Post # 61
Every family is different. When I grew up I lived at my mothers mothers house. My mother was only 17 and still young. So my gran would take me off her hands every weekend but I don’t want my baby (due in Dec) spending nights away from me. It never did me any harm and I have a very close bond with my Gran. More so than the rest of her grandchildren and growing up I used to wish she was my mother, but I don’t think this was anything to do with me staying at hers every weekend.
I would be pissed if my mother or Mother-In-Law assumed they’d be taking the baby often. We do not go out often SO goes to the pub once a week with his Dad. I might go with him once a month, but we won’t be doing that when Babies here.
Like you said there’s nothing wrong with preparing, but I do think she’s going OTT. My parents bought a travel cot for thier house but that’s for when we do family visits as we’re seperated by 300+ miles. They also ran it by us first.
I can’t put my finger on it, but I would be pissed. I’d sort of get the impression of “Ermmmm you do realize your not having a baby”, I also think recieving gifts on your shower was out of line (for her friends to do so, she can’t help that).
That’s how I would feel if it happened in my family, everyones family dynamics are different. Your right to keep your eye on it and let reality smack her in the bottom. Just keep your distance for now x
Post # 62
- Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club
I can’t give my personal experience since I don’t have kids yet, but I had to share…
One of FI’s cousins, let’s call her “Elsa” has a daughter “Ana” who just had a baby last week. Elsa went on facebook and added a “life event” that she (Elsa, the grandmother) HAD A CHILD. She put in the birthdate and name of the new grandbaby. She was upset when Ana clarified that the baby was hers, not her mother’s. I thought of this thread immediately.
Post # 63
wvlefty: OMG haha that is terrible!
Post # 64
My grandmother was the most extreme when it comes to things like this. When my mom had me you would have thought I was the first baby ever to be born since 1948(year dad was born), plus I was a girl and grandma always wanted a girl. She would get me to call her mother and would be really mean to my mom if she didn’t get her way. Of course I always knew who my mommy was and always wanted mommy more. My parents lived two minutes from her so she was always coming by to see me and would take me for the day whenever she wanted. Other than the stress of dealing with that sort of personality it ended up helping my parents, they had their hands full with my little sister who had special needs and they didn’t have to worry as much about taking care of me because Granny was there to step in and have me for the weekend, pick me up from school etc. Plus I have great memories of baking with my grandma and going places with her. I just wish she wasn’t so abusive to my mom.
Post # 65
AnonymousCupcake: I’m pregnant and have an 8 month old, my mom and Mother-In-Law live local. My Mother-In-Law got a crib, some toys etc for our baby. I was fine with it. It keeps me from having to lug that stuff over to their house. I got my mom a bunch of stuff of her own but she only went out and bought stuff like diapers, spoons and toys on her won. I come from a very close knit family as does Darling Husband. I used to love sleepovers at my grandparents and aunt’s house! We would play, watch disney movies and have picnic dinners on a blanket in the living room which felt like breaking all the rules since my parents did a sit down dinner every night. My Dear Daughter is 8months old and gets super excited when one of her grandmas come to get her. The occassional overnight is great for Dear Daughter so she is open to new experiences and is great for Darling Husband and I.
Post # 66
akazan: and that’s great (really!) if you’re okay with it, and I would imagine there was some discussion there. I just don’t like that she assumes we will be fine with all of that right off the bat… It almost feels like she is just testing to see what I’ll say when she announces her plans in front of other people, but has never actually said anything to me personally or privately (like, “how would you feel about../are you planning on…”). I’m wondering if maybe she just wants to show off in front of her friends, and maybe it’s all talk. Thankfully, Darling Husband is on the same page as I am, which does help ease my mind a LOT. I can definitely see “just for fun” sleepovers as something when Dear Daughter is older, but for now it’s like… Can I actually give birth first, and then maybe we can talk about it?! 🙂
Post # 67
Yorkshirerose1991: thank you! I did talk to Darling Husband and he actually feels the same way that I do about the whole thing, which is a big relief. I’ve mentioned this in previous replies, but I think it’s the way she makes her comments that rubs me the wrong way. It has never been a discussion, just an assumption, and (in the case of the shower) brought up in front of a bunch of her friends… Of course I’m not going to argue with her in that situation! It makes me feel like she is trying to assert herself in a passive aggressive way (“look at me, I’m just trying to be a nice grandma while also assuming that you’ll let me do what I want!”) if that makes sense?
Post # 68
AnonymousCupcake: Thats a good point too about the newborn vs older thing… obviously kids will spend the night with grandma sometimes but…unless theres some kind of emergency….why the hell would I be leaving my newborn overnight? Even a night out on a date doesnt mean its required a full overnight… if anything I would want them to come to my place. When the babies older I can see it. I also had a huge part of life being spent with grandparents and extended family…but those kinda sleepovers in my mind are when the child is more of a toddler not a baby.
My mom has started to accumulate some stuff but we live literally on opposite ends of the country so when we do go visit her it will be for like 2 weeks and yes having stuff there will make it easier so I dont have to take a play pen etc etc… on a plane lol.
seriously the request “I want them to call me mommy___” still gets me lol….I’d be tempted to say to her “like hell” the next time she brings it up
Post # 69
Um that is kind of creepy that your Mother-In-Law is acting this way.