Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’m new to this section of the bee but this is my first marriage and my fiance’s second. He was married when he was younger and it was just a mistake. They divorced 5 years before my fiance and I started dating but it’s definitely come up quite often in conversation by family members and it can get uncomfortable when the comparisons are drawn.
So when it got time to engagement ring shopping he asked me what I wanted and I told him opposite of whatever she had!
She had a princess cut on a platinum band so my ring went from platinum to white gold and I steered clear away from any square shaped diamonds. First, I love my ring! But sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have cared so much and not let it get it me. But on that same token I’d be pretty upset if they looked too similiar.
So just wondering:
Does your ring resemble his ex at all?
And for the encore brides, does your ring resemble your first e-ring?
Would it bother you if it did? Did anyone else feel this way?
Post # 3
My ring is nothing like my first engagement ring – it was less than .25 carats and yellow gold which I hate. My wedding band was a small diamond and sapphire wrap, also not my style.
Fiance has never been married but was engaged before. I have no idea what that ring was like, and don’t care. I received his grandmother’s beautiful big white gold solitaire which is better than anything else 🙂 My wedding band this time is emeralds and diamonds and I LOVE it!
Post # 4
This is completely not the same situation, but a bit similar I guess.
I had a previous longer-term relationship from which I had a diamond promise ring. It was a brilliant cut solitaire in yellow gold with a cathedral type setting.
My e-ring, which I chose, turned out to be the exact same ring in white gold with a bigger diamond I didn’t really realize they were the same until later on!
Post # 5
When I was married before, I gradually realized that I really did not like wearing an e-ring. It made me too nervous when I was traveling, or coming home from work after dark, or in a high crime area.
Also, when I married the first time, I wore mostly silver jewelry, so I got a white gold wedding band. However, as I got older, I started wearing more gold, and really preferred the look of yellow gold.
So second time around, I had no e-ring and a plain yellow gold band. But I didn’t get them because they were different from the first time, but just because my tastes had changed in the intervening 30+ years.
Post # 6
We went into ring shopping and I think we both wanted it to be different.. but we weren’t going to go out of our way to make it so. I liked a similar one, but the one we decided on was much more “us” as a couple anyway! But even if I’d liked a similar one, it would have been okay. It’s MY ring, so that’s all that matters.
That’s not to say it didn’t take a lot of work on my part to get to the point where it didn’t matter, though, LOL!
Post # 7
I have no idea what his ex wife’s ering looked like. He told me he let her pick out what she wanted and at that time he was making big bucks back when the economy was better so putting 2 and 2 together I’m assuming it was big and gaudy. He let me pick out my ring also. My tastes are nothing like hers so though they might be made from the same materials I’d guess they are nothing alike. I don’t really care.
My ex picked out my first ering that is yellow gold and has several tiny diamonds surrounding a diamond in the center. It is kind of unique. I’ve never seen another ering like it. My current ering looks nothing like my first ering and that was intentional on my part because I got to pick out the ering I have now.
Post # 8
I was engaged once to my on-again off-again all throughout college boyfriend…We didn’t go through with the wedding, fortunately, but while there were a million red flags (I was 22, someone could beat you over the head with red flags and you still don’t see them!), the ering he got me was the biggest red flag looking back.
We went ring shopping together, and at the time, the three stone ring was very popular. I, personally, didn’t like it for an ering. I wanted one solitaire princess cut diamond. As we ring-shopped I stressed multiple times that I did not want the three stone ring. That was the only style of ring I said I don’t want. I was pretty adamant, because they were everywhere at the time. He proposed at Christmas (another red flag: he had me unwrap it like a gift, but didn’t ask the question. I had to tell him something like, Well aren’t you going to ask me? And he didn’t seem to think that was necessary for some reason??? So I had to practically beg him for the formality of a proposal). What is in the ring box? A mother f’ing 3 stone ring! Don’t get me wrong, it was gorgeous! It was 3 princess cut diamonds. But it nagged me the whole time I wore it, only about 4 months, that it was the ONE thing I told him I DIDN’T want!
That traumatizing event was a major factor in looking for my ring with Fiance. He really really wanted to do it himself and everything be a total surprise, but I explained how I felt the first time when I didn’t love my ring, and I think that scared him a bit. So he decided he wanted me to get what I really wanted, and since my tastes have changed and I’ve gotten a bit older, I wanted a round brilliant diamond, and we found the perfect Tacori bloom setting for it. SO that’s what he got me. It’s pretty freaking fabulous! It’s above and beyond what I ever thought I would have on my finger, so it’s nothing like the first ring!
Ever wonder what they do with the ring when you turn it back over? I wonder sometimes if he saved it for the next one, or if he was able to sell it or something. That’s such a weird situation!
I voted no, that it mattered that it be different, but mainly because I didn’t like the style of my first ering at all.
Post # 9
I know this is an older thread, but I just found it…
Darling Husband has never been married before, and never asked his previous long-term girlfriend to marry him, so nothing to compare there.
I’ve been engaged three times and married twice before… (I know…it took a while to get it right. LOL!) My rings are nothing like any of the rings I had before. I never actually got my first e-ring, because we broke up before he got it out of lay-away. I don’t even remember what it looked like. My first husband bought me a small round solitaire cathedral setting in yellow gold… My second husband couldn’t afford much, so he bought an illusion diamond marquise bridal set that only had a chip for a diamond, also set in yellow gold.
The rings I have now are nothing like anything I had before. I don’t know how to explain it…There was no emotional reason for choosing something different. Those relationships are in the past, and I would never look at any ring I wore now and think of anyone by the man I’m in love with now. We chose the rings I have now, because they were exactly what I always dreamed of wearing…and I smile every time I look at them.
Post # 10
For the engagement ring for my first marriage, I had a diamond I inherited from my grandmother reset in a white gold solitaire setting. My wedding bad was a plain white gold band. By my second marriage (30+ years later), I had realized that a) I preferred yellow gold to white, and b) I really didn’t like the whole tradition of engagement rings. Conveniently, NotFroofy had inherited a plain yellow gold band from her grandmother, so that was what she gave me. Thus, the rings ended up being somewhat different (although both wedding rings were plain metal with no stones or engraving). However, the differences came from changes in my taste, not from a deliberate effort to make them different.
Post # 11
I was engaged once before and my ring now looks nothing like the one I had from my previous fiance. I picked out that one, and I picked out the one I have now. I conciously decided to go with something completely different. It’s funny because my current fiance actually pointed out one that looked similar to my old one and said he thought I would like it. Quickly steered him away from that one haha
Post # 12
Everything HAD to be different this time around.
my first engagement ring was a solitaire,,,, with the tiniest diamond…..(diamond chip) i loved it anyways, and i knew it was all he could afford when we got engaged many many years ago….
but this time i wanted something different….i have a cluster ring this time….but ya know it is in the style of a solitaire! (does that make sense?) my avatar is my ring. i am obviously drawn to this certain ring style, not the memory of my last ring/relationship.but it obviously suits me more than other rings…?
my wedding band first time around was very pretty, it was 4mm yellow gold and had a floral pattern engraved on it. it was also engraved inside with our wedding date….(this is something i WILL be doing with my new ring) when we went last week to choose my wedding ring, the jeweller brought out a tray of rings and passed a very similar one to me for me to try on…..but i refused. not because i didnt like it but because it was so similar to my first one. i just said i didnt care for it……i didnt let on to my FI or the jeweller WHY.
so the wedding band i have now is very different, a crossover style set with diamonds.
Post # 13
I never got a ring the first time. My sister gave me one of hers to wear temporarily and my husband was so selfish that the ring he promised “when he had some $$” never showed up.
Ugggh…I wish I could go back in time! I was so young!