(Closed) Does your spouse understand your "need"/love for makeup?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

My boyfriend feeds my “addiction” to makeup– fortunately most of the expensive makeup palletes he buys for me (KvD Shade&Light Eye, Naked2Basics, Naked Smokey, UD Vice)! He knows how happy it makes me, so he loves to see my face light up. He doesn’t think I need it though, because in his words “you spend so much time making yourself into the most perfect rose, when I’m in love with the roots.”

Post # 32
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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jennylynn1425 :  we didn’t combine finances and I also dont spend a lot on make up/beauty products.

BUT I told my husband about expensive very good skin lotions and he told me to tell him the names and he wants to buy them for me. so cute! 

Post # 33
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I am lucky enough that my FH would never dream of criticising my spendings. However if you have joint finances and probably savings account etc what you need to do is budget. Budget for all your expenses with each of you contributing proportianally to your respective incomes (not straight half and half unless your incomes are the same). Then set a side a certain amount for personal expenses and savings. And each of you can have your personal expenses  budget to do with as you please. Never ever monitor those. Thats why they are personal. Now the question is how jig or if they have to be equally big. And I would say no. They very much should depend on your personal needs. For example as a man he is not expeced to dye his grayng hair – but you would feel bad if you dont. You probably dont need facial grooming equipment but most likely he does

 Having jointnfinances doesnt mean anybody gets to “control” the other party. It just means you set and achieve goals together. And no he doesnt get to tell you you should spend less on haircuts unless you jointly really cannot afford it. But then it is still not his place to say it. You would figure it out by yourself.

Post # 34
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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jennylynn1425 :  I was expecting outragous expenses but that sounds pretty reasonable to me. I also would not count it as “fun money” but personal hygiene. Keeping your hair and skin healthy should be a no-brainer. Sure, there are different price brackets but that is not really the thing to cheap out on if you found something that works for you (and don’t need to save particularly badly – then maybe look into alternatives). 

Post # 35
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Ideally, presenting it exactly as you have here should make him understand your conundrum: that the expenses you’re talking about aren’t really about makeup/hair as “fun” or a hobby, it’s about meeting (unfair) professional appearance standards in order to advance your career. It sounds like it’s also about keeping up the routine you’re used to and not having to shift that around when you’ve found something that works for you, that doesn’t make you break out, etc.

This is also something where the details of how it’s affecting your budget are important, though–this post makes way more sense (and makes your husband sound way more reasonable) knowing that it’s only after budgeting out “fun money” together that the issue came up. So the question becomes how much flexibility there is in your budget, and what it would mean numerically to shift your makeup and hair costs to some kind of joint “personal care” category. Would it mean half your hair/makeup costs essentially had to come out of his “fun money” instead? Or would it just mean you’d be saving slightly less aggressively towards your joint financial goals? If things are tight enough that there’s a direct tension between your hair/makeup costs and the rest of your non-essential spending, you should probably seriously consider whether there are ways to cut hair/makeup expenses (like maybe a middle ground between $150 for hair vs. the cheapest chain out there, though I get that $150 is actually pretty reasonable for color in many cities). But if the amount of “fun money” you allotted has more to do with that number seeming reasonable for actual “fun” stuff, it certainly seems fair to recategorize things so that you don’t have to be miserable and miserly with all your actual fun expenses just to look professional at work.

My fiancee and I are at the very beginning of combining finances, and we ran into a version of this issue in reverse–she spends way less on haircuts than I do, because she has a friend who cuts and colors it for her at a huge discount, while I usually go to a barber who’s on the pricier side (and have to get way more frequent haircuts to look neat/professional). When we were in budget-setting mode she made a comment about how much money we’d save in a year if I switched to the $12 barber down the street, so I showed her a picture of the haircut that made me swear off $12 haircuts and explained I’d rather spend an extra $15 a month so that I don’t have to worry about that happening again! She got it–but you’d better believe I’d be working harder to save that $15 a month if we weren’t already putting far more than that in savings with room to spare. Similar conversation about her clothing costs vs. mine–I barely spend anything on clothing, but it was/is a significant expense on her end when you added it up over the course of a year. We meet in the middle on that one; I wasn’t taking into account the fact that women’s clothing expectations demand more variety than men’s and that she can’t just wear the same couple of suits like I can, and she hadn’t really noticed how much money was going towards clothes shopping she didn’t actually need.

Post # 36
Member
1930 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I once asked DH to pick me up some primer when he was at the mall and he called me from Sephora completely outraged at the price, lol.

I do have expensive products, but I’m frugal about it. I subscribe to Ipsy and have my settings set for very top notch products. It took a long time (and research), but I get a $40 eyeliner, $108 eyecream, etc. for $20/month. Have you thought about this? It could really lower your spending. I even got the primer I asked him to go buy.

One thing DH supports, but just straight up does not GET is how long it takes me to get ready. I’m not a sit in front of the TV kind of person. If I’m going to watch a show I might as well contour, lol.

Post # 37
Member
10306 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

My money is my own and belongs to only me so he gets no opinion on how I spend it.

I don’t fuss when he buys a $300 phone, he doesn’t say anything when I spend $70 on bath bombs. It works for us.

However, I will say he is outraged at the price of things and assures me he used to use Maybelline eyeliner and it is the same quality of my high end stuff.

Post # 38
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

My hunny started to understand once I got him a “the art of shaving” kit. Once he saw how well a QUALITY product performs over a value brand…. He got a lot less judgy and a lot more understanding.

Post # 39
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I haven’t really read other responses in depth yet, so someone may have mentioned this, but here are my thoughts:

I’m sure that he has things he does or spends money on that you wouldn’t say are 100% “necessary.” I would just remind him that keeping up your hair and makeup routine is important to you, and that it shouldn’t bother him unless you’re dropping insane amounts of money on it (which, it sounds like you’re spending the average or even slightly less than what most women spend). 

My fiance hasn’t mentioned my hair and makeup spending, even though I have a self-professed lipstick addiction. If he does, I’ll just quietly remind him how expensive it is to play a round of golf or buy parts for his jeep 🙂 

But really though, bottom line is this: combining your finances is 2 sources of income becoming one. If he’s not ok with everything that entails, perhaps it’s worth discussing keeping some finances separate. 

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