(Closed) does your SO help out with wedding planning?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

oh, i’m sorry you are feeling lonely in the planning. i think you are in good company–a lot of to-be hubbies don’t have a lot to do with the planning. my partner has almost nothing to do with the planning, except for picking a date and making a final decision on the venue. 

maybe you guys could sit down and talk, and lay out your expectations for the wedding planning? if he understands that this is something that you really want, he might get a little more involved.  on the flip side, if he tells you that it’s really not up his alley, at least you know, and you have more freedom to do what you want without having to run it by him!

Post # 4
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Aww I think it’s just the nature of a lot of men to “stay out of our way” lol.  My Fiance is really not too involved in the wedding planning, he’d much rather I attend to all the crafts and details.  I’ve been waiting for him to schedule an appointment with a travel agency, and he keeps dragging his feet, even though he knows the people!  So, I took over that job too 😉

I highly doubt his lack of interest in planning is a reflection of his feelings about the wedding itself, if that’s your concern.  FI can’t wait for the wedding, but he’s not much of a planner, so he leaves that all to me.  Maybe your Fiance is the same way?

Post # 5
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry you feel alone….that sux. I don’t have this problem. We’re a team with this. Tell him how you feel. This is a special day for the both yoo and well….you would like to know how he feels about things.

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally understand! My future hubby seems to want to just lay low when it comes to planning but I think that it is because he wants to just “stay out of the way” – which I don’t want! I think that grooms have this idea that the wedding planning is just for the bride, which is a pretty outdated idea to me. I have just given him a few select tasks (researching honeymoon locations, booking the officiant, etc.) to focus on while I take care of the bigger things and run the final product by him for an opinion. This seems to be working great for us!
It is very doubtful that your fiance’s interest (or lack therof) in wedding planning is a sign that he doesn’t want to get married! I would just talk with him about your concerns and maybe reassure him that his opinion is important because it is “his day” too! Happy planning :]

Post # 7
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

my fi has some things that he’ll help with and some things that he just doesn’t care about. if i talk to him about flowers, he’ll listen, but he doesn’t have any opinions and you can tell he’s just listening to be nice. but he went out all by himself to buy a microphone and look for speakers for our ipod, and the wedding website is completely him. maybe you can try finding aspects that he’s interested in.

Post # 8
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i think “Mary Fiore” (aka, j-lo! ) summed it up the best in the movie “The wedding Planner” …….”Most grooms are NIDs. Not into details.” 

I had to literally persuade my Fiance to look at the reception space I decided on… i was pretty upset with him becuase he said “i’m sure its nice.. whatever you want, i don’t need to see it”

grrrrrr… i had to reason with him that it was important for me to share the planning process and that is part of the fun. After i told him that he’s more responsive to major decisions. Now when i start showing him linen colors, thats when i’ve lost his attention completely! ( and thats ok! )

Post # 9
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@krissybee I agree!!! men are def “NID” in most cases.

My FH has his little projects for the wedding and helps but I do have to coax him a bit and remind him “It is LESS than 6 months to the wedding!!” but he is a great listener about the wedding and does give input when asked.

 

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

SO sits back and says,”Just tell me what colors you like and I’ll be sure to have my tux match.”  That’s about as involved as he gets with it!  Meanwhile, I’m dedicating just about ever ounce of spare time (with a 15 month old, that’s dedication!) to perusing for wedding ideas and he’s watching football.  Yell  I think it’s pretty typical behavior…though, he does listen when I share an idea.  I’ll take what I can get!

Post # 11
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Mr. Evie has nothing to do with any of the wedding plans.  I expected as much, and truthfully, it’s been great this way.  I don’t feel that his lack of participation means anything about our future marriage….  I knew he would not enjoy the planning process, but I just love it!  He wants to be married to me, but probably doesn’t care too much about whether the roses are pink or peach.

Not to be rude, but I think it’s a bit silly when women are surprised that their FI’s aren’t interested in planning…  Don’t make him do planning if he doesn’t want to!  Enlist the help of your bridesmaids!  Don’t read into it either—he just wants you to be his wife, wedding or not.

Post # 12
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My fiance is very excited to partake in wedding planning, but I suspect it’s largely due to the fact that he has been in SEVEN weddings and has developed strong opinions about everything from guest list size, to music, to attire. I would go at it from an angle like “So what did you like about so and so’s weddings”, maybe that would help?

Post # 13
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This may or may not help, because J came into the game wanting to play, but he wasn’t really helpful until I gave him really specific tasks, instructions and deadlines (“Call these 11 venues and find out x, y, z and write them all on this spreadsheet. This has to be done by Jan 1”). Without the structure, he didn’t know HOW to help.

If it’s just an enthusiam thing, I dunno… maybe talk about WHY the wedding is important to both of you, and WHAT about the wedding is important to both of you? Maybe if you can both understand the others’ perspective you’ll be able to find things he’ll be more willing to help with (because he values them more).

Post # 14
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My fiance said he wanted to be involved at first and had a lot of opinions/ideas. Then he talked to his friend that is getting married in 2 months who had hardly anything to do with planning his wedding and he was like “Im going to take after him”. But THEN he started talking about things and having an opinionon everything and Im like you can either help or not but dont say you dont want to and then try to! So he is going to find the DJ, plan the honeymoon AND he came up with an idea for centerpieces (lemons and limes since our colors are green and yellow and its a summer wedding) Maybe you can just assign him one or two specific tasks that will just take a little bit off of your shoulders??

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Fiance doesn’t do anything wedding related either. It’s annoying, I’m doing everything by myself and when I say something he says “I don’t care about colors” like that’s the only freaking thing I have to worry about. I’m just going to book it all and he’ll have to deal with it since he says he doesn’t care about the details. We did get into a tiff last night because of the engagement photo issue (I kinda want them, he doesn’t) and posing etc. He says I’m a bridezilla (which believe me I’ve seen the show and I’m NOT a bridezilla in the least) I just want things to be nice. I’m so annoyed I’ll need a vacation away from everyone (FI included) once this wedding is over!!

Post # 16
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

At the beginning of the planning process, we sat down and discussed what he was interested in helping with, what he’d like to have input on, and what he couldn’t care less about. Then I told him that I don’t care about DJs, so if he wanted something besides an iPod reception, the DJ was up to him. So, when we go to the Bridal Fair next weekend, he’ll be finalizing the DJ. I’ve realized that while he’s not interested in the intricate planning details, he does want to have some input. So, I narrow it down to 2 or 3 options, then present those options to him to help me finalize the details.

The topic ‘does your SO help out with wedding planning?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors