putting the majority of the money into our wedding account. I was paying off grad school and I had some big car bills that just came through. He’s been better at saving than I have (not that I’m reckless with money…he’s just really good at budgeting, I think it comes from having a CPA as a father!). Now that my school has been paid off, I’ve been able to contribute more to our account. Plus, when we get married, he will be looking for a job and we’ll basically be living off of my salary.

  Also, I know it’s easy to feel guilty when you think about the money he’s contributed versus what you have, but there are also things that you can do to help that maybe he’s not so good at. For us, I’ve been the one who’s been contacting vendors, assembling DIY projects, all those good things. It will balance out :-).

Post # 10
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

???

You are getting married.

Your education has a direct impact on both of your future finances and security.

Your debt will be his debt to tackle to make said financial security happen.

I’d be worried if he didn’t offer to help you pay. This effects him as much as it effects you.

Post # 11
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m like that, My H2B earns more than me, and pays for some stuff that I can’t, whereas stubbornly I will try and go without as much as possible, I have always been independent, and this is the one thing that will cause minor rows, because I refuse the money, I am getting better at this, and we are pretty much going to be 50/50 on the wedding, apart from he is paying for the DJ as it’s a lot of money and I wanted something cheaper, anyway my point…. H2B always tells me that we are a unit, we are getting married, and he is not taking away my independence, he is just helping me because he loves me 

Post # 13
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

All of our money goes in one big pool, so I don’t have to ask him for money and he doesn’t have to ask me for money. That said, we always discuss big purchases before going through with them.

Post # 14
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I think the same thing when people offer me money. “Okay, so what do you want from me?” It’s awful. But, yeah, that’s what I learned from my family.

However, my Fiance has been remodeling a room in the house for me so it can be like my own private space – sort of like an office, but without the job, haha. It used to be an enclosed porch, so he had to pay for the entire thing to be gutted and basically reconstructed into an indoor room. It’s costing a fair bit of money so far, and I sometimes feel really guilty about it. I feel like I owe him something. But he’s very sweet and reassures me that he is just doing this to make me happy and he would never expect anything from me for it. I think if your Fiance is willing and happy to help you pay for your education, you’ve got no reason to feel bad about it. I mean, hey, you having a degree will help both of you in the long run by giving you better career prospects and thus the ability to bring more money into the home, so him lending you the cash really does benefit him, too, in the long run. Don’t feel bad! I think your Fiance is wonderful for helping you 🙂

Post # 15
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s in his best interest to help you pay for your education. If the situations were reversed, I’m sure you’d give him the money no questions asked.

I used to feel guilty about the difference in wedding contributions. I still feel guilty sometimes, but I’m learning to let it go a little. Clearly, you are not purposely making him pay more bills because you want to frivolously spend money and expecting him to pay for everything. He simply has more expendable income than you do right now (even if you have the same job). 

In the future, there may be times when you will be contributing more to “the pot”. That’s marriage, you’re both there for one another and contribute what you have- monetarily or otherwise.

Post # 16
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am the one that pays for big things. I have a higher income and less fixed monetary obligations.  I would be offended if my Fiance refused money that I had in the bank, just to pay interest (or worse) on a debt of his.  Especially considering that in less than 4 months his debt becomes my debt.  Fiscal responsibility and all that.

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