Does your SO's salary matter?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 31
Member
1257 posts
Bumble bee

We met at school, so no. If I were looking to date now then money would play a part to some extent, but it’d be less about how much he earned and more about how he lived within his means. I don’t expect a lavish lifestyle but I like to feel secure.

Post # 32
Member
775 posts
Busy bee

My husband’s salary wasn’t large when we first started dating. What mattered more to me was that he was responsible with money, i.e. he owned his own home, paid his bills, saved money, etc. As long as the person is ambitious, hard-working, and good with money it wouldn’t matter to me. I’d rather have someone who makes a smaller salary who is great with money than a person who makes a huge amount of money but doesn’t know how to save or budget. 

Post # 33
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

We’ve been together since we were 17. Darling Husband is very smart and I always knew he’d do okay in life, but how much money he made did not matter to me, I have my own money.

Post # 34
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would MUCH rather have a manw ith a low salary and a job he LOVES. We spend too much time at work that I really think it needs to be a happy place if at all possible. I think the overall happiness and sanity would over shadow and financial limitations. 

Post # 35
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

I agree with the ladies saying that it did matter to them, because they wanted someone who had his life together. Fiance and I met on an online dating website and I have to say that one of the things I looked for was income. I was a grad student at the time–came from a lower class family background and was thousands in debt from student loans. I didn’t want someone who was in the same situation as me, because I had a vision for my future and it was not spending 10 years getting our lives together. One of the things that drew me to  him was his job and his plan for a future. He was saving money for retirement and planned to have a house by 30, was a frugal spender, and lived by himself (he’s still not 100% independent though, since he takes the worst care of his health and refuses to make any doctor appointments!!) Anyway, I’m glad I had that requirement since we are moving forward with our lives now. 🙂

Post # 36
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

mingogo4 :  Nope.  He was still in college, in fact.  And I don’t believe I ever knew his salary at all until after we’d moved in together and he was unemployed for a year (bad time for him to move!).  The only reason it matters at all now is because we could put a bit more in our savings if he earned a bit more.  Instead his seems to go entirely to bills and I’m the only one who can save a little.  I really want him to beg for a raise for his upcoming child, lol – it’s been about 5 year so surely he deserves one.

I’m wondering if ultimately it would matter to me if he were earning a poverty income and I think it would to an extent if I’m being honest.  Not if it were all he could find for awhile, but if he never strove to improve his state of being, that would point to issues of personality I didn’t agree with.  He has more potential for a career than that, so I’d want him to try to get what he deserves.  It wouldn’t be about the money, per se, but about his motivation in life.

Post # 37
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

No. My Fiance makes less than half of what I make, but, knowing that, I still pursued a relationship with him. Sure, it would be great if he made more money; we’d be able to do more things, have a bigger house, etc. But we’re happy and in love, which is all that really matters to me.

Post # 38
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

No. It didn’t have a factor on me pursuing a relationship with my fiance. However, as some of the others have stated you don’t wanna pursue a relationship with someone with no goals or ambitions to better themselves.  If they don’t have any goals and working on them to get them out of debt if they are in debt then I wouldn’t pursue it. There are a lot of people out there with student loan debt but may not have any other debt. I guess it depends on the person and there situation. There’s always room for growth and improvement. 

Post # 39
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

Yea frankly it does matter. I want to live a comfortable lifestyle and definitely not live pay check to pay check. I want to be able to send our future kids to college and travel and take vacations (something my parents never could really do because they lived pay check to pay check) and all of that takes money. That’s just how the world works. I’ve been with my husband since high school so I didn’t and wouldn’t go seek out someone to marry just for money but to say it doesn’t matter would be a lie. I also plan on working and making money, I’m not saying that is solely his responsibility but I think it’s difficult to be in a marriage where two people’s careers are equally important, especially when you plan on having children. So we decided his career will take precedence over mine so we can eventually start a family and I can stay home with the kids for a few years. 

We have discussed all of this for years though and are on the same page. As long as people are in agreement for what they want out of their marriages/lives I think that’s all that matters.

Post # 40
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

mingogo4 :  no  the same I would hope it didn’t or wouldn’t matter to someone intrested in a relationship with me what my income was. 

 

Post # 41
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

He’ll no it did not matter. I would never be so selfish as to dictate how much money I’d require from a S.O.

We don’t make a lot of money, and tank god for that! I much prefer living simply and will teach my kids that you do not need huge salaries to be able to afford to live.

 

I’m sorry but some of the bees replies here sound so selfish. 

I mean really, if you need fancy things in life, why don’t YOU go out and earn more money yourself?

Post # 42
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Work ethic matters more than salary. My fiance doesn’t make a large salary, but he works his ass off in a field he’s passionate about and I respect him so much for that. I also don’t make a large salary so no room to talk lol.

 

Post # 43
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

NDTieTheKnot :  I don’t think your comment is accurate at alll, and you’re coming across as very ‘high and mighty’ to assume we’re selfish for wanting a particular lifestyle. It almost sounds like you’re projecting, honestly. It is NOT selfish to demand a certain standard from yourself (like choosing a field of work that would allow you to pay off debt, save money, provide a nice life for your children, travel, etc). If anything, many people see that as a realistic thing to do. So no, hoping to find a man who is on the same ‘level’ as you is not selfish. Everyone sets standards for themselves. As long as they’re willing to reach their own standards, it does NOT make them selfish to hope for the same from an SO. Like seriously, get off your high horse. Yes, my kids will know how much you need to live. But I’m hoping they will also be able to travel, be shown other cultures, gain respect for places outside their own world, etc. Just as teaching the value of a dollar is important, I think travel is, too. 

Post # 44
Member
1179 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I didn’t have an income minimum or anything like that when I was dating. But I’m realistic and wanted someone who could support a family with my combined income. And let’s be clear, I am a working professional for an international firm and make good money. However, cost of living in my area is high. I want more children and childcare here can run upwards and over $2K per month for an infant, not to mention housing costs. So to say that income is not important is a little bit naive.

Fiance is also a professional working for an international company. He works very hard, but isn’t in management or trying to run up the corporate ladder. What I love about him is that he very effectively manages working hard and being good at his job and valued on his team with keeping time for family/friends as a priority. It’s the perfect balance for me!

We’re not rich, but we’re doing well enough to buy family home this year and be financially comfortable.

Post # 45
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

Personally, at the time, it didn’t matter. SO and I started dating Freshmen year of college. So even IF we had decided on a particular major or career path, there was a high chance it could change or alter. However, not that I’m older, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it. SO knew from very early on that he would be majoring in Computer Engineering. I LOVED that. Not because of the potential high income for that, but because it had seemed like such a difficult field (and it is). I loved hearing him talk about complex math, physics, etc. It just seemed so different from all the other guys around me and in our friend groups, who were majoring in things like business. I LOVED that SO pushed himself so hard to major in a difficult field that many don’t, and I LOVED hearing about the things he learned. I still like when he comes home and explains something to me, and I always think “Wow, you get to learn this stuff in engineering?!”. 

So I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a positive. I grew up in a household that lived by each paycheck. I illegally held my first job at 14. I’ve been working ever since, including full time most of college to make ends meet. I don’t want that lifestyle for my kids. I love my parents and my dad is the hardest working man in the world, but every parent wants their kid to have more than they did. So yes, now it is important to me. If I wasn’t dating SO, I wouldn’t expect and engineer, doctor, etc. But I would expect someone who went to college, could hold similar conversations with me, and who was majoring in a field that would allow us to do fun things. I want to travel and experience the world. I can do that for myself, but I wanted to also be with someone who could do those things with me. 

But this has also had its downsides. Many people assumed I was simply in college for my ‘Mrs Degree’ and that when I found SO, I latched on because of his amazing career choice. And that pissed me off to no end. Neither of us even wanted a relationship in the beginning, we didn’t talk about majors until later on, I worked my butt off for my grades, got accepted into a major that only accepted 30 our of 300 students each semester, and had endless internships. So while it’s a positive, it has also been a negative. Because when the ‘man’ in the relationship has a great field of work, people just assume that’s what the girl was after all along. And it’s a slap in the face that all my hard work in college was basically made to seem like it wasn’t important. But that’s life. 

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