(Closed) Does your SO know who exactly you've had sex with?

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Does your SO know who exactly you've had sex with?
    Yes, SO is the only person I've slept with. : (44 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, SO knows exactly who I've slept with. : (52 votes)
    25 %
    Kinda, SO knows some of the people I've slept with. : (59 votes)
    29 %
    No, SO and I never discussed specifics in past partners. : (51 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @Paiger8:  He knows by default. My first was not a good situation so was relevant to talk about and then we were friends for a while before we got together and he actually met the other two at parties etc in university. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    4656 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The group I used to hang out with was a bit friendcestuous. There’s a picture of me at my 21st birthday party laying across the laps of the four people in the room that I had had sex with. Current SO… then two exes (both of whom I am friendly with, one moreso than the other) and one former friend with benefits. (Neither of us caught feelings, we both just ended up in other relationships that went monogamous.) Point being, he knew why I was taking the picture. 😛

    There are a few others SO hasn’t met. Two whose names I don’t remember (it’s not as bad as it sounds I swear hahaha.)

    For fun, the picture in question: (SO all the way on the right.)

    Post # 5
    Member
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    NOTE THIS ISN’T DIRECTED AT THE ORIGINAL POSTER… it is a bit of a RANT just on the topic at hand

    Ladies,

    I honestly, as someone “of a certain age” (and someone who stood my ground in the sexual revolution in the 1970s), I’ve got to say that this is one of those things that should be kept private… this whole HOW MANY, WHO, WHEN, WHERE, and WHAT you did thing is no one’s business but a girl’s own.

    This isn’t the 1800s, no one owns you, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology.  We are grown women here

    The Women’s Movement and the Sexual Revolution happened for a reason, it was to give us gals the FREEDOM to make choices, and make decisions for ourselves.  Do all those women before you the honour they deserve, for the sacrifices that they made (shame, embarassment, abuse) … and take pride in the fact that you HAVE A CHOICE … and stop feeling like you have to dish out this info to men in your lives.  It isn’t a necessity, anymore than telling them what time you went to the bathroom on Friday, April 6th… it is just another bodily function, and how it happens is your business alone.

    *steps off of soapbox*

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    5660 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @This Time Round:  Agreed. The only ones my fiancé knows of are just people I still know that he knows I dated, and assumes had sex with. Which he’d be right of course lol.

    Otherwise I maintain that my sexual past and my number is my business and private and I have told him that multiple times.

    Post # 8
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think it’s weird to think that you shouldn’t disclose your number or who you’ve had sex with with the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. This is the man you’ve decided to share every earthly possession with… children… a bed… a life… money… EVERYTHING, but you think that you need to keep things from him? It’s not that I HAVE to tell my man anything, I choose to because that is what a loving relationship is about. He might not know every person by face, but I certainly don’t hide anything from him or tell him it’s none of his business. I expect the same from him.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2778 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @This Time Round:  Also agreed, my mom also felt that way about the 70s revolution.  FI knows of a few because I am friends with them other wise no.

    I like having a past that has nothing to do with him and I also enjoy the future that I see only him in.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    @This Time Round:   While I agree, I think in some cases it is relievent to know. My Olny other partner left me with some major psychological damage ( that 4 years later I am still gun shy of some things) so it was relievent to discuss.  As for him, I asked who he had slept with because if he had slept with his ex, he was getting tested. She was a nasty girl who cheated on him a lot.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5403 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @This Time Round:  I don’t feel obligated at all, but I do share pretty much everything with SO since he is my best friend. We are able to be completely honest about anything and everything so just because we disclose information like this, doesn’t mean that he owns me or I owe him anything. I think lasting relationships are built on sharing and being honest. I actually would feel hurt if someone I was planning to spend my life with was withholding information about their sexual history from me. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @This Time Round:  I respectfully disagree… Kind of. While I agree it should be a choice to share with your spouse or not, I don’t agree that choice automatically means it should be kept Quiet.  For me there are times that it’s extremely relevant to discuss with someone you intend to have a long term, satisfying sex life with. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I can’t imagine having the names and numbers talk with a partner.  If we’re both physically and emotionally ready to have consensual, safe sex, then what good is it going to do to talk about our past?  I’m sure Fiance can use his reasoning skills to figure out some partners but I would never sit him down to discuss it.  If a guy asked me that question, I’d have to really evaluate the relationship and figure out why he needed to know– to me, it reeks of insecurity and trying to have power/control.   

    When I was in college, the morbid curiosity of “who have you slept with?” would come out in a relationship, but I felt like (for my previous relationships) it always bred jealousy and insecurity rather than a sense of trust or open communication.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee

    We’ve slept with some of the same men. So, long explination short, We’re both bisexual and in a sort of open relationship. The only partners we both have, are a FWB each. Both partners and ourselves are regularly blood tested for BBP and STD. And we all use bcp/condoms/dental dams.

    Post # 15
    Member
    8516 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @This Time Round:  Yes we have a choice- a choice to disclose or not. the whole point of the revolution was to not have someone on a soap box telling us what we should or shouldn’t do!

    Having an open relationship built on trust and respect does not equal being owned.

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