- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Having a healthy physique is pretty important to my Fiance.
When we first started going out, I was about 10-15 lbs slimmer.
I gained 15 lbs, and then lost only 5 lbs. I’ve been with this extra 10 lbs (up and down a bit, but mostly stable) ever since.
SO was always pretty good about it, I knew he preferred me a little slimmer, but he was so sweet and loving that I knew he loved me even with the extra weight on.
Slowly, he started making ”motivational” comments to me on getting fit and eating better portions… I was like, whatever I don’t like excercise. He never made it a big deal or anything. I always talked about wanting to lose weight, so he probably figured it was in the works.
Over time, it got to me and I told him I would try out yoga or something. I never did…
Telling him I would try made things worse, in terms that he increased his motivational comments… I guess he kept hoping to see results.
Then I joined a gym, went a little, and stopped (I hated it, it stinks in there).
Then I started seeing a personal trainer once a week which I didn’t mind too much, but with no results because I never improved my eating habits (I am a Starbucks addict, lol).
I am also an emotional eater, and with the wedding planning on my shoulders and the fact that I know he wants me a bit slimmer, I cave and binge.
Knowing he wants me slimmer makes it worse, and I’ve told him this in the past.
During one of your BIG fights (does not happen often), he said he wasn’t as sexually attracted to me anymore and that’s why we hadn’t been having as much sex (I had my own reasons for not wanting sex)… I was shocked to hear him say this… Of course he appologized and we made up.
Last weekend though… Ugh.
It came up again, he said things like:
”It’s not that hard to stop going to Starbucks, it’s just a lack of willpower”
”I am just trying to motivate you, really” Then I said: For me, or FOR YOU?
And replied ”Good question…” (obviously it’s for him)
I asked him if he loved me either way and he said yes…
The last thing he said though, really hurt me… He said:
”When we started going out you were slimmer and then you gained 20 lbs (actually it’s 10 to 15 lbs) and you never lost it.”
Wow. I shed a few tears and dropped the subject. I needed time to digest this.
When we got home and were unpacking the car from our trip, he asked me to stop, hugged me and said:
”I am so sorry for being an asshole/jerk… I was so insensitive… You will look beautiful on our wedding day no matter what weight you are at, I love you”
He was being a jerk (IMO), but we made up. I guess this is someting that is very difficult to communicate: Weight. I am very sensitive too…
I think he might finally step off… at least for a while I hope!
I forgave him, but now I feel unattractive to him… Should we talk about it some more?
Have you bees experienced anything similar with your significant others….?
If done properly and sensitively, is it okay to talk to our SOs about their weight..?