(Closed) Doesn't want to marry me anymore:( wedding is off! :( :(

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

@BrideToBe14:  My goodness, you poor thing.  I feel for you and I am so sorry you’re going through this.  But reading your post just about broke my heart.

You’re blaming yourself, calling yourself names, and putting yourself down when from what you wrote it sounds like you’ve bent over backwards trying to please your ex.  You changed everything from your attitude to your appearance to make him happy.  I’m all for self improvement and self awareness, but you’re being very hard on yourself.  Just the fact that you felt you needed to change your hair color to make him happy — it speaks volumes about your ex, about the way you feel about yourself, and about the relationship.  Any man who starts out a relationship telling his girlfriend that she’s not his “dream girl” is setting the relationship up for failure–and he’s setting the girl up for jealousy and insecurity, likely because he wants to see how far he can push you, how completely he can control you, and how much you would compromise to be with him.  Don’t fool yourself–this kind of crap is a control tactic and an ego trip and it is rooted in his own insecurity.  Don’t blame yourself for something he started.  I would be jealous and insecure too if my significant other was always telling me how I don’t measure up some fantasy of his.  And now this guy has you believing that this is all your fault because you weren’t his “dream girl” and were some kind of “psycho bitch.” 

I know what it’s like to try to morph into someone else to please the one you’re with.  It’s exhausting and it completely sucks.  I know it’s hard to hear right now, but you’re really better off in the long run, and it sounds like you know that.  There is someone out there who is going to love you exactly as you are, and you won’t need to change a thing. 

 

Remember that just because someone says something about you DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE.

 

 

 

Post # 48
Member
10016 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Birdi:  Well said, I love how you put things.  πŸ™‚ 

My husband puts up with me, for example, yesterday I was crazy.  We had an ice storm and I was on my way home from work, stopped for gas.  I had the flu last week so I’m still feeling horrible and not quite my usual sunshiney self, to say the least.  I couldn’t get my gas cap off because it was frozen shut.  For some reason I called my husband while I was sitting there and I LOST my shit, I was hysterical.  I was literally screaming like a crazy person.  He just stayed very calm, like he always is (and probably secretly laughing at me, lol) and said, “Honey, everything will be ok, just calm down because that’s not helping.  Now, love, what is the problem?”  And while he was talking to me the gas cap miraculously popped open.  I told him my car just needed to hear his voice.  πŸ˜‰

My point being that he has never once made me feel bad about myself even when I’m behaving like a scared, immature little brat.  I never direct my temper AT HIM, though, I just vent.  Innocent

Post # 49
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@BrideToBe14:  Oh honey, I was in your exact shoes once and I know that it’s not something I’d wish on my worse enemy.

My ex-FI and I broke up in November 2012.  We had only been engaged since July 2012 but it seemed like our relationship went downhill quickly after that.  If you search my name, you’ll find a thread on how he bought me a cz ring and how I handled it.  I decided to give him another chance and things were good…. for a while.

I realized that I was never going to be who he wanted me to be.  He wanted a girlfriend/FI that doted on him hand over foot.  He wanted to be the one in charge of the relationship and I was too independant for that.  We started off as great friends but that doesn’t always translate to becoming a great couple.

Long story short, we broke our engagement, and while I was devestated, at the same time it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I won’t lie, it absolutely sucked for a while and some days were worse than others but I knew in the long run it was the best decision.

We basically let our moms handle telling the family.  It was 6 months before the wedding so we did lose some money.  I believe our moms contacted most of the families personally as we had not sent any STD cards out, nor did we have any showers.

Everyone was extremely supportive.  I was so touched to see how my friends were there for me.  Heck, I even got support from my ex’s friends.

Please know that it WILL get better.  Remember when one door closes, another opens.  If I hadn’t broken up with my ex, I never would have gotten back together with my high school sweetheart.

There are sunnier days ahead for you.  I promise!

 

Post # 50
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

In the past, whenever a boyfriend has ever suggested I change anything about myself or my life the only thing I have ever changed was boyfriends. I’m saddened that you even felt a need to change anything about yourself in the first place. Work through these feelings ’till there gone and you will find another. I am sorry for what you’re going trhough, but it’s truly better to call off the wedding than to go through the turmoil and legal mess of divorce later on.

Post # 52
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

Maybe it’s time to close your account and focus on the issues you are having in real life. Hope all works out for you. 

 

Post # 53
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry to hear that this happened.

I’d suggest a short brief email to those who were invited “I regret to inform you that the union between 14 and X will not occur. Thank you for your understanding”

Trust me when I say that absolutely no one who cares about you will be annoyed or make fun of you. Shocked? Curious? Yes but you needn’t worry about their opinions.

Post # 54
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

@BrideToBe14:  

I am soooo sorry you are going through this.

You poor thing. 

Delete the hateful messages you received and go get a big bottle of wine on the way home from work.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts your way. Hang in there, girl!

Post # 55
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Sunfire:  Thank you!  I feel the same way about your posts. You and I may be kindred spirits because we have been through some similar life experiences;) as a matter of fact, your gas tank story made me laugh…been there last week:) 

 

@BrideToBe14:  Screw the haters! Don’t give anyone the power to make you feel badly! You will make it through this

Post # 56
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Please do not ever, ever, ever, EVER change anything about yourself just to please a man ever again. For example, when you start dating again, and the guy you date says he loves red lipstick, and you show up on the next date wearing red lipstick just because he said he likes it-guess what? He will lose respect for you immediately. 

It was the right thing to call off the wedding. You’ll get better; hell even a week or two from now you will feel amazing again and feel relieved that you avoided the mistake of marrying the totally WRONG person.

Post # 57
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you are going thru this, but believe me, the right guy is out there looking for you.

The topic ‘Doesn't want to marry me anymore:( wedding is off! :( :(’ is closed to new replies.

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