- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
ok – so i have a question…is your SO too honest to a fault that it almost hurts your feelings sometimes?
I love my husband more than anything, I do – and I know he loves me too – we have a good marriage – but sometimes the man wouldn’t know how to complement me if he was paid to!
Now – he does every once in blue moon – but it’s a big thing with me that I hear him tell me nice things and complement me – but he thinks that him constantly giving me praise is childish, on my part – because “I’m an adult and shouldn’t need constant re-assurance”. but it’s who I am, and it’s what I’ve always liked.
Now, he KNOWS this as we’ve talked about it (and I’ve read the book “the 5 love languages”) and for ME, I’m the kind that likes “words of affirmation” and I know for him, he’s an “acts of service” guy.
We even went over that, briefly, with my godfather/minister who married us. And my godfather told him “sometimes you just have to say things to make her happy.”
And while he “gets” that that’s what I want – he DOESN’T get “why” because he’s not the type of person that needs “words of affirmation” and honestly thinks it’s like “praising a child” to praise ANYONE for doing something good. And I’ve told him “well, I’M not the kind of person to NEED someone to DO things for me, but you are so I do…I don’t ‘get it’ because that’s not ‘me’ but I do it for you…” and he thinks “well, no you should do those things because you’re an adult and married”. yet he doesn’t get that it’s a two way street.
Now – again, he does try every once in a while – especially when I REALLY clean the house top to bottom (which is what he wants, his “acts of service”) he wants me to be june cleaver sometimes…and I do what I can – because while it’s not in MY nature to be a clean-freak 100% of the time, I do what I can to keep a clean house because I know that’s what HE wants. and it’s not like he’s asking me to do anything un-reasonable, it’s just that I’m a cluter-er and I can leave things to clean for a few days before getting to them, if I had my choice… 😀 Not to say I don’t like things CLEAN – but yup, I can be a little lazy, lol.
But then there are times – especially meal times – when I’ll make something new and if he doesn’t like it – he’ll come right out and tell me, “sorry babe, that sucked” and it’s not in a MEAN way at all – more just a matter of fact. this is how it is. now – he DOES tell me when something is GOOD – but I wish he wouldn’t just come right out and say “that sucked” when something isn’t to his liking. he has NO filter, basically.
He refuses to “sugar coat” anything to spare my feelings. You know all the jokes of a husband eating “burnt food” and saying it’s good, just to make their wife happy – yeah, he would NEVER in a MILLION years do that.
It’s just annoying.
I also know that he DOES think I’m beautiful – but that’s something else I almost have to pull out of him are compliments on the way I look. It’s just NOT in his nature to ever compliment anyone on anything. And damnit, I want to hear, every once in a while – for no reason whatsoever “hey, baby, you’re pretty”…ya know? lol And again, it’s not like he tells me I’m ugly or anything – I KNOW he loves the way I look and he DOES think i’m pretty – but it’s more about me HEARING it come out of his mouth every once in a while.
ugh. i dunno – just having a bad week or something…wanted to talk this out with people who might actually listen because he sure as hell doesn’t seem to want to.