(Closed) Does your SO ever turn you down?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
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1083 posts
Bumble bee

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daisybee90:  “you should have done this 30 minutes ago” as if he’s punishing you. Not cool”

 

…what? So declining sex is now considered punishment? He wasn’t rude, he expressed himself openly and offered a

solution for the future: he was tired and would have had more energy 30

minutes prior (solution: initiate earlier in the future).

i guess some people think “no” is a punishment….

Post # 17
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526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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BookTea:  I think the cruel part was when he snuggled up next to her and then declined her advances.  If I’m not in the mood for sex, I stay on my side of the bed and make a comment about needing to get to sleep.  I don’t snuggle up next to my partner and then tell him he should have asked for sex half an hour earlier.

Post # 18
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1083 posts
Bumble bee

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Annonnie89:  I think him cuddeling next to her is affectionate and sweet. I think it’s rather cold to stay on the other side of the bed, not recognizing the persons need for affection or touch. Yea, he didn’t have sex with her but he displayed warmth and affection. That’s the proper way of rejecting a significant other: not aloof-ly.

Post # 19
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526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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BookTea:  we can agree to disagree.  I personally don’t want to just cuddle if I’m horny.

Post # 20
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1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

 

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BookTea:  Oh. I’m sorry. In the world I live in, there are better ways to communicate than sighing dramatically and getting frustrated when someone initiates sex.  my bad.

Post # 21
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1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Annonnie89:  Cuddling and snuggling doesn’t mean you want to have sex. At least not that I am aware of. I love cuddling with my SO in bed before sleep and upon waking up. It is just another form of intimacy.

Now, if he was feeling her up and turning her on and then cut her off, then I agree with you.

Post # 22
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526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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sylwia212:  I guess I’m different.  When you agree to be in a monogomous relationship, your partner promises not to satisfy his sex needs elsewhere.  If I’m willing to cuddle and show physical affection, I would never turn my partner down for sex.  When you hold and touch someone who is attracted to you, there’s a good chance that he can and will get turned on.  How hard is it to satisfy your partner’s needs?  Sex doesn’t take that much time.  Cuddling but not being willing to have sex means that the person who wants to cuddle of being selfish.  His or her needs are being met (via cuddling), but he or she isn’t willong to satisfy his or her partner.  Not cool.

Post # 23
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1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Annonnie89:  Yea we are for sure different and it is okay! That is an interesting way to look at things, new persepective.

Personally I would find it tiring if I would have to have sex every time I just wanna cuddle with my SO. I like to just be held sometimes while we are falling asleep or watch TV. But I guess we are one of those affectionate couple that are always touchy feely around each other (not in public though).

Now, out of pure curiosity and without starting any heated discussion, how do you feel about a situation where your SO is stressed out or just misses you and just want to cuddle? Would you turn them down because you don’t want to have sex at that moment or would you offer them comfort of your arms?

Post # 24
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1083 posts
Bumble bee

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Annonnie89:  cuddeling doesn’t always lead to sex. Cuddling can and is,  a PG way of showing affection. My husband, and myself, never assume there will be sex following a cuddle. And it’s bizzare that you think so….that’s like assuming a make-out session leads to sex. or oral sex leads to sex. Yes, sometimes these things do lead to sex, but they are not mutually exclusive. People cuddle for the sake of cuddeling. People kiss for the sake of kissing. Sex is not always the end role or the sole purpose. It’s a form of intimacy. If you can’t cuddle without sex it is you who are selfish; it shows that you only care for your sexual satisfaction vs. The emotional intimacy the person craves from a cuddle. Sometimes a person just wans to be held.

Post # 25
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee

Whether my DH or I have sex, we almost always fall asleep with him cuddling me. It is not sexual, just another form of showing love. DH says it is the best part of the day, getting to fall asleep with me in his arms. If it leads to something else, fine! More times than not though, it is just like a big long hug. It makes me feel safe and know that I am truly loved by him. You don’t need sex to show love.

Post # 26
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526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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sylwia212:  I would definitely just hug my partner.  I love to cuddle!  But what I’m saying is that if I’m not in the mood, but my partner is, I’m willing to have sex anyway.  It takes two seconds for me to get into it.  I think withholding sex in a relationship is cruel.  The OP doesn’t sound like a sex fiend.  She wanted to have midweek sex and her husband of just three months said no.  If I were him, i wouldn’t have.  I would have taken the fifteen minutes to please my partner.  It’s upsetting to see that so many people aren’t willing to please their partners because they aren’t in the mood.  

Post # 27
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1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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bankerswife:  I respect that the approach you have with your DH works for you. Maybe it’s just me but if the tables were turned and I was too tired to be intimate, the “what can we do to make this better” would make me feel really pressured, if we were being intimate often. (If we weren’t having sex often and I was acting distant, in that case I would know there is a problem to make better)

Post # 28
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1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Annonnie89:

Damn girl, I wish I had your powers haha. For some reason it takes me a little longer to get in a mood, and it is game over when I am exhausted unless he is williing to experiment with Necrophilia haha, just kidding. Although I know what you are saying and I agree with you, witholding sex is not healthy to a point and if I can, I will satisfy my SO as well. Thankfully he doesn’t expect me to spread my legs open everytime he wants some. He knows he will get turned down sometimes, and so will I. He also doesn’t like it when I just give it up without being in the mood. He said it feels like he is raping me.

But hey, that is what is interesting about forums like that and life in general. So many different views and opinion. I personally like to hear all of them!

Post # 29
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

Totally normal! I COMPLETELY agree that work stress and being tired are huge factors for guys. IME things will ebb and flow, some periods of time with lots of action and others with much less. Trust and communication are essential. And remember that drive does not at all equal attraction! At least for me feeling wanted/attractive is ultimately way more important than the act itself.

And personally, even though I have the higher drive, I’m into both partners having the option to say no. I might whine, but I really don’t think it’s selfish. We’ve tried before for each other’s sake and had to stop in the middle – ugh! I’d much rather just let the excitement build and catch up later when we can both enjoy it.

PS – “Helping yourself” is very useful in a pinch, I find! Sometimes even if he’s too tired he’ll notice what I’m doing and join in and to me that’s really sweet and hot.

Post # 30
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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sylwia212:  I’m newly single and don’t know when I’ll have sex again.  So I can’t imagine turning sex down now, but the truth is I never have in a relationship.  I guess I’m never too tired.  Anyway, I can relate to the OP.  My ex-fiance would hold me every night, but we’d have sex every two weeks.  It drove me nuts.  I’d be lying there in his arms, unable to fall asleep because I was so horny.  The just cuddling became a form of torture.  I’m less sexually frustrated now then I was with him, even though I haven’t had sex in almost three months.  

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