(Closed) Does your SO battle depression or anxiety?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4663 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

mine has a history of depression too – in 2 yr cycles or so. he doesn’t like to take meds and needs to be reminded to go see a doc when things are sliding… it is tough.

Post # 5
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, but I do.  I know exactly what your Fiance is going through.  I told mine not too long ago that I think I need to start taking medications again as well.  Please PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Post # 6
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes.  My SO has axiety and it’s been a learning process for us to learn how to deal with it and even now we’re not perfect at it.  The biggest thing for me to learn is how my actions affect his axiety.  I have learned I need to tone down my type A personality some and he is learning that I need him to be supportive as well.  It’s hard some days but neither one of us are willing to give up on it. 

Post # 7
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

No. Unfortunately I am the one with the battle of depression and anxiety (with attacks happening more often).

My mother is bi-polar and is on more meds than I think is appropriate…and they aren’t helping at all. At this point I am thankful that I can control my emotions and issues with rational thinking and calming activities. Also, sports and my extreme focus on volleyball has always helped throughout my life when I am feeling down.

Once a balance is found it will work out and I applaud you for any patience you can offer whiel your SO finds that balance. It will take time and a lot of wrong to find the right solution.

Post # 8
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@missbumblebee:  You’re relationship sounds like my Darling Husband and I…although flipped. I’m the one with depression, anxiety and pessimism issues and my husband is just very even and generally happy and upbeat. We are working through all of this now, so while I don’t have a whole lot to add, I am looking forward to seeing what everyone has to say on this topic.

I have said in the last couple months that it may be time to hop back on a mild antidepressant and get serious about some therapy again. *Sigh* not fun stuff….

Post # 10
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@EmilyJean: FI doesn’t understand.  I am generally happy inside about particular instances and he DOES make me happy, but sometimes he’ll tell me that if I’m not happy with myself, then I can’t be happy.  It’s not true.  I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that I can’t control unless I’m a zombie on medicines.

Post # 11
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@EmilyJean: As the poster says, “Keep Calm and Carry On.” My Fiance knows that he is to be the rational and calm one in moments of anxiety and depression and that is just the type of person he is anyway so it all works out.

Post # 12
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@EmilyJean: I’ve suffered severe depression for 8 years. First I would like to say thank you for caring enough to ask how you can help him, that alone is a huge step. Also recognizing that it’s a medical disease, and nothing you or anyone else has any control over, is pretty big.

I too hate anti-depressants. I’ve been on I think 6 (?) different meds. None worked until my most recent try, and even that took several weeks to notice any difference. But the side effects kick in right away. “Numb” is exactly how I describe the feeling- I hate it as well, but I’m a major suicide risk without any meds, so I don’t have much choice.

For me, the best thing my Fiance can do is just be there when I need him. If I call him at 3am saying “I’m sad and want to talk,” he knows that means I really need him- usually when I need him the most my mind won’t let me actually ask for help. He can recognize when something’s wrong, and he’s figured out which signs to watch for. Even just a giant hug and “I love you, you’re beautiful” can be amazing on a bad day. He tries to tell me that things will work out and he’s there for me, and when he’s saying it I tell him it’s not okay, but I really do like hearing it from him. Once I spilled my ice cream as I was bringing home takeout and I started bawling, he just held me and said it’s fine, mistakes happen, and he helped me clean it up while telling me he loved me and that I wasn’t clumsy, things happen.

I’m sure that sounds ridiculous to someone who hasn’t dealt with this, but being clumsy is the one thing I hate about myself that will always get me down, so when I feel like I’ve failed the most, Fiance tells me he loves me anyway and it doesn’t matter. Obviously everything Fiance does for me, you’ll have to adjust for your Fiance, since spilling ice cream might not make him upset, lol. He might need encouragement in other areas, and he might communicate his need for your support in other ways.

Also, the one thing I can think of that is the absolute WORST thing I’ve heard, is that “It could be worse,” or “You’re not the only one that feels this way.” Thing is, when you’re depressed it IS worse, at least in your mind, and it feels like it can’t get any worse, and it’s lonely and hearing someone else talk about starving African children just makes me feel guilty for feeling something that I can’t control. So I’d recommend avoiding that. You could meet with a counselor once just to get some ideas, they usually know what things can help or hurt.

It sounds like you’re doing great for him already, and I know you’re not psychic. But keep in mind that a perfect day can turn into the worst day ever in a split second. A lot of times I feel worse than I even let on to Fiance because I hate being negative all the time and I don’t want him to have to see that. I have no idea how Fiance deals with me or how he stays so patient, so I really give you credit for it.

So now that I’ve written an entire book about the subject… feel free to PM me if anything isn’t clear or you have any specific questions 🙂

Post # 14
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

EmilyJean I’m glad you and SO are working on the issue you sound like a wonderful caring person! I just want to keep encouraging you.  I know what that’s like.  Most days are good days, some are bad days, but like you said the key is being supportive.  I’ve stood by my SO through some pretty big changes in his life.  I may get frustrated at times but communication and being supportive of each other is so important.  I love my SO so much and even if his axiety gets in the way sometimes I’m not willing to give up.  I’ve even considered maybe talking with his therapist not necessarily about him but to try and understand and help us cope better.  Still on the fence about this but for now we’re handling it.  Good luck and hug!

Post # 15
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m the one with anxiety issues in my relationship. It was hard for us when the anxiety became uncontrollable and it caused a really rough patch because he just couldn’t understand what I was going through. He tried, but it’s so hard for someone who’s never experienced it to deal with it. Seeing me go through it was hard for him, and feelings of guilt over not being a good enough partner because of the anxiety were hard for me. Thankfully we got through it and are much closer because of it.

The best thing he does for me is to be there for me when I need someone to talk to about it. He doesn’t judge me, so I feel like I can safely tell him how I’m feeling. He also encouraged me when I told him I thought group therapy might help, and it has made a world of difference. I was actually prescribed medication, but it made me feel very numb as well. I didn’t feel anxious, but I didn’t feel much of anything else either. I wanted to try therapy alone. He supported that decision, too. Another thing he does to help me (not sure this would help people with depression, but it does help for anxiety) is to gently push me to do things that I otherwise would have avoided, which would just perpetuate the cycle of anxiety. He’s very much my opposite– laid back, easygoing, very go-with-the-flow. He balances me out and reminds me to relax and have fun in life.

Has your Fiance ever tried group therapy (or even one-on-one therapy)? I was hesitant to try it at first, but I’m so glad I gave it a chance. It’s made such a huge difference in my level of happiness. 

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