Does your SO's salary matter?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 46
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes it matters. Money does matter. If he had horrible credit, gambled and had a poor paying job I wouldn’t have given him a second thought. That’s just the way it is with me. If I couldn’t find a man with the same mindset then I wouldn’t get married.  I’m 40. Plowed my own way my entire life so my future husband should share my thoughts on money and make close to me, if not more. 

Post # 47
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Nope, I actually had no idea how much he made for a while and then I found out it was about the same as me and I didn’t care at all. He’s one of the most ambitious and talented people I’ve ever met, I was very attracted to that. 

Post # 48
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Education mattered more than salary. I specifically looked for someone who is educated with steady employment. 

Post # 49
2019 posts
Buzzing bee

Yep. It was a major factor for me. I make my own money (just slightly below what my husband makes) but I knew I wanted to marry someone who could help provide the life I want to give my children. 

If I had met someone who LOVED their job, but it paid an extremely small or no salary, that isn’t cohesive with what I want in life. I want to send my kids to private school, hopefully take a few years out of the workforce/part time to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, I want to live a nice (not extravagant) life, in a nice community with a nice home. If I married someone with an incredibly low income, that’s not possible. 

I met Darling Husband while we were both in undergrad, so he had basically no income (only was working part time). But he picked a major based on a career path I knew he would be successful in. He wasn’t making big bucks off the bat (no one is) but I knew that his career field + his ambition would make him successful. 

I dated other guys who had great career prospects (probably higher lifetime earning potential than my DH) but didn’t marry them, as they weren’t the right person for me & didn’t have the other characteristics I looked for in a spouse. 

Salary/earning potential wasn’t the ONLY thing important to me, but it was important. Life costs money, and I didn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t help provide for the life I want 

Post # 50
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We met as teenagers, he was a highschool dropout, so no haha. Years later, he got a diploma and makes more money than I ever will, so I’m glad I didn’t care back then.

Post # 51
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Having gone through 8 months last year of my husband being unemployed…it matters.  It ABSOLUTELY matters.  He was actively job searching, and getting plenty of interviews, but no bites.  For a while there our marriage felt very shaky because of me being the only one working.  He was getting depressed and it was affecting both of us.  We were very lucky that we had a good deal of savings to get us through, but emotionally we were struggling.  Fortunately things are more stable now and we are a lot happier.  My husband has found his ambition again, and we are doing pretty good.  I could not be with someone who didn’t have ambition to pull his weight financially, or who made poor financial decisions.

Post # 52
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We met at 16 LOL so that would be a no.

However, now, I’d probably say yes. Maybe not fully based on income, but time. I like to travel and would want someone with the ability to take time off. If you can barely afford your car payment, you’re probably less likely to take your vacation time or spend that money more frivolously. On the flip side, I wouldn’t want to be with a workaholic, even if they were making bank. Again, because theyre not going to have any time for me!

Post # 53
1365 posts
Bumble bee

H makes significantly less than I do, so it doesn’t matter in that sense. But now that we’ve purchased our home and are TTC, we know how much money we need to maintain our current lifestyle and plan for the future. Since we moved he’s been looking for a new job and there are many that he’d enjoy doing but he simply can’t take because we’d be making too little collectively. On the flip side, I couldn’t take a job that I might want if I made significantly less than I do now. But that’s a choice we made together and continually communicate about. 

Post # 54
225 posts
Helper bee

Kind of. Education level and intellect were more important, though. I am currently on a path to getting my Ph.D. And I need someone who is also intellectual and can have conversations with me about my research. My fiancé was was getting his double major in aerospace/mechanical engineering and business management when I met him and I really admired his drive and how smart he is. The high salary that came along with his education was just a plus! I will make enough to live the lifestyle I want, but the security of his higher income is also nice.

Post # 55
155 posts
Blushing bee

Yes. I pursued certain career path myself because was it offers better earning potential than others

it is important to me for two reasons. I want our children to be able to take advantage of certain opportunities and have the opportunity to go about their education etc in a way I didn’t have the opportunity to do so.

i am also turned off majorly by unambitious men and men who are unable to manage money. Also if a man is ambitious and his work takes away form our time together I won’t be happy if that’s not reflected in the reward-I.e. his pay check.

Post # 56
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

Not at all as long as he does something he enjoys it’s all that matters

Post # 57
365 posts
Helper bee

Yes because I want to start a family together and be able to provide our children with the things they need. I feel as though living pay cheque to pay cheque and struggling to pay bills would put a huge amount of stress on a marriage. 

Post # 58
411 posts
Helper bee

My ex before my current SO made a lot a lot of money. When we met I was just finishing grad school. We split things pretty evenly, although he would have paid for everything. He was kind, but I was intimidated by how much he made. Our breakup was amicable. I met current SO very quickly after that breakup. He made maybe 1/6th to 1/10th of what the last guy did, and even though I am very financially independent, I did have a moment of asking myself if it was ok. The answer was immediately yes, he is hard working and ambitious and that all mattered so much more than money. But even me, who honestly never cared that my SO had been very rich, took pause for a moment.

So no, his salary wasn’t so important as was his work ethic. If he hadn’t had that, all the money in the world wouldn’t have mattered.

ETA: I should, however, add that my SO was then making about the same amount of money as I was and our combined income would provide a comfortable life for us. I do think that if he was very financially unstable that that likely would have mattered more.

Post # 59
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

yourhandinmine :  So you’re saying that if your husband suddenly quit his job for a low paying job he’s passionate about you would not be okay with that? 

Yes, that is indeed selfish.

Setting salary standards for potential S.O’s is your individual choice, but I do think it is selfish.

If I want to travel but my husband didn’t make enough,  I would go look for a better job for myself.

Post # 60
916 posts
Busy bee

NDTieTheKnot :  Did I say that? No. At no point did I say that, I appreciate you putting words that are false in my mouth. Though that quality really doesn’t look good on anyone. 


If my SO were to stop with computer engineering, I would be sad. Yes, though not for the selfish reasons you so quickly assume. I would be sad because I know of his passion and love for computers and programming, his insane talent. I would be sad that I felt like he would never be able to see what he could do. If he became a teacher (something of lower pay) as long as he loved his job, I would support him. I make my own money. If he wanted to become mechanic? Sure. If he throws the same amount of passion at it as he does computers, he would do a wonderful job. However, if he decided to quit his job to start painting pictures and selling them on the street? Yes, I would be sad. And for the reason you think. Because part of the reason I love my SO is of his optimism of reality, but also his full understanding. And frankly, that move is putting yourself in a very unlikely to succeed version of reality. 

I also did NOT say that there were salary standards. Honestly, it’s as if you didn’t even read my post. Do you always just jump to assumptions and fill in whatever blanks you desire? How irritating that must be for the people around you. I suggest you don’t do that, as very little people will put up with that. 

When I said standards, I met exactly as I said. STANDARDS. The same standard I have for someone who is smart, motivated, dedicated, etc. I have a standard for myself that I will push myself to the potential I know I can reach. I also have a standard of more than basic intelligence, and a standard for wanting to live a similar lifestyle (like travel). I wish to be with a person who has the same standards I wish to uphold. 

Again, your last point just makes no sense with what I said. I specifically said I make my OWN money, and that I WANT TO TRAVEL. And then I said (since it seems like you didn’t read…again) that I want someone who can ALSO travel with me. As in pay their way to travel. If you’re going to call half the posters here selfish, simply because they don’t agree with your choices, and then not even have enough respect to read someones post without commenting assumptions that go AGAINST what that person says…why even post? 

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