Does your SO's salary matter?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 76
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Nope. Not in the slightest.

Post # 77
Hostess
3882 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

mingogo4 :  Nope!  We were in college and Darling Husband had plans to be a doctor.  He did admit he was scared I’d break up with him when he decided that he didn’t want to be a doctor, but I just wanted him to do what made him happy.  I wouldn’t be ok with Darling Husband being lazy, but he’s not, so we’re good 🙂

Post # 78
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

In some ways – yes, in others – no.

So long as he has a steady income and doesn’t live paycheck to paycheck with moderate savings and 401(k) investing, I’m cool with whatever he makes.

However, my income seems to matter far more to him as I make significantly more than he does.

Post # 79
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

It definitely matters, I am used to providing a certain level of lifestyle for myself, and anyone I date should have a stable enough income to enjoy those things with me. I’d never want to suddenly cut down on vacations or stay home for dinner every night because my partner couldnt contribute anything to those splurges. They don’t have to match my income, they just can’t be destitute, and they need to enjoy similar spending habits to myself. I’m also older than most bees and the days of dating students (or being a student) or still trying to figure out a career are long gone.

Post # 80
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

In some ways. I wanted to make sure he was someone who could support himself, who was someone who wasn’t happy to just scrape by and who had aspirations for what I/we consider a “good” life (for us that’s a nice home, travel, ability to pursue our desires in life).  

My first serious/long-term/live-in boyfriend while in undergrad tried to push me to go to law school; as it turns out he wanted me to make a high salary so he could stay home and paint and be a stay-at-home husband/dad. This lack of ambition (and respect for me) was one of the biggest reasons we broke up, so I really didn’t want to be in that kind of situation again. 

Besides, being driven and successful is sexy, I won’t deny that. 

Post # 81
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Nope! My Fiance went to school for Business Management, which in most cases you were guarenteed something in HR or something to that effect. Me being an accounting major, I did not care what he did as long as he loved it.

 

Now he has left his comfortable paying job to start his own company. Which means he will likely have little to no income in the first few years getting his company set. I wouldn’t care if his company never made a lot of money, I just know that he is happy and is doing what he loves. I know he would feel the same if I decided to quite my job and stay at home and volunteer or help others like I have always wanted to do. 

 

I never expected my Fiance or Future husband to take care of me financially, I always knew I could do it on my own if I needed to. 

 

As long as your SO loves what they do, the amount of money they make or lack there of, shouldn’t matter!

Post # 82
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Not at all. We met when we were in high school so we both had nothing. I was however attracted to his work ethic and his ambition to do well in life. I tend to be a little more “lazy” than he is so I knew those traits that he had would bring out better things in myself.

Post # 83
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

No at the time it didn’t. Looking back, it should have. Moving forward if things were to change, it absolutely will be taken into consideration. 

Post # 84
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Yes. Not necessarily a specific dollar amount or field but work ethic and ambition. I tried dating a man (32) that made half what I made because he just didn’t want to work more or do more to get promoted and the difference was glaringly apparent. I didn’t mind picking up the tab for meals, dates and majority of a vacations but when I had to buy groceries (not living together) – I knew I wasn’t about that life or lifestyle. I wasn’t looking for a lavish life but I knew back then I didn’t want to sell stuff just to afford food. I wanted to live comfortably (not worry about the basics of shelter, food, clothing, bills), take vacations, and afford a few small luxuries. 

Post # 85
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

 

Kind of/yes and no.

I should note that I am a student nearing graduation and all of the guys I have dated thus far have also been students at the time we were dating (the guy I dated the longest, my ex, has been in the workforce for about 3 years), so this discussion is entirely in the realm of projected rather than actual earnings.

My boyfriend now, with whom I am serious, has a rather significantly lower earning potential than I do. He’s a good student and a hard worker, he’s just in a field that doesn’t pay as much (ag-related stuff). I knew this way before we were dating as “What’s your major?” unsurprisingly came up in our first conversation. 

The fact that he will probably make less than me wasn’t at all a factor in my choice to date him, but it is a nice fringe benefit as I have always wanted to be the breadwinner and likely will be if we end up together.

I wouldn’t want to date someone lazy or not ambitious; he has to be willing to contribute to a household even if that contribution isn’t monetary (e.g. being a SAH parent, etc.).

I will say, although I have never found myself in this situation, I might be less willing to date a guy who made significantly *more* than I did/will. 

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