(Closed) Would you tell your SO’s family that you’ve been married before (or viceversa)?

posted 9 years ago in Encore
  • poll: Would you tell your SO's family that you've been married before (or vice-versa)?
    Yes. It's important that they all know. : (32 votes)
    55 %
    Yes. But just those I'm closest to (a SIL or MIL for example) : (10 votes)
    17 %
    Probably not, but it's a small town, so they already knew. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    No. I do not want them to know and I hope they never find out. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Yes, but then, I/he has kids, so the question came up naturally. : (11 votes)
    19 %
    Other. : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My Fiance has a son and a daughter, so it wasn’t "have you been married before?" it was "how many times have you been married before?"  Tough crowd.

    My SIL was an encore bride as well, but again, she had a son, so we all knew.

    I don’t think anyone in my family is really judgemental about it except my mom, but since my SIL and nephew are so great, I don’t think she has as much of a problem with it.  But (before I ever met FI) my mom did tell me she wondered why my SIL’s previous marriage failed and if it would happen again.  Parents!

    Post # 4
    Member
    7053 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    People just assume we’ve been married before.  It’s probably the kid thing!  lol!  Or the fact I’m 39?  

    Post # 5
    Member
    37 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I have a daughter so naturally, it came up. But I keep getting the "Has he been married before?" Um, no… does he have to? Weird.

    Post # 6
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    I’ve been married before (he hasn’t), no kids.  It’s not something I keep from people, but it’s kinda disclosed on a "need to know" basis.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    He’s been married; I haven’t. It’s not a secret, but we’re not exactly broadcasting it either. If it comes up in conversation with my friends or family, I don’t hide it, but I don’t bring it up. My parents knew him before he was married and then we all lost touch, so they were surprised he had been married in the interim. They’re glad to have him joining our family, divorced or not!

    Post # 8
    Member
    184 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If I’d been married previously, I couldn’t imagine hiding it from future family, that just seems like it’s asking for trouble.

    Post # 9
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I have kids so it was fairly obvious.

    Post # 10
    Member
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I have a 13 year old daughter so it too was fairly obvious but they love her just as much as they love our 18 month old son.

    Post # 11
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee

    I got married really young the first time.  I am a totally different person.  I marked other because I don’t really even know if any of my FIs family knows I was married before or if it really even matters to them.  It doesn’t effect our relationship and obviously Fiance has dealt with it in enough of a way that he is willing to marry me, so I say carry on!

    Post # 12
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Well, the fact that my grown son and daughter were my attendants–and that my ex-husband gave the blessing over the bread–kind of gave it away.  However, at my age (56), I think most people would have assumed it anyway.  I think they were more surprised that my wife (41) had never been married.

    Post # 13
    Member
    7053 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I just re-read this question and have a new answer to it.

    Why would you want to deceive the one you love or his family?  I mean, honesty is the main thing in a relationship.  It’s the basis for a lifetime of love and happiness.

    “Omitting” something so important as a vow of marriage is a big lie imho.

    I’d feel like a jerk if I did that to my Fiance.  Trust and honesty is the basis for a relationship.  Period.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think anyone would decieve their fiance (isn’t it on the new marriage license anyway, previous marriages?) but what if you had a brief marriage when you were really young, no kids and the fiance feels that his/her parents wouldn’t approve?  is it worth the big fight if people are like that?  I understand it’s deceitful but if someone’s in-laws to be would shun them or not attend the wedding b/c of it and you KNOW that I could understand why they’d be inclined to keep it a secret. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    I have a son…so the question came up naturally but the answer was ummmm no…

    Post # 16
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My Fiance has been married before and I let my family know. HIS family actually thought it would be a problem for me as I have never been married. The way I see it is that since he has done it before, he knows what NOT to do =) His previous marriage helped shape him into the man that he is today. I would never hide it…regardless of what my family may have to say….luckily they know me well enough to know that if they DO have something to say…it better not get back to me.

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