(Closed) Does your fiance nix your budget-friendly ideas?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

work out a budget of how much it would cost to go either route and show them both to him. Maybe seeing it in black and white will help. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mine is insisting on real flowers for the wedding party when I’d rather do no flowers (my wedding party will carry lanterns instead of flowers, so it will just be for the men and moms).

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

There are some things I felt unnecessary that my Fi insist on having. However he has done just as much research and just as much work for the wedding. I think finding a balance is important and if music and a good dj is important to him, shift some things in the budget, make him go on a search for a good dj and a good price, and you guys can make it work.

 

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Well I think in this case the best thing to do is come up with a reasonable budget for Djs and timeline for when he needs to have it booked and leave it up to him.If he doesn’t do it, then you have an ipod reception.

Post # 8
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@TwoCityBride:  I absolutely agree with this idea. My Fi was just the same. Had very set ideas. The moment I left him to organise it, he tried to deal with things at the last minute and the cost went up and we couldn’t do what he wanted anymore…

If he wants something, let him organise it!

Post # 9
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

mine wanted the real dj too. but i wasn’t too upset by that. But we aren’t spending 2 grand on it – more like 700ish. He is more so trying to tell me to save money by just saying oh don’t decorate at all. lol. Yea w/e hun. Mine kept pushing off finding and looking at venues because we were over a year away and it was so hard so we did end up doing it too late because a lot of stuff was already booked for our date (13 months before) . But last minute we found a gorgeous barn for cheap and we actually got to keep our date!

Post # 10
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We got our DJ for 5 hours for $550 plus tip and he did a great job.  I think it’s very possible he’s asking for a middle ground rather than nixing the idea completely.

But yes, mine wanted me to save money…but also not stress over the wedding.  For example, he pushed for me to go with the florist option for the tables rather than DIY potted plants, which would save $500+.  I pointed out he was being contradictory – on the one hand freaking out about how much it was costing and on the other hand telling me to spend more in areas I had budgeted less.  FWIW, we came in precisely at budget.  (I think he just had it in his head we were spending 10% over, even though I kept telling him we weren’t because we saved when fewer people could come than budgeted.)

Post # 11
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Fiance can’t understand how/why we can’t afford a live band. Um, because we don’t have thousands of dollars laying around for our wedding, dear. On the other hand, he also can’t grasp why we need to pay a photographer – “everyone has cameras!”. Oh, boys.

Post # 12
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Getting your Fiance involved – at least for the stuff he cares about, be it the DJ or whatever – is good practice for the kinds of negotiating, compromising, and joint decision-making skills you’ll need in order for the marriage to succeed. If you can get him to sit down with a spreadsheet and talk budget, maybe you can agree on an acceptable amount and find something that will work.

I originally suggested a lunch rather than a dinner reception for our midday wedding, which Fiance shot down because he thought that would be too cheap of us, and we also had to negotiate a bit about how we were going to handle the alcohol and the hosted bar, but we found something we’re both happy with, and I’m even happier that we were able to work together and figure out solutions.

Post # 13
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

He totally has. I considered the whole iPod route and he said that was cheap looking…. So DJ it is. I have created a budget sheet for him on excel when he gets crazy with the ideas so he understands how much everything is costing. Or I just say, we need xxxx more for that. Mine hasn’t been too heavy in the planning though so it hasnt been too often that I have had to say that.

Post # 14
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think this is one of the more common reasons that wedding planning ends up being stressful—- culturally, at least in the US, a lot of the planning (or maybe all of the planning) ends up in the hands of the brides, and the grooms may not always be up to speed on costs, tasks, and goals.  We ladies expect the gents to be automagically on the same page as we are, becasue by the time the wedding is mostly planned, it’s been all we’ve been doing for months, and we assume that if it’s consumed all our attention, then surely it’s consumed all his attention too.  And that’s just not how it is.

For the OP I would say first of all, it is his day too, and while somtimes we do have to drag words out of our grooms to find out what things are really important to them, we do have to work with them and respect their wishes. But there is also the reality of a budget; even those who are blessed with a generous budget need to evaluate where that money is going and decide which things are “worth the price.”

I would definitely start by setting out a spreadsheet, as detailed as possible, with estimated pricing.  Break out anything that you can— like a line item for bride’s bouquet, bridesmaid’s bouquets, and so forth rather than just “flowers” all lumped together.  Include a realistic estimate of the cost (which may mean calling vendors now instead of later).  Then sit down with your fiance, turn off the TV and put away the iphones, and work through it.  If he really wants a DJ then you may need to cut back on the flowers to pay for it.  Compare items to other items in similar price ranges— we can have the DJ if we go with beer and wine bar instead of full open bar, or we can have more expensive rings if we drop the photo booth.  Then decide together.

For many couples, this is the first really large purchase you’ve made together, and you need to learn how to spend big chunks of money by deciding together, compromising, and admitting when some things are out of your reach.

Post # 15
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@fishbone:  +1 to everything, from the “why this happens” to the “how to solve it.”  This detailed spreadsheet – and a focused no interruptions conversation – was how I got my Fiance to 1) realize I was on top of things and 2) give me input on what he wanted.

Post # 16
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 

@fishbone:  What you said about the men not being up to speed on costs – so so true! My fiance genuinely has no idea how much things cost – he thought you could get a wedding cake for 120 peoples for under a 100 dollars =S and i dont mean a simple sheet cake (which i guess might be possible), a fully decorated 3 tier iced cake

he also thought you could get a pro photographer (with experiece) for the entire day for well under 1000 dollars. and so on…

He initially wasnt involved in planning – but after getting sick of him looking at me like i was marie freaking antoinette every time i mentioned costs i had to get him more involved in reasearch. hes starting to get it now!

He wouldnt mind going on a strict budget on decor/flowers – but food drink and music are very important to him so he’d rather pay more for quality

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