(Closed) Does Your SO Have Any Say In What Gender Gynecologist You See?

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
  • poll: What Gender Does Your SO Prefer You To See?



    SO does not care/never has said

    SO doesn't care but I prefer female

    SO doesn't care but I prefer male

    Neither of us care I just want the first appointment window available

  • Post # 18
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’ve been to male and I’ve been to female.  I don’t care and the day my DH starts to care is the day I explain to him in meticulous detail exactly what goes on in a gyno appointment.  After he scraps himself up off the floor I’ll still go to whomever I damn well please. 

    Post # 19
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    My Fiance has never once asked me anything about my gyno so I guess he doesn’t care.  I know I don’t care what gender his doctor is. 

    I don’t care what gender my doctor is as long as they’re qualified and I like them.  Also I prefer that they didn’t go to med school with my sister.  She’s not a gyno but like all of her med school friends were.  I would rather not run into my doctor at their next holiday party.

    Post # 20
    567 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    why in fuck’s name would my Fiance care – and why would I allow him to care – about the gender of my doctor? It’s my vagina, not his, and I’m capable of screening and choosing my own doctor. I think it’s fine if people have their own gender preferences when choosing their own doctors (I tend to communicate better w/ women) but that has absolutely nothing to do with my Fiance.

    The only way I can see Fiance even remotely approaching being able to have an opinion on this is if we’re picking an OB to deliver our baby and he doesn’t like the communication style of a doctor or questions the doctor’s competence or level of care. That would be fair.

    To me, a man insisting that I see a female doctor implies that he sees my body as his, and that another man touching it or looking at it somehow transfers some of that power or possession and makes him uncomfortable. Or he just doesn’t trust me or doctors, which is insulting. Or he only sees my body as a sexual object, which is disturbing. 

    Post # 21
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Um, my fiance has never once asked about the gender of who performs my pap smears.  And I would never ask the gender of a urologist if he had to go to one.  They are doctors performing medical services, not porn stars.  For crap’s sake.

    Post # 22
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I can’t really vote for several reasons…

    – You can’t really see specialists on the NHS unless there are extenuating circumstances. However, if you do see a specialist, you have zero say in what gender they are. Nor should you, or anyone else… their competancy matters more than their gender.

    – For smears and the like, and sexual health matters, we see a nurse. And nurses are invariably female. We would only see a doctor if we need a ‘scrip for something.

    – If women do see a male health professional, they are chaperoned by a female throughout. This is not primarily to protect the patient. This is to protect the male health professional from false accusations of sexual assault.

    … but, in the theoretical scenario where I could choose a doctor, I would consider it a red flag if my other half was jealous and difficult enough to prioritise his discomfort over my health. I would want the best doctor, regardless of gender!

    Post # 23
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t care and neither does SO. I have always seen a female (since I was more comfortable with that younger and stuck with the first one I ever saw). But, now that I’m pregnant, my OB office has a rotation model among 5 docs (3 female, 2 male) and you see them all. My first appointment was with a male and it was fine, I was completely comfortable. They did have a female nurse in the room during the exam, even though DH was in there too.




    Personally, I don’t think your SO should have a say in your doctor. You should go to whomever you are comfortable with and who will provide you with the best care.  Seems like controlling behavior and would be a bit of a red flag for me.  My DH tried to have a say in the hospital I deliver at and I damn nearly bit his head off.








    Post # 24
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @barbie86:  yes, exactly. This was my first thought. I would also not be impressed if my Fiance tried to decide which doctor I see. Ha! I’ll decide myself, thankyouverymuch.

    Post # 25
    9784 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Um, the thought never even crossed my mind to ask him. This is one area where my decision goes!

    Post # 26
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Mrs_Amanda:  I prefer male doctors in general and the gyno that I saw (it’s a specialist appointment in Canada) was no exception. Fiance has never said he cared, and I can’t imagine he would. If he did care though, I’d respect what he wanted.

    Post # 27
    9081 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    The way I see it is this: I just want to be healthy. I don’t care if it’s a man, woman, or little green man staring into my crotch. Keep me healthy. That’s all we give a damn about. I don’t see why a doctor’s gender matters. It isn’t like he’s going to pop a boner right there, or your female gyno is going to start imagining what it would be like to start eating you out.


    If my husband ever cared, I’d tell him he was being wicked stupid.

    Post # 28
    281 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Hmmm. I didn’t vote, because none of the situations exactly apply.  I prefer female. My husband said that he’s super-puzzled that some women prefer a male, but he has no thought that it’s the guy’s decision to make.  I am not puzzled–I have heard arguments on both sides, and I think that that the only important factors are the comfort of the individual patient and the skill of the individual doctor.  If I were to suddenly decide to go to a male OBGYN, he’d asked why I changed my mind, and then he’d say OK. Smile

    Post # 29
    54 posts
    Worker bee

    He has precisly zero input in my medical decisions. The only things we’ve talked about have effected him (Mirena insertion, precipitated by horrible periods) indirectly, but the decision is ultimately mine.

    He doesn’t understand why women would see a male OB/GYN, but that’s mostly due to the experiences I’ve had in that realm. I see an NP by choice, her gender doesn’t matter.

    Post # 30
    4494 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Haha, no my Fiance has absolutely no say. Its a doctor for crying out loud, get over it. My gyn is a male and like you said, there is absolutely nothing sexual about a pap smear. If my Fiance objected to my doctor I would probably just laugh in his face lol.


    Post # 31
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee

    He wouldn’t know if my Gyno was a troll, why would he care about gender? That is super weird. I’ve been to male and female, even I don’t have a preference really…both handled my business and I left?

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