(Closed) Does your SO or Hubby have a rainbow & fuzzy bunnies mentality?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

we’re kind of like that. i also call myself a “realist,” and worry about EVERYTHING, and my fi usually doesn’t worry about anything. he says that it’s kind of useless to worry because really, where does it get you? all it does is give him tummy aches and me migraines, and doesn’t solve the problem. i get that, but still, i can’t stop! but i’m glad he’s like that. when i have one of my crazy worry fits, he’s always really logical about it and we talk it out and figure out what we can do to make things better. like if i’m worried about money, we’ll go over all of our budget and every possible thing that we might need to spend money on and how we might do that.

Post # 5
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

We’re the opposite.  I’m the “pretendist” and my bf is the “realist.”  This usually comes out when we talk about jobs after law school.  It’s not that I don’t worry about the future. I just don’t dwell on things that I don’t have any control over.  I do what I can now to put myself in the best position to do what I want, and I know that’s the best I can do.  My bf, on the other hand, freaks out when I mention that if we want to work in the same place that one of us may have to be unemployed for a while, like it’s the end of the world.  He always tells me that things aren’t magically going to work out and blah blah blah. I know that, but I’m not going to start worrying about a job that I’m going to start in 2011.

Post # 6
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Yup I think those two personality types are hard to understand for each other I think, just one of those challenges of relationships.

As some perspective, I don’t think a logical and well thought out decisions that given that me knowing X bad event has/is happening isn’t going to help anyone and given that I know that events like X happen and are happening and I’m doing what I can in the grand scheme of things to make things better and am not deluding myself about what causes X and since hearing about X will have a negative effect on my mental well being I prefer not to hear or talk about X is ‘blocking out all negativity’ or ‘pretending’.  I think it’s being very rational about one’s mental health.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Also, statistacly speaking going grocery shopping in the middle of the night is not a particularly dangerous endevor.  A lot of things that people worry about (like stranger abductions) are vanishingly rare and make no sense to worry about IMO. 

Post # 7
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fiance and I are opposites in so many ways!!! and it does cause conflict with our relationship and how we approach various situations. I’m also a huge worrier…have anxiety issues, have more of a negative “worse case scenerio” kind of attitude ( i sound like a bag of rainbows, don’t i? ha) and Fiance is more like @artbee’s Fiance… sees worrying over something you have no control over to be useless and a waste of energy.

Unfortunately, he also sees my anxiety at some things as “weak” and that it frustrates him that i can be so sensitive to let situations/problems bother me. Sometimes i wish he was more supportive because it can be interpreted by me as not caring about my feelings (and a fight insues!! ) BUT sometimes he put my worries in perspective and i appreciate it.

Post # 10
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

Just to give a different perspective here, in my relationship with my mom, she worries about me all the time for every reason she can think of (I’m sure I’m not the only one in this situation!).  But after dealing with her for so long, I really could not take it if my husband also worried about me all the time.  I mean, he cares – and he does remind me about stuff that is actually dangerous (like riding my bike with no helmet) – but if he were worrying about me every time I’m coming home late, I would lose my mind. 

Post # 11
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OMG, you could totally have been writing about me and Fiance — same roles, even. Nothing bothers him! Whereas I have to consider every possible outcome of any possible situation while weighing pros and cons while… it’s exhausting! I try not to be a downer, either, but sometimes, it happens. I’ll be uncertain about something and looking for guidance or just a listening ear, and I swear, his most common response is “It’s OK” or “It will be OK.” And like, you don’t know that! Also, it’s so placating. I know that, very likely, in the end all will be well, but there’s a lot to take care of to reach that point. Whew. Anyway, I totally feel ya!

Post # 12
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just to play devil’s advocate: what if some people don’t worry about things because they have a deep-seeded belief that everything will work out just as it should, something that often comes with many life trials and tribulations. What if that is “realist” not fuzzy bunnies and rainbows?

 

Post # 13
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I tend to be a worrier and fiance tends to be a non-worrier most of the time. It’s funny because I read him part of this thread and his reaction was a combination of big smiles, a bit of blushing, and then “But why worry? Everything always turns out ok!” ๐Ÿ˜›

Sometimes I find it incredibly frustrating, but I really do appreciate that he’s so laid-back because he sort of balances me out. Like, I’ll be freaking out over something and he somehow always finds a way to say or do something that calms me down a bit and makes me feel better, even if I’m still worrying a bit about whatever was freaking me out in the first place =)

Post # 14
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

for me and FH – im the worrier – i stay up all night, its a disease (seriously i have OCD). not as bad as i used to be, but its something that is a huge contrast between the two of us. he is always “eh whatever” when things happen but i just worry until i freak out about it. lol

mind you FH is also OCD, but his is less of the obsessive, more of the compulsive (he checks things a million times, has rituals for random stuff, etc) so its a weird paring, but it works.

he knows that he can calm me down when i need it, and when we need to get out of the door i can let him know the world wont end if he doesnt check something for the 5th time.

Post # 15
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2004

OMG! Seriously Fiance and I are exactly the same. He says I’m a debbie Downer, but who else is gonna come up with plan B, C, & D when plan A falls through. Yes, I admit I overthink EVERTYHING, and have horrible anxiety, but Fiance is all “it will be okay” “i will all work out” and I reply “theres just as good of a chance that it WONT work out”

Seriously the hardest thing to deal with in our relationship. He says I have got to cool it before the wedding because he can’t Deal with Crazy Lindsay lol.Thankfully, HE is the only person that can calm me down and we are doing the long distance thing for the last 6 months of our engagement, so far it hasnt been good. But it think I will be all smiles come wedding time…. hopefully!

 

Post # 16
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

okqueenbee – I think your describing me and my FH down to a tee. Exactly the same!

seems to be a running trend here.

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