(Closed) Does your FI give you money for big purchases? how do you feel about it?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 18
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

take the money. be a good fiance. and be a good wife when you’re married. couples help each other out. if it did become debt (even though you said it wouldn’t) he’d end up paying it back with you anyways. and if you had to stop and go back later to finish out, he’d have to help pay then, plus all the time you would have lost. it’s hard sometimes to get use to having a helpful, loving partner in your life. be thankful ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 19
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with Crayfish – your education will benefit both of you in the long run.  It will increase the money coming into your home.  Also here’s a great opportunity to really trust and be vulnerable with the man your about to spend the rest of your life with. 

Money in marriage will NEVER be the same.  If you make the same you may not spend the same.  Its about being a team and taking care of your financial responsibilites together.  I understand your discomfort.  I am currently in school and working part-time, my (new)husband works full time.  But we plan for him to go back to school after me, so at that time I’ll be carrying the weight.  It’s good to learn to lean on each other!

Post # 20
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your a team and that means helping one another out when needed. I’m slowly getting used to my Fiance paying for things. He is the only provider right now. I try to find other ways that I can give back to him, i.e. doing the grocery shopping, making dinner or surprising him with little notes.

Post # 21
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

i understand completely where you’re coming from. but remember – there are people who like helping people out with money issues.

i paid for my SO whilst he went through university and i didn’t really think twice about it. why wouldn’t i help him? i put down the deposit on the flat, bought the furniture, replaced our fridge and washing machine, bailed him out on rent a couple of times. he wasn’t leeching off me – he spent every single penny he had carefully but sometimes it just wasn’t enough.

now he’s got a job and he spoils me. he felt awful taking money off me during those years. it took me time to adjust – even simple things like him paying for a taxi were difficult to process – but he loved it.

he said it made him feel like a man.

that was the thing that stopped making me feel uncomfortable. he likes being able to provide for me. it’s cute ๐Ÿ™‚

let him be a man ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldn’t feel guilty if I were you. Fiance and I always say “it all comes from the same place” when one of us mentions feeling bad about the other paying for something. I think a lot of people have a hard time geting used to combining finances.

Post # 23
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you’re combining finances upon marriage, I don’t see this as an issue. I’m sure you’d give him money if your situations were reversed.

Post # 24
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t feel guilty.  I’d be happy to have a supportive and loving fiance!  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 25
Member
9479 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Our money is not separate.  It would be up for discussion if we had the means to spend that sort of money though.

Post # 26
Hostess
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I personally never understood the idea between “his and her” money and In My Humble Opinion once you are planning a life together it becomes our money. While I do agree a little communication is necessary, especially with big purchases/payments I don’t see why it is an issue. You are asking for assistance in paying off a legitimate bill and I cannot see why that would be a problem.

Post # 27
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@Treejewel19:  Exactly what I want to say! I just think your Fiance is so sweet to help you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 28
Member
6114 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My former friends used to keep tabs on “giving” money.  She had to borrow $2500 for a root canal and her husband gave her the money.  They she was talking about how much she owes him, when he went out and bought a new mountain bike.  It was odd, and seemed kind of imbalanced, but to each their own.

With that said, when Fiance and I were just dating, me living in my house and him living in his house, I did need some cash for a car.  He was going to lend me money (we’re talking like $2000) and then I’d pay him back, but we were just dating.  i ended up using part of my student loan becasue I didn’t want to put that oddness between us.  However, if we were engaged we’d do it more like a joint decision. 

I hope you don’t remain feeling guilty though!  You’re bettering the team unit by increasing your education – Team Marriage!

Post # 29
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

We consider our money split down the middle (we considered it this way even before we were married, since we own a company together and so all the money we made really is our money). Big purchases are decisions we make together, but just because it’s something for me (like let’s say I need a new laptop) doesn’t mean “our” money can’t go towards that.

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