Does your partner have say in your birth control?

posted 2 years ago in Wellness
  • poll: Does your partner have say in your birth control?
    My body, my choice. End of story. : (74 votes)
    37 %
    My partner has some say, but I make the final decision. : (91 votes)
    46 %
    We are a team and we make the decision together. : (35 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    8768 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    ImaStarr :  we have one child via IVF already and plan to have more. After years of infertility and then a rough start to breastfeeding I did not want to deal with adding more hormones to my body and I told husband we can use condoms or just risk it (we’re too tired to have much sex anyways, my period didn’t return for 9 months PP, and we could handle another baby). We risked it. Actually miraciously got pregnant by accident and then miscarried. My husband would like me to take something now but I still don’t want to and so I’m not. I’m not saying we can’t use birth control at all – condoms, abstinence, and NFP are all on the table. IUDs and hormonal methods are not because they go in my body and I have final say over my body. 

    ETA: my husband was supposed to have a surgery to increase our chances of being able to conceive naturally next time. He cancelled it because he it is his body and his choice (and who really wants to have major scrot-surgery?). Yes it affects me, but ultimately it is his body. I think it’s ultimately the same thing. I can have an opinion but in the end that is all it is. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    No, I do what I want. He’s shared and I’ve listened to his opinions, but in the end I still do what’s right for me. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee

    i’ll listen to dh’s opinion because thats what a respectful partnership looks like, and if he has valid points that sway me…sure. but his preference means very little to me if i have actual reasons for my choice. 

    i’ve yet to meet a man who dislikes condoms enough to forgo sex in protest. lol.

    Post # 34
    Member
    7627 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I don’t make decisions about birth control without informing him, but yeah, ultimately they’re my decisions. I told him I wanted to come off the pill about six months before we intended to begin TTC, and he wasn’t in love with the idea cause it meant the poor baby would have to wear condoms, but he never tried to change my mind or anything. He knew I was fed up with being on hormones and that he wouldn’t have a leg to stand on trying to convince me to stay on the pill longer just so he didn’t have to wear a condom.

    Post # 35
    Member
    6424 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Any type of birth control we talk about, and ultimately make the decision together.  Because even if it’s my body, it’s our baby if I get pregnant.  So we are always making the decision together.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2513 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I just went through something similar. I had the copper IUD and it made my periods unbearable. I didn’t really consult my Fiance, I just kind of told him – hey, I’m getting this removed because it’s causing me issues. I would like to give my body a break from BC since we’re going to TTC soon anyways, would you be okay with using condoms? And of course he said yes. So I guess #2 relates most to me, but ultimately, I was not keeping my IUD in either way.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2618 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is such an interesting topic. 

    I haven’t had this talk with my FH yet but I would like to come off BC at some point after we get married this summer. I’ve been on hormonal BC since I was 15 basically with only one year-long break in my early 20s, and am now 27. I was always too scared of accidental pregnancy to risk going off it. But I’d love to let my body do its natural thing and I also suspect that BC lowers my libido and gives me headaches. Once we’re married, we would probably like to wait a year or two to TTC ideally, but at the same time it wouldn’t be a disaster if we got pregnant earlier than that since we have savings and are fairly stable, so it feels like the first time in my life where I wouldn’t be upset if I got pregnant.  

    I know FH doesn’t like condoms, and since I’ve never really been off BC in my adult life I have no idea how charting/temping/NFP works and do not know what my natural cycles should be like at all. I imagine he’d prefer me to stay on BC until we’re actively TTC, but I would really like to give my body a break from the hormones. I honestly don’t mind condoms at all so that option would be fine with me, and since I’ve been the only one dealing with BC so far I think it’s fair that we trade off. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1541 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

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    ImaStarr :  I met a bunch a girls online when I was TTC after mirena (7 years ago) and we all (10 of us) had miscarriages conceiving right after mirena removal.  I’d wait a few months after removal to TTC just in case.  Mirena denies this but it can’t hurt to be careful.

    Post # 39
    Member
    7627 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    browneyedgirl24 :  This might be an unpopular opinion, but have you considered coming off the pill after your wedding and just using the withdrawal method in conjunction with charting? This is what my husband and I did after I came off the pill last summer after our wedding. With an important caveat: we knew we’d be TTC within the year anyway, so the idea of an oops was something we were okay with. Otherwise I don’t think we would have been comfortable going that route.

    I kind of left it up to dh – I was like you can wear condoms or you can pull out – whichever you’re more comfortable with, I don’t care, but I am done with the pill. He wore a condom through exactly half of one “session” lol, and then we used withdrawal. I started charting (temping and using OPKs) around this time too, and luckily my cycles were pretty regular with a very easy to pinpoint ovulation day. After my temp confirmed I’d ovulated, he’d stop pulling out. This method worked for us for the three or so months that we used it, and once we began TTC and he stopped pulling out in my fertile window, I got pregnant quickly. Statistics show that the withdrawal method is 96% effective when done correctly, and those odds were good enough for us but you gotta do what you and your husband are both comfortable with of course.

    Whatever you decide, I do highly recommend coming off the pill at least a few months before you intend to start TTC so you can give your cycle a chance to regulate. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee

    I HATE condoms. He HATES condoms. We started dealing with BC when I was 17 and having a baby was TERRIFYING so we didn’t want to rely on tracking. So I went on hormonal BC, now I have an IUD. We’ve kinda just always been on the same page, but I do think that if now I wanted to take out my IUD that would be a hard convesation and we probably wouldn’t agree on it. I think in the end I would probably go the “my body my decision” route if it came down to it, but I would hate to do that. Honestly the only option he has from his end is the condom and I hate those too so he isn’t in a great position 🙁 

    Post # 41
    Member
    9818 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    tiffanybruiser :  I also used the withdrawal method along with charting in between my 2 kids and it worked very well.  I did it for a little over a year with no accidents.  My only advice if I had to do it again (I have a mirena now) would that I would use withdrawal until I confirmed ovulation (for me, I didn’t necessarily use withdrawal on like CD7 lets say when I normally ovulated on CD 15 or CD 16).  We got a little sloppy towards the end about it (we wanted 2 and my first was getting close to 2 years old) and had sex on CD 9 and I O’d a day earlier than I ever had on CD 14 and that was that.  But I think it works very well if you have the knowledge and patience and strong will that you won’t get sloppy about it.  After my second we used withdrawal method (100% of the time) until my period came back around 1 year pp without any issues.  Then I got my mirena.  Withdrawal worked very well for me.  It’s pretty effective when you do it correctly and 100% of the time.

    To the OP- I would allow my husband to have some say and an opinion but at the end of the day I would make the final choice.  I was on BCP for 16 years until I got pregnant with my first but I definitely had headaches from it so I decided I was never going to go back on it.  I more or less chose my mirena because I didn’t want periods anymore.

    Post # 42
    Member
    3970 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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    ImaStarr :  My IUD drastically reduced my PMS mood changes (and all my PMS symptoms). It’s a small dose, but its targetted so your body doesnt need as much hormone to be as effective (thats what my GP told me). I have concerns about the side effects from my IUD and have discussed them with SO. He hasn’t given me any indication about his preference and says its my body and up to me as long as we’re covered one way or another. I actually wish he had more of an opinion but I would take the same stance if the roles were reversed.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2618 posts
    Sugar bee

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    tiffanybruiser :  Thank you, that’s really good to know and definitely something I will bring up with him! I’ve never really used withdrawal before since I’ve been too paranoid about getting pregnant to risk it in past relationships, but since we definitely want kids and it wouldn’t be the end of the world if we got pregnant a little earlier than intended, I think this would be a viable option for us. I like your approach of letting him choose the risk level he was okay with, too. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    632 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    He totally gets a say. It’s my decision in the end, but whatever I choose will affect him. If it’s something with a high chance of failure, that’s definitely not my problem alone. If it’s going to give me mood swings on top of my existing mood problems, that’s bad for the whole family. If there’s a chance of getting pregnant if it fails AND the baby’s life being in danger because of that… I’m not even going there, no need to discuss that option with D.H.

    Plus, I just like to bounce ideas off him when it comes to big decisions in general 🙂

    Post # 45
    Member
    2721 posts
    Sugar bee

     I would definitely discuss it with my husband and take his opinion into account, but ultimately it’s 100% my choice (except for the option of not using birth control at all)

    Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if his real concern had to do with having to wear/buy/remember condoms. And ya, we get how annoying birth control can be – we have to deal with hormone surges, fear of pregnancy, and side effects of birth control for our whole lives (not to mention pregnancy and childbirth!). He can deal with wearing condoms for a few extra months.  

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