Post # 1
When you met your SO, did his income, or income potential (if he was a student, say) have an effect on your decision to pursue a relationship with him?
Also, I’m not talking about the difference between a lazy man with poor work ethic vs. a super ambitious man. If your SO had a job/career that he was very actively involved in and loved, but did not pay very well, would this matter to you?
Post # 4
Nope. We did meet as students actually and his original plan was to be an architect but pretty quickly decided that wasn’t for him. It took him a couple of years to land on biology but while he was deciding, it was never important to me that he choose something that would lead to more money, just that he chose something that made him happy. Now he’s in a PhD program and vey aggresively pursuing his goals and it’s just amazing to me how hard he works and also how much passion he has for his field.
Post # 5
If salary was not a major factor in chosing my career then his isn’t a factor when I chose to start a relationship.
Post # 7
I’ll go against the grain here and say yes, his income did matter. I don’t expect that my SO make a tremendous amount of money, but there is definitely a certain lifestyle (nothing particularly extravagant, but I don’t want to stress about paying bills or splurging on something nice every so often) that I want and my income alone wouldn’t provide it for a family. That said, it’d be a pretty low income that I would consider unacceptable – probably something along the lines of someone who made almost no money doing some sort of voluntary work. I know that makes me sound bad, but just being honest…
However, if for some reason my SO was no longer able to produce an “acceptable” (now that’s cringe-worthy!), I certainly wouldn’t end the relationship – I just wouldn’t pursue a relationship with someone who made such little money that we would essentially be living on my income alone.
Post # 8
rubberducky : me too. I love my fiancé and part of what I love is his ambition and hard working nature. I wouldn’t care what he worked in, as long as he was happy and able to contribute financially to the relationship.xo
Post # 9
No, And it was just as well cos he’s never earned much . It would matter more if I had to start over I must say !
Post # 10
I wouldn’t be comfortable starting a relationship with someone who was content living paycheck to paycheck or had lots of personal (i.e.: not medical or student loan) debt.
Someone who isn’t making much because they are working their way through school or doing internships or a mid-career change to pursue their passion is totally fine.
I guess I’m saying income + situational factors influencing income matter to me? I hope that makes sense.
Post # 11
Hmm, it is a hard question to answer because you give two competing examples. First you say that income potential matters, and then you say that you aren’t talking about the difference between a lazy man and an ambitious one? Darling Husband was a student when I met him, so he had virtually no income at all (he had a part-time job at a video arcade). But the POTENTIAL in him was significant, both in terms of relationships and earning potential. So when we were married, neither of us had much of anything, and his income at the time did not matter. Once he got started in his career, headhunters were regularly knocking at the door (metaphorically speaking) looking to recruit him. He is now working with an international company and doing well. He did not have this income when we married, but I could see potentialwhen I looked at him.
And ambition is what mattered to me, not income. Had I been looking for a serious relationship in my mid to late thirties, then income would have mattered more, because that would be the concrete proof of ambition.
Post # 12
rubberducky : I am on the same page as you. My standards weren’t terribly high but they needed to have their life together and be able to support themselves. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone living paycheck to paycheck, I had already been with guys like that and did not want it anymore. If he lost his job of course I wouldn’t leave but I also know he’d be out there everyday until he found a great new job. I love that he is a hard worker, ambitious and responsible.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2015 - Swaneset Bay Resort & Country Club
We met when we were 9 and started dating at 14 soooo short answer is no!
Post # 14
I value my DH’s accomplishments. I value how hard he works. I value education in every sense, and I chose him because he was an extremely bright, dedicated, educated person. I’m not sure I would have married someone who didn’t have a degree, or someone who didn’t have the potential to make the most of himself.
I don’t make it a secret that I generally dislike doctors. I almost died due to a misdiagnosis as a small child. The doctor said chicken pox, but I had encephalitis. But I am so proud of everything DH has been able to do. I am proud that he matched into a good program and that he is an anesthesiologist and helps people who need it. I am proud that he has been able to stand apart as a DO in a world of MDs. I am so damn proud of him, and the loans we will pay off or his future earnings don’t really make a difference.
It’s not his paycheck, but who he is. I guess part of that is being a physican.
Post # 15
No, if he works that’s all that matters. I would have a problem if my SO were uneployed, but his income doesn’t matter much to me. I have my own job, I don’t expect him to support me financially. My feeling is….if money matters so much to someone, they should make their own. A man is not a financial plan.