Does your SO's salary matter?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 61
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

I agree with rubberducky on this one. 

My answer is no and sort of yes. 

No money doesn’t matter in the sense that he has to make $xx,xxx or more a year for it to be an acceptable partner. I don’t have a minimum salary requirements for my love.

I make more than him and i always have, it doesnt bother us, However I can’t feel as though I’m alone in building our future, he has to be contributing something for it to work. Even if the proportions are imbalanced. 

Post # 62
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Fiance works in the same place he did when we met, he has gotten 2 promotions but doesn’t make a lot more than he did. It wasn’t a factor in deciding if i wanted to continue our relationship. Sure I’d like to make more and I’d like him to make more but I still love him to death

Post # 63
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My answer is complicated…as Darling Husband started off as what I thought was only going to be a fling…and then he stuck around tongue-out

At the risk of catching a little flack, when the turning point came to decide if I wanted to ‘get serious’ with him and move him from the ‘fling’ to ‘boyfriend’ catagory, I did consider his income and job potential to a degree.

The guy I dated before Darling Husband was a complete deadbeat. We were pretty serious. Living together, and even shared a bank account. He kept getting fired from jobs….for the year and a half we were ‘really’ serious, he was employed COLLECTIVELY for maybe six months (spread out over four different jobs)…and that is being GENEROUS. Sure, he kept our apartment immaculate and cooked dinner for me every night, but it slowly became clear he had no real interest in working. I also found out after we broke up that his parents had been giving him money the whole time he was unemployed…but instead of using it to help us out, he just kept it to himself and blew the money on weed, booze, and doing fun stuff during the day while I was at work blissfully unaware….paying his bills…keepng food on the table and a roof over our head.

So yeah…I could NOT involve myself with another deadbeat like that!

 

Post # 64
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Nope. When I met my husband he had a good job, worked hard, but didn’t make huge money. Since then, he has gotten a new job and makes good money. He likes that he feels he can “look after” the family no matter what (even though I work too). We live comfortably but definitely not lavishly. We are both pretty cheap and budget carefully 🙂

Post # 65
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

I’m with rubberducky on this one. It absolutely mattered to me. I had a high paying job when I met my fiancé, and I wanted someone who could match my lifestyle.

I don’t need ridiculous materialistic things, but it’s very much my personality to go to the airport and pick a place to go for the weekend. I did this often when I worked a 9-5, and he was able to come along with me. 

I also already owned a condo in San Diego when I met my Fiance so I needed to know he wasn’t freeloading off of me. I was kind of shocked at how many people in their mid-twenties were still living with their parents, renting a room from a house, etc. I honestly had a hard time finding someone who had somewhat established a home. (My Fiance was renting a nice apartment by himself when I met him.)

Now, if we’ve been together some time and he somehow became unable to sustain this lifestyle for whatever reason, that’s ok. We will make it work. But I’m not willing to start a relationship that way. 

Post # 66
Member
9580 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

yes and no.

no, I don’t care much about  $$$. my serious exes had careers in arts and teaching, respectively.. neither were likely to get rich but that didn’t matter to me.

however, I am attracted to intelligent, driven, men… which is correlated with wealth in many careers. Darling Husband just happened to go in to a career which has a large earning potential.

I do enjoy the perks very much, but I’d be happy so long as together we made enough to live comfortably.

Post # 67
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

To an extent. Neither of us likes to watch their spendings too closely and we both appreciate a certain level of job security. For example, we might pack lunch on some days but we don’t need to – we can afford a sandwich and coffee reasonably comfortably. Or buy some extra nice beer every now and again. Or going on holidays 2-3x/year, as long as they are all on the cheaper side. Not watching how much I spend on coffee or knowing that I can go bungee jumping/skydiving/sea kayaking/… if I want to, as long a it is not every weekend. Knowing that buying Chritmas presents won’t kill us. I don’t think I could comfortably live under that level of income.

That being said, our wants and needs are fairly down to earth. As long as we can pay our bills, rent, insurance, don’t need to watch our spendings too closely, and can save a little, we are both happy. I’d say I would be unhappy if we couldn’t each afford roughly half of the running costs for an extended time (~1.5-2years?). We both have the potential to earn more than this (both finishing off PhDs atm), and both like to spend money on fun things, but what we have at the moment is pretty much the baseline level of what I need to be happy with someone.

Post # 68
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

I would say that while I did not think about salary once while we are dating, I am very glad that my husband does make a significant salary from a “family” point of view. My goal has always been to be a stay at home mom, which means that someday he will be the ONLY source of income for our family. And while we have and will continue to save and set ourselves up for the future, I am glad that his salary is significant enough that we will be able to do this- for the best of our family.

Post # 69
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

To be honest, yes it did. I wanted someone who was well on his career path. Prior to him, I dated my ex for 5 years and he was in law school most of that time. I was tired of helping to support someone and wanted someone with their own money!!!

Post # 70
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

italianbride0508 :  “Yep. It was a major factor for me. I make my own money (just slightly below what my husband makes) but I knew I wanted to marry someone who could help provide the life I want to give my children.”

Thisssss!! SO MUCH THIS!! 

Sure, all that mattered when my fiance and I started dating was that he had a steady job in a good field. The amount didn’t really matter as long as he was able to pay for his bills reliably.

The longer we dated and the more marriage/kids got brought up, the more important a stable, decent income was. He knows he wants two kids and a stay at home wife until the kids are old enough to get to school on their own. You can’t have that kind of life without a good income. That’s the life we both want, and we both have worked towards making that a reality by keeping our financials in check, working hard for promotions, and saving to make things easier later on. 

I did date a guy for about a year (there were other problems that caused our breakup) who made just above minimum wage and struggled to pay bills. He would sell things on eBay when he needed extra money. I knew that with him I wouldn’t be in a position to buy a nice home and care for a few kids the way I wanted. But at the time I wasn’t ready for that anyway so it didn’t matter so much.

Post # 71
Member
2074 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

His level of education mattered more to me than his income. However, I could see it causing a problem if our incomes were sevely mismatched. And although this is anecdotal and certainly not universal, several of my girlfriends had been with men who earned much less without good results. The men eventually become resentful and angry at the difference in salary and the relationships ended.

Post # 72
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - The White Barn

mingogo4 :  It’s not that their income mattered but the fact that my husband had a job, his own car and his own place at his age was important to me. Goal oriented and it showed that he is responsible for himself. Have dated guys whom didn’t have their own car or their own place and couldn’t keep a job which usually included some bogus excuse and relied on everyone else for rides and money to do things. Those relationships were my worst and after the last one never wanted to date someone who is dependant.

Post # 73
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

What’s more important to me is what he does with the money he makes.  Can he live within his means?  A good work ethic and job stability were also important.

Post # 74
Member
2074 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Also, I think age makes a difference. When I met my ex we were both in graduate school and had no income. Money mattered much less to me at that point, though I would not have dated a high school drop out. Potential (for both of us) mattered. Alternatively, I met my Boyfriend or Best Friend at age 38 after I had a full career and (relatively) high-paying job, so his income definitely mattered. I needed someone I could have a home with, travel with, and have a similar lifestyle with that we both were able to contribute to.

Post # 75
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

Yes. Absolutely.

While I don’t consider becoming extremely wealthy a top priority, I do wish for some financial security, and not living paycheck to paycheck. I did not want to be the sole, or majority breadwinner, and have the stress of affording a roof over our head, or food on the table placed just on me. Also, if we ever have children, I want to be a stay at home mom, at least until they are older. That would never be possible if I was the only one earning anything significant.

We both are engineers, and met in college. I currently have a stable placement, and he is just starting out with his own consulting company. I currently make a more stable paycheck, but he will likely out-earn me this year.

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