(Closed) does your SO ever compliment you, or is he/she “too honest to a fault?”

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I  think your talking about my FH there!

He has only told me I look pretty ONCE! But I can always tell when he thinks I look good because we’ll have sex. But I totally am on the same page I wish he would say something! He doesnt hes just not that type of guy.

Post # 3
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

geeze this posted 3 times!

Post # 4
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010
Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry you’re having a hard time ๐Ÿ™ I think its great that you investigated your differences with the 5 love languages test and such though! So much better than just being confused as to why you’re not connecting on this. I also think that it is harder for guys to go the extra mile with stuff they don’t understand. I’m kind of in a flipped situation where I am totally an “Acts of Service” girl and my Fiance is a “physical touch/words of affirmation” guy. We’ve talked about it and I feel like I do make an effort to compliment him more and to also be more touchy than I would generally be. I think it is suuuper easy for him to just forget and not really make an effort with me on the acts of service stuff. I think it just doesn’t stay in the forefront of his mind and he slips into his normal comfort zone of behavior, ya know? 

I think all this stuff is a process and its just going to take a while for you two to find a groove. You have your whole lives to get it right. Just keep reminding him that it is important to you and hopefully it will click at some point that he needs to be more verbal in his appreciation. 

Regarding the honesty though… I think that is something that you might just have to deal with. He probably isn’t going to get less honest, and he isn’t doing it to be mean. I think its really nice that you know when he says something is good it is REALLY good and he’s not just being nice! Accepting this part of him is a compromise you’re probably going to have to make. 

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

yea that just sounds hard. i can sympathize with his feelings on compliments because i do think it is just harder for some people. For example, i hate hate hate when someone fishes for a compliment. we both know what they want and i’m not going to do it. it just is super off-putting to me. When we first started dating i felt like fi fished a lot because i am not a person who generally gives a lot of compliments and he needs them… so he would try to pull it out of me and then it seemed desperate and disingenuous and it was a really bad cycle. i do think things are better now bc he knows not to fish and i know to make an effort to give unsolicited comments… but that comes back to girls being more adaptable than guys. you probably just need to stick with telling him and make sure he understands there is a middle ground. you would probably like an extremely complimentary husband and he doesn’t see the need for compliments at all. the compromise here is that he needs to make an effort to acknowledge what he is grateful for SOMETIMES. 

Post # 9
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@JuneBride_26June2010:  I can totally relate to you!  I like words of affirmation and my Darling Husband likes to show his love by doing nice things for me.  He is also the type that won’t say he’s proud of me because he says that is something you would say to a child, not an adult.  He does compliment me, though it is not always often.  He is too honest to a fault many times.  I do appreciate his honesty, though I wish he would say these things in a nicer way.

Post # 10
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

One time when I was trying to be sexy, I bought a new pair of lacy black boyshorts from VC and modeled them for my husband. I asked him, “do these underwear make my butt look big” (in my sexiest voice) and he answered “actually yes.. not a fan”.

I haven’t bought a single pair of new sexy underwear/ lingerie since and he hasn’t noticed. He can kiss my big butt.. granny panties it is! lol

 

I have the same problem with meals too occasionally, but the sexy underwear thing bothered me more..

Men are just blunt!

Post # 11
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

No real advice here.  However, my ex-husband tended to be honest to a fault, plus his honest views were usually negative.

The really ironic part was that he came to my second wedding, and actually complimented the chuppah (wedding canopy) I made.  After 20 years of pretty much never hearing anything complimentary from him, I practically fell over.

Post # 12
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You and your husband sound like me and mine. His love language is “acts of service” and mine is “words of affirmation,” (and “affectionate touch” or whtaever that’s called) and like yours, he doesn’t seem to understand my point of view on it–although I have noticed that he is complimentary to me on certain things, like my career goals and talents, which does mean something to me. He’s also learning to just freakin’ pretend he likes what I cook even if he doesn’t. Or to balance out the: “I prefer my bread warmed in the microwave, not toasted” with a: “This is good, thanks for thinking to make me an egg salad sandwich with cheese and pickles, since you remember I mentioned the other day that I like that.”

But like yours, mine can definitely be too “honest.” He always prided himself on being “brutally honest,” but I’d like him to understand that if something is “brutal,” it doesn’t belong in a marriage relationship. He blurts things out without thinking sometimes, and yes, it can be offensive. My wonderful guy is one of the most caring people I know, but not as sensitive as I’d like.

*sigh* No advice, but I definitely understand!

Post # 13
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

My mister and I are exactly that way too!  He doesn’t even like it if I compliment him.  His says it’s because he’s “British and we are not a culture of people who praise and codlle each other all the time like Americans.”  It makes it extra special when he does compliment me though Laughing

Post # 14
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My husband actually does compliment me a lot, but I still find him too brutally honest sometimes. He compliments my looks pretty frequently, but sometimes he will say things like, “Have you ever thought about braces? That tooth is crooked” or, “You have been wearing that dress for like 5 years. maybe it’s time to retire it?” and even though I say things like that to him all the time, I always get offended. There are certain things I’m sensitive about, and I can’t just brush it off. He has also been known to say, “you are the girl, aren’t you supposed to be the one who cleans up the house?” It’s not that he doesn’t clean the house, it’s just that I am kind of a big slob and I leave my stuff lying around everywhere!

Anyway, I don’t know what to tell you, but I relate. Relationships are so hard sometimes! I laughed when you said that he said that something you cooked sucked…it sounds funny but it is really annoying that he will never sugar coat anything for you. You don’t want it all the time, but a little bit would be nice!

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can see where this would be really annoying!  My husband (!) doesn’t always say the right words either.  It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate me or how I look/what I do, but it doesn’t always occur to him to tell me.  So, when I need to hear it, I just tell him.  As in “Bebe, I need you to tell me how awesome I look.”  Not saying it’s a solution for you, b/c I can also see where it would get annoying to “demand” compliments, but it works for us.  ๐Ÿ™‚  Also, I’ve noticed a distinct upward trend in compliments since I started this.  He tells me things on his own now MUCH more often than he used to.  I think he finally realized that while I know that I look awesome (or did something well, or whatever), I want to hear him say it.  And he sees how happy I get when he tells me these things.

Oh, but cleaning the house – THAT is our big issue.  Different strokes for different folks. 

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